Happyhappyjoy Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 I met this guy online and we have been talking on the phone and texting and we are finally meeting but I am nervous!! He says he really likes me ( is that odd??) and thinks we would make a good match and calls me cutie ( odd again??) I hope can make it through the first date. I am super nervous around people I do not know and usually blow it. I can talk on the phone and text perfectly fine but in person I end up blowing it Is this guy coming off too strong?? How can he tell he likes me if we haven't even met?
Happyhappyjoy Posted June 18, 2011 Author Posted June 18, 2011 Wait what?? Sociopath?? What makes you think that?? I saw his FB and twitter page he seems normal to me.
Reflective Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 Wait what?? Sociopath?? What makes you think that?? I saw his FB and twitter page he seems normal to me. Uh sociopaths are normal, that's how they appear. You sound like easy prey, the fact that you associate looking normal to not being a sociopath is chilling. Just becareful. And not all sociopaths are creepy looking killers. Most of them are attractive, charming and seductive.
Happyhappyjoy Posted June 18, 2011 Author Posted June 18, 2011 I checked his records and there is nothing on him. Great now I am super nervous thanks
ToF Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 Be careful. He could be a sociopath. Be wary. Whoa ... Where did this come from? OP, I don't think there's any reason to think this man is a "sociopath", simply from what you've written here. Of course, with meeting anyone new and especially someone off the internet, there's a possibility that he could be dangerous in person. So definitely meet him in a public place and be wary, but there is absolutely no reason to be so nervous. Sounds like he likes you, so just take a deep breath and have a good time with it.
Happyhappyjoy Posted June 18, 2011 Author Posted June 18, 2011 Thanks We are meeting at a coffee shop so it will be totally public. I have literally checked every court record imaginable ( thanks to court records being public) and there is nothing on him. Not even a traffic ticket!
Sagreras Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 Sounds like he likes you, so just take a deep breath and have a good time with it. It isn't normal to 'really like' someone based upon a smattering of telephone conversations, unless you are a spotty-faced 13-year-old. It is an inappropriate gesture referring to a total stranger as “cutie”. If he’s not met you, how did he arrive at the determination that the match would be sound? Such behaviour is routinely employed by politicians, salesmen, confidence tricksters, and psychopaths; it’s called dissembling.
ToF Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 OP, how long have you been talking to this guy? I think it's normal to say things like that. I participated in online dating for a while, and encountered this a few times. Sometimes it turned out the guy was just trying to get me into bed, but other times it was just an honest guy trying to flirt. So to me it sounds like flirting. Perhaps the "cutie" comment is a little too much, but it really depends on the context and how long the two people have had to get to know each other. OP, it may be wise not to take to heart everything you're told from these men online. Be sure to keep your guard up, and try not to get attached at all before you meet in person. But overall, I don't see why this would be obviously alarming.
Sagreras Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 The man’s perspective: Anyone needing to trowel it on this thick has an agenda. Disappointment, in some guise, awaits. Penny to a pound on this one.
ToF Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 Well, that's one way to look at it. It's fine to be cautious, but IMO it doesn't seem like there's anything too amiss here. Sure, he may have an agenda, but a sociopath? No reason to assume that.
Happyhappyjoy Posted June 18, 2011 Author Posted June 18, 2011 An agenda?? Oh no...... Now I am super scared I have been talking to him for a couple of days and he messaged me on FB saying heard this song and thought about you. Gosh I am really,really scared now.
ToF Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 Only a couple of days? There's reason to be scared, so just calm down, okay? What are you scared of exactly? I will say that he is moving VERY fast. Dedicating songs to you after two days is a little suspect. I would talk to some other guys on that dating site, and not focus on this guy so much right now. I think he's taking this a bit too seriously.
Reflective Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 Just telling her to becareful. It came from common sense and realism. A lot sociopaths use that tactics. They like to use that verbal tactic and will do anything to gain their victims trust. So if that means sweetening them up, so be it. Do some research, on sociopathy. Online dating especially is something sociopaths use to gain sympathy/trap victims. Because through computers. You can't really be able to understand and properly evaluate their behavior.
