Help me decode this please.

[Amsterdam01]

I heard from my ex.

 

She is with another guy for 4 months now.... Hot and heavy right after we officially spit.

 

For a while I tried to get her attention, she ignored my attempts - so I stopped and started to move on.

 

At some point during this time we finally had a chance to communicate and I told her that I knew that I wanted to be with her for the long haul.

 

Time went by and I've been dating some one new, she freaked when she found out. I went on vacation with this new girl and she found out and freaked out about that too.....

 

So I've been home from vacation for just over a week - I heard from her today via text.

 

Text lead to phone conversation because we were basically arguing over text.

 

She is angry because I told her that I wanted to be with her a while back and then decided to go on a vacation with another woman.

 

When I told her what I wanted - she told me that she couldn't be with me and that I should move on.

 

So I started to, but when I do - she freaks out.

 

I asked her if she thinks there is a chance for us in the future - she said "she did think so, but maybe in 3 years or 5 years or 3 months. She needs to do her thing right now and give her attention to the relationship that she is in now....

She also told me that she can't consider giving us another try if I am dating people.... "

 

I'm confused?

 

Basically she wants me to be alone and wait for her?? or she is torn??

 

what do you think?

[BlueAngle]

I think she wants it all, have the new guy and still have a chance with you. She is very selfish for doing this. The best thing that you can do right now is don't talk to her anymore and just focus on your own life just like how she is focusing on her. If the person that you are dating is a great, then continue to date her.

[nsomnia912]

Not your problem anymore, enjoy your new life and new relationship...you gave her what she wanted and it backfired...she has no right to jump into something else with someone then get mad at you for doing it...that's a hypocrite...and game playing....sadly the poor guy she is with now will have to suffer.... Put yourself into this new girl and give it an honest go...your ex made her own bed....you were there she didnt want it....

[LP90]

Sounds like a hypocrite to me. She wants to be back together but doesnt want you dating others while she is going out with someone else herself? I think she is just torn and just not over you yet. She still misses you but obviously not ready to be with you, just like most relationships end. People miss eachother terribly but deep inside know it cant work out anymore but still hold on to the other person for that last bit of hope. You shouldnt have to sit and wait for her to make up her mind. If she wanted to be with you, she would go for it now, not think and wait to see what happens. Try to stay NC and move on. I wish i had done that in my relationship and not been strung along for months. Do what you feel is right and do it for YOU, not her.

[Cadence44]

Yup, she wants her cake and to eat it too. She reserves the right to change her mind so why can't you? She wants to continue to have a hold on you and honestly if she wants you back then she should be single for awhile and earn back your trust. She left you for another guy - why aren't you outraged?

 

Also, why are involved with another girl if you aren't over your ex? That's not cool. It's not nice to bide your time with someone else until you can get your ex back and it's clear that's what you're trying to do. You are using her.

 

Be brave, be single and stop communicating with your ex. She's a big girl, she did you wrong, and there is no reason to wait around for her and cater to her needs. She's with someone else; let him deal with her.

[Amsterdam01]

ok good, so I'm not crazy for being confused...

 

All of you are right... I need to ignore these attempts to keep me at bay. I think she does miss me and a part of her wants to be with me... but like you said if she wanted it, she would let me know that...

 

I am not over her yet, but working on it. I think that is why it's hard to decode what she says, because I look for signs of hope... when in reality I think it's her attempt at manipulating me....

 

Thanks for the insight.. it helps !

[Kate1]

Yeah, i totally agree. She basically wants no one to have you. To have you for herself as a reserve if she wanted you bad enough to want you to finish your current relationship she would do the same.

This will sound harsh but she is just using you, you have to go cold turkey just cut all connection. If she still conntacts you, you give her the same ultimatum either be faithful and fully commited your relationship or have no relationship. For the meantime focus on your current relationship and just cut all ties.

[HeartGoesOn]

Basically she wants me to be alone and wait for her?? or she is torn??

 

She's far from "torn." She's throwing you a crumb, and will appear every now and then, in order to make sure you're still sitting on the shelf. This gives her the upper hand while she's out living the life.

 

Hopefully you don't fall for this.

[hausser]

Wow this phenom of ex's (I did it too) freaking out when they find out your dating someone else is really prevalent. It seems to affect the dumpers more.

[Deep thinker]

You can't let this girl have control over your life...she isn't your girlfriend anymore so she can't be giving you orders. You gave her a chance and she refused so it's her loss. You shouldn't have to beg anyone to be with you. She chose to be with someone else therefore you need to focus on yourself and be with someone who actually appreciates you not someone who gives you false illusions.