LADIES..Please Advice me on this: Its My second Post

[WelcomNyAdvice]

I am 20 & I fell in love with this girl who is very close to me. I met her 4 months ago...but she had a bad break-up 2 months ago..& she is scared to get into another relation again... i lent her a shoulder to cry on & was torn to see her in pain...i helped her in any way i could, to cheer her up....& she trusted me very much & knows that i wont lie to her, EVER ..I started to develop feelings for her a month back..Its coz i understand her better than almost any1 & i am close to her on the level of her BFF of 3 yrs..she knows this too & acknowledged it as well...

 

I know it was too soon for her...but i accidentally let slip thru text that i had feelings for her...things went bad, i thought..she was giving out negative vibes, the next day we met...but as i ignored it n was having fun with mutual friends....things went back to almost normal...she then invited me to her place along with friends & insisted that i stay too...she was comfortable with physical touch...hitting me, inviting me next to her, on the couch.. & there was a long time when we both were alone in the room & we never realized it..

 

A couple of days later, we both had a walk from her place & at that time i talked about my feelings for her, after i asked her permission...i saw her smiling & blushing looking somewhere else....i then told her first that I liked her a lot & that i also understood that she wasnt ready to be in a relation yet....& so asked her whether she liked me or not. she took a long time to answer with umm & uhhh & said "Yes, I like you! but i havent seen you in that way"...i thought that was it. & then we had a walk & talk about things & i told her everything she wanted to know about...Why, when, where, how...helped clear some misunderstandings of her's like she thought i developed feelings for her because she cried to me & coz of sympathy...which she HATED...& she understood, once i cleared it for her....

 

& then, she started to tell me that she had issues, which prevented her prev relationship frm working out, expectations from her ex BF that she didnt like...& that all & everybody's relations also suffer from the same probs....& that she wasnt ready to enter into the world of relations again...I told her the reasons why i believed that i would be different frm what she expects...& i said to her " I like you just for the way you are"..& i saw her trying to suppress her smile...though she WAS smiling, & was trying to avoid my sight...

 

Finally, i asked her to give me a chance to learn more about her (though i already know almost everything & she knows it too)...& she told "Right Now?! You want me to answer, like, right now??"....i told her to take her time & then after that...i told "lets get to know each other as friends right now...you can answer that when you are ready"...she said "that's fine. & you know what i have gone thru & As Of Now, I am not ready to enter into any relation." (she kept stressing evidently, on the words: AS OF NOW.....AS OF NOW..) & then i walked her home & said good night to her & left feeling great & positive about it all...we even texted after that & it was all back to normal...no ice b/w us...we met the next day too at her place with a mutual friend who knew about this as well & even she teased us when we were together...she took it fine & smiled it off...

 

Later in the eve when we texted...we were talking & then in the convo, i told her that she will soon learn to balance her life & work, on her own...& she said to me that she was going to find it easy only if "balance just family, work & friends only!"...& i told her that it was her life & her choice & asked her to relax..& she knew that i meant what i said to her..& she aprreciated my understanding..

 

My mutual friend, thr gal who knows abt us said that though she neither said Yes, nor No..she does like me & the fact that she isnt ready to enter into a relation yet, is what is stopping her now..she likes you...give her time & space..

My elder sis said that This girls has a crush on you too but is now contemplating whether to enter into any relation or not..coz of her past."

 

Can you ladies help me in this?? I really like her a lot & at the same time, i care about her a even lot more...i am willing to give it all the time int the world.

 

PS: she is going away for a month after the next 2days, coz of her training for work, in another place.. we just graduated & she got a job. Do you think this part would affect this too? Helpful to me or the opposite..?

[WelcomNyAdvice]

It was her first relationship & she said that though her ex-BF understood her perfectly...he changed later on & expected her to change, while not accepting her for the way she was...it was a long distance once & it lasted for 2yrs...after the break up, her BF hounded her to return thru harrasing text messages which made her cry in pain...She is a strong believer in personal space & doesnt like mushy stuff.....& i dont either

 

I clearly knew that & told her that she wasnt ready to enter into any relationship yet, n that i was just telling her that i care about her a lot...we are really close to each other but certainly not in the friend zone, coz i have flirted with her at times...she said that: "I know..As of now, i dont want to enter any relationship" ....she wasnt candy coating a NO...coz i know what she has been thru: Hell & back coz of her first disasterous one..& she is the sorta person who would say a NO a NO in any1' face..no matter who or what they are...

 

& she hates men coz of what her BF did to her emotionally...She said to her BFF that she feels like she will never be ready to get into a relationship again because of that...no matter who the person is..coz she doesnt want them to burn her after she trusted them so much

 

We text each other late into the night & she initaites the convo almost everytime...she told me that she texts me the most when compared to anyone...she said that she i am really fun to be around with & i am funny.

My common gal friend pointed out many times that she actually thought that we were together at times coz of the way we acted with each other..

 

Last piece of info: I had the talk with her 2days ago.

[Cadence44]

She doesn't want a relationship (now or ever) but you're still pursuing her. I think you are either friend-zoned or she likes you but is using you as an emotional rebound because that's what you're offering yourself up to be.

 

Respect her decision and stop pursuing her. She knows that you like her so it isn't necessary to win her over. If you do "win" her over, you're really winning a sad sack of someone stuck on how her ex-boyfriend treated her. Until she's fully healed, she can't see you for who you are and that means you won't be a serious contender. Right now you're someone who will sacrifice his wants and needs and let her walk all over him. That isn't attractive to a woman.

 

To keep pursuing her means that you are further putting yourself in the friendzone or helping her to feel better about herself and heal. You don't want to be either of these. You want to be someone she's attracted to. To get in a position where you can be that person, you can tell her that you want to give her time to heal because you like her and then disappear from her life. Don't be someone who she leans on and takes for granted because once she's feeling better she will leave you in the dust to date someone else.

[agatha]

even if she would like to treat you well, she won't be able to. hurt people hurt people. that's why she's asking for space, and you should really give it to her. some 6 months on her own, one or two rebounds up the road and she may be ready for what you have to offer.

 

as of now, detachez-vous...