BF of 5 years moved out - it was supposed to be temporary but guess what

[loveisintheair]

So here is my story.

He and I met 7 yrs ago – we both felt we have finally found our soulmates - had a very brief romance and then he moved to another country - he had planned all that before he met me. We didn´t tell each other about our feelings but the strong connection was there and we talked online frequently and I even went to visit him for a month and he visited me too. During those years we weren´t together as a couple, we dated other people too but neither of us felt such a great connection with anyone else and so we made plans for me to move in with him – I did. A year later we both moved back because of his work and have stayed right here for 4 yrs, but always itching to move to another country and see the world that way. The main reason for us coming back was his business – a startup with his family. Our plans have been to spend couple of years here so he could build up his business and then branch out to the next place. I have always been supportive of his choices and did my own stuff on the side (freelancing since I never knew when exactly we would take off so no career). Things have been going really well for him and recently he got a huge investment which means even more work and even longer hrs at the office. We haven´t even been able to take a weekend together for a very long time. Lately it has been extremely intense – all the family members are accusing him of not doing and being enough – really he is the hardest working man I know. He has also been quietly looking down on me not being ambitious enough. Yes, that is a problem for him, although when discussed he said there really is no need for me to get a 9-5 job, but to keep on with my small business. Two weeks ago he decided to turn his relationship with his family around – we had a long talk and he said its best if he can move in with them so he can influence them more. But he acted really weird – very out of character and I became frightened. I said he is the greatest guy I know and if its his choice then I stand by it but also that he has changed a lot and I was afraid I might lose him (we have been fighting with each other a lot lately). He assured me everything was alright and that its not about me and this will pass. Said we would go on a vacation when he gets back and we can finally spend some quality time together. So 2 wks later he came home and dumped me on the spot – saying that his future is going to get even busier than now and that my way of living seems too different from his and would probably get even more different. I was floored. Completely didn´t see that coming. We have always had a very healthy relationship – and now this. I tried to stay strong but broke down crying and asked if he didn´t think it was fair to give this another change but he wasn´t very into it saying he doesn´t see what difference could that make. Also that when we were apart he didn´t miss me at all and we are becoming like roommates not lovers (he had a deadline and spent his time working from 7am to 1am every day and he got a chance to think of us? He said he concentrated on all the problems we have) He said he doesn´t see anyone else, and I don´t think he would too – he spends all his time with his family/at the office and was brutally honest about everything else. I asked if I was a free women now and he replied: well if you want to say it like that, yes. He finally agreed to one more chance – a week at the end of this month and then see were we go from there. But I am starting to think it might be too soon to his stress to solve and business get on track so maybe reschedule that for later this summer. Please, any thoughts on this? Anyone experienced the same issues? He was my life and my rock, but now that rock has crashed me. is there another chance? I will use this time to improve myself in every way – I know I made mistakes. We were so right together its like he has lost all his marbles...he doesn´t even want to see his friends...

 

….......................

 

So today he came over and took one or two of his things. We talked a bit and he said he is crazy busy as always - I suggested we reschedule our “another try” and meet up at the end of the summer instead because now it might be too soon – I really want to work on myself and give him time to get his production thing running smoothly. He was surprised and said: ok we can do that, I cleared my schedule for that but ok. Now he wants to buy me a laptop so I can work wherever after told him that I will be away the whole July and he can stay at our apartment. I am not sure if I can accept that – so expensive (yet necessary) and because it has this goodbye present vibe going on...

 

Told him that I had been working on my own projects a lot and have a good feeling about it and have accomplished many goals and he was smiling and told me this is great news.

 

Wow I sound like a loser right. Well I know that I haven´t really lived up to my potential and have not done much to grow as a person but that is already changing – I got a wake up call and it somehow acts like this positive force behind me.

 

Thank you for reading this novel.

[CatsMeeoow]

Ok - he is clearly stressed and it seems really more about him than you but its normal to think and feel that you did something wrong.

 

What I can tell you from experience is that a guy who is stressed with business or family can see you as additional stress... he can't cut off his family, business but you... yes he can cut you off. The more you try to convince him of "you and him and us" the more you push him away making yourself appear needy and less attractive.

 

Your best bet here is to respect his decision. Give him space and time to miss you. Don't try to influence him by discussing what you are doing... words mean little. Show him by actions and literally show him you are independent - he can see the results for himself so don't worry about updating. I suggest you disappear as much as possible and do your best not to contact him. Believe it or not he will miss you - it may take some time and just because he misses you doesn't mean he wants a relationship. My ex told him he thought about me all the time - I just never gave him the space to sort things out proper... I panicked and thought if I wasn't constantly there he would forget me... funny though that just drove him nuts! We are good friends now and he is the one filled with regret for ending it cause I did finally move on and found a wonderful man. So there is life after break up. I know its hard but the very best thing you can do is start living it.

 

Hugs!

[loveisintheair]

Thank you so much for both the reply and the hug!

 

I have such a huge range of feelings in me right now - it is weird how being attached to someone can make you feel. I try to take the Buddhist approach from now on we´ll see how it goes.

 

Am going away for a month and let him stay here during July, after I am coming back then we will probably both move out...I am already a bit scared of the whole splitting stuff and living at my own thing but who knows what the future might bring. We will also go on a shortva cation together at the very end of summer - if it will work out - fine but if not then it is going to be a nice end to what was once a love story.

 

One step at a time.