Reflective Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 Of course there is. You have to be open to these things. To hop into something especially like online dating, and ignore the possibilty of that is quite ignorant on anyones part. How else do sociopaths go undetected? They fake their emotions. And what's a great tool to do this without really being "discovered"? Internet dating. You guys act like I'm this omnious person. I'm blunt. The OP should kind of come back to reality and take this a lot seriously. Online dating is great and whatever but she has to be careful. Already I sense she is the kind of person to take ones words and form them into this ideal. And idealism is not realism. The op thinks sociopaths are not normal every day people. When in actuality they are. They do anything to evade the law. I'm not saying this guy is a sociopath but it's kind of odd how he probably just met her and is already trying to butter her up? Talking about marriage etc? Sociopaths use this tactic. It's not uncommon. Do some research. Trust me. Op you asked, so don't get upset. Just becareful. And use your common sense, not everything people tell you over the Internet has meaning, not everything they tell you is true. People usually teach this to little children... Just becareful. He may be a nice guy, but you'd be quite silly to eliminate the fact that he may potentially be not such a nice guy afterall.
ToF Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 When did the OP say he was talking about marriage? And just a sidenote, "sociopath" is an outdated term. The defining characteristics are merged with those presented by people with antisocial personality disorder. This is a legitimate (DSM-IV-identified) disorder, thus no one on this website can accurately assume anyone else to be "sociopathic" unless they are a trained mental health professional who has actually met the person in question. No one is against you or dismissing your opinions. I'm presenting my opinion, just like you're presenting yours. I don't agree with you on every level, but that doesn't mean I'm saying you're wrong. It's nothing personal.
Reflective Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 Also OP. I've heard of people being nervous. But I think you yourself, subconsciously believe that something IS not right. No one should be as scared as you are describing. I'm not trying to be mean to you either, I'm offering you advice, and I do think it's useful. You need to becareful. These guys prey on women like you. They sense your insecurities and need to approval and will use every trick in the book so they can establish their place into your life. And that's when their true intensions come to light. Or he could really like you. But then again he doesn't really know you yet and has not met you so I find that to be a little questionable. Unless he flirts like that etc.
Reflective Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 I'm right. I don't care if its outdated. You are encouraging senseless behavior. You are encouraging the op to go into a situation blind. And that's senseless. Do you realize how often these cases occur? For so called "normal" "well he seems normal to me" cases that end up going wrong? How can you conclude someone to seem normal when you do not even know them? Sociopaths are manipulative and often use charm and tactics I and someone else just listed. Sure he may just be flirting but you telling her to eliminate the possibility that he may be a sociopath, or just a bad person makes you wrong. Just by listening to the op I can tell she is an idealist and you are encouraging her to ignore her intuition . the fact that she is scared and possibLy doesn't even know exactly why, hence why she's here asking for advice is probably her subconscious warning her to becareful. You are wrong because any sane, realistic person, that values their life and well being would be a little wary and cautious about anyone that theyve never met face to face or In person who comes on way too strong. Dating especially online dating isn't this great sweet place you are making it out to be. Pedophiles, criminals and the works flock to online dating - let's take a quick guess to why that is? Do some research. You'll find many many stories and cases where women tell you just how awful their lives are because of similar stories to this topic alone.
Reflective Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 Op If you can, please tell us exactly how you two began "chatting" did you message him first or the opposite? What other things has he said to you? And were you two just texting and talking online or did it involve actual phone conversation? Also, sometimes people make fake profiles on Facebook, I don't know how but they do. In which it actually looks like it's them but it really isnt. You gotta be careful.
agent1607307371 Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 Mod Note: Please keep posts respectful and on-topic.
Happyhappyjoy Posted June 18, 2011 Author Posted June 18, 2011 Actually I messaged him and we started talking on the phone and texting.We have alot in common so maybe he is excited ?? The only reason i said nervous was because I'm shy and I didnt want to blow things. I have common sense after all my dad is a cop so he tells me eveything and I know that I only meet in public places and never ride home with a stranger . I just thought maybe the things he said were weird but maybe he is just flirting . When I finally meet him if something doesn't seem right I'm outta there .
Batya33 Posted June 18, 2011 Posted June 18, 2011 Just get into the mindset that you are meeting someone for 45 minutes for coffee and that your main obligations are to show up, look nice and be nice. Let him do most of the talking - that way your nervousness won't be as apparent and you'll learn more valuable information. And do deep breathing beforehand.
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