A Virgin's Complex Situation, I need help please. Thanks

[rawfan1989]

Hello all, I need some light shed on a situation that I am going through.

 

Okay here is the situation. Well I am 22 years old, I am still a virgin. In one way I feel kind of

bad, in another way I feel kind of good. I guess I have mixed feelings about the whole thing. I

never really had a relationship with anyone. I realize that I am no longer in my teens and the

probability of me finding a virgin is low. I do not want the responsibility of passing judgments on

anyone for it is not my place or my lifelong goal, but I think people throwing away their virtue (I

think it’s called) is just kind of wrong. I know that I have done wrong in the past and that is why

I don’t claim to be perfect. Yet, it seems people throw away their virtue just to anyone. Maybe

their is more to it than I understand. Then again I am not trying to point fingers at anyone. I

guess it is my raising. So please don’t thank low of me. Through this I have a bother, if u will,

I really want to be sure to make my other half in every sense especially in the sexual sense.

I guess my main focus is that if and HOPEFULLY when I find that person she will be happy

with me. In a way I would for us both to have a first but I am old enough to know that you don’t

always get what you want and don’t want to settle for just anyone either. I guess I have a fear

of being compared to another person. I would date somebody who has lost their virginity, but

there is that fear factor. I know that this is complex but I can not help but to think about it.

I was kind of wandering if you can, please answer these questions I have. Most importantly give

me your opinion if nothing else, if you would. Thank you.

 

1. Am I wrong in thinking about it? 2. Am I making a big deal out of it? 3. Knowing that I made

mistakes and done things I am not proud of, should I hold against them or keep on it on my

mind that I was not the first? 4. Do you think I expect to much? 5. If and hopefully when I find

that person, should I express how I feel? 6. I know that I sometimes get insecure and the funny

thing is that I never tried it like I mentioned earlier, I have big fear of failure especially with

something like this, should I have some fear or nothing at all?

 

I know this is a lot but I have to know. Thanks and May God Bless -rawfan1989

PS: I only aim to please.

[Ariel85]

If you're worried about being compared to other guys in bed now - wait another few years, and the women will have even more experience. I find that people that place a very large emphasis on virginity often have a very stunted and repressed view of sex. Kind of like yours now, actually.

 

Why are you still a virgin? Your post was confusing. Is it for religious/moral reasons? Or opportunity?

 

I wouldn't tell you you're making more out of it than you should if your reasons were good for remaining a virgin, but if it's fear, then putting off having sex is only going to compound your hang-ups.

[rawfan1989]

For angel85, In response, In a way it is all three of them. To be honest I have got turned down a lot (in dating) and no one really takes interest in me and I am working hard on that. I don't know why people take interest I was nice to them and everything. I know that I hope that I have enough religious convictions and morale to resist temptation like I said I think there is more to it than I understand. I know I am confused and all and I was kind of hoping people could make sense out of it.

[Ariel85]

It's going to be hard for others to make sense of your life, when you can't do that yourself.

 

Figure out what your sexual issue is. Being a virgin for religious/moral reasons is fully acceptable - provided it's the truth, and not a crutch.

 

But, if you're upset because no one will have sex with you - well, welcome to the woes of being a man sometimes.

[20sgal88]

Hello all, I need some light shed on a situation that I am going through.

1. Am I wrong in thinking about it? 2. Am I making a big deal out of it? 3. Knowing that I made

mistakes and done things I am not proud of, should I hold against them or keep on it on my

mind that I was not the first? 4. Do you think I expect to much? 5. If and hopefully when I find

that person, should I express how I feel? 6. I know that I sometimes get insecure and the funny

thing is that I never tried it like I mentioned earlier, I have big fear of failure especially with

something like this, should I have some fear or nothing at all?

 

I know this is a lot but I have to know. Thanks and May God Bless -rawfan1989

PS: I only aim to please.

 

1. No, you are absolutely not wrong in thinking about it. This is normal especially when sex and losing virginity at a younger age are prevalent and you are in the minority.

 

2. Yes, but that’s ok! It’s something that concerns you and you’re allowed to make all the fuss you want. When something’s bothering you, it’s good to get it off your chest and ask others’ opinions.

 

3. Unfortunately, you may not be capable of refraining from worrying that you were not their first. But cross that bridge if and when you get to it. You haven’t met a person you’d like to intimate with yet, right?

 

4. Not at all. You’re looking for validation and just want to love and be loved back. You just want things to go over smoothly and have a fear of the unknown, which is normal.

 

5. Yes, but refrain from doing it too early on in the relationship because you might freak them out. If you feel comfortable enough with the person, it’d be a perfectly acceptable thing, and even healthy, to confide your fears in them.

 

6. It’s normal to have fear since you can’t help it. I don’t know how you’d go about trying to not let it consume you, though. You have to take a risk sometime and then roll with it.

 

Bottom line, the best teacher is you. At least from my experience, no amount of others’ advice, warnings, or hints can protect you from getting hurt. You learn your whole life long and if one thing a relationship does for you, is teach you a lot about yourself.

 

You may discover things about yourself you never knew before. Some may make you feel proud or even disappointed.

I was a virgin when I lost my virginity to my boyfriend who was not. I’m NOT saying the same is true for everyone but I definitely had my hang-ups with that. He actually did compare me to his last girlfriend sexually and that gave me a few complexes.

 

Again, there was no way for me to know this is what would happen or how I would handle it. It would be awesome if you could find someone on the same page as you are—virginity-wise. If that is not possible, you will need an incredibly compassionate person who will take your concerns to heart and be supportive of you.

 

Lastly, do not rush into anything! If you do this, the likelihood of you finding someone that will actually be understanding of your situation and how you feel could diminish. You should try to have a relationship with someone that is a lot like you and has the same values and ideals. This may make talking about intimate things, and anything in general, a lot more pleasant.

[ChixDigHueyz]

it kind of sounds like you have created a complex within yourself. sex is not a bad thing, its an amazing thing. god created sex for 2 people who care about each other to share. so if you say its a religious reason to not have sex, then good on you, you are doing what god intended for his children to do. but like i saw before, if your not having sex out of fear, things are only going to get worse for you. if your looking for a good girl, then try a christian dating site, or get involved in church activities and meet some good new people. im not saying do this to get laid, im saying do this to try and meet women who share the same values that you do and grow with each other from there. Would you rather have alot of meaningless sex or great amazing sex with someone you love? the obvious answer is the latter.