Should I continue NC?!

[pmosley]

This is my very first post so bear with me! ill try and get to the point, but im an over-analyzer so details are important to me lol My ex and i met at work while he was still with his ex, there was an immediate connection(i always talked about him and he was doing the same) but just a little flirting and no number exchanged because he had a gf and i would never do that. From what he and others around him said he was miserable with this girl but obviously cared for her and didnt want to hurt her by breaking up. About 2 years previous they were both unfaithful, she found out about him and made his life a living hell...he did not find out about her until the end, so he felt even more lied to and betrayed because she denied and denied. She broke up with him over something stupid and during that time he found out about the cheating and was done with her. I gave him my number to talk as friends because ive been there. Of course i knew he was really into me but I knew to take it slow. It took him about 2 weeks to stop feeling guilty for dumping her (she was calling every day, crying and begging) he did not go out of his way to hurt her, but just seemed to be over the entire situation. If i brought her up he would talk about it and not get upset or angry. So after those weeks we go on a date and booooom it was on. He stayed with me alot, although we waited over a month to have sex because both of us wanted it to be clear it wasnt about that. So cut to feb and i am in love and HAVE to tell him. I do so, and he says hes felt the same way for awhile now. The ex contacts him that day and tells him she still loves him and he tells me and does not respond to her. I am feeling upset and vulnerable, ive not said one word to her the other times she contacted him but this day was special. I said something to her and she basically said it wasnt ever going to stop. I asked him to say something to her and he said he doesnt want to hurt her and that telling her to stop is really pointless. This hurt my feelings, i felt like he cared about her feelings more than mine. He eventually said something..and it stopped. But from then on out..i was constantly questioning his love for me. i am a giver and a communicator and very affectionate. i say i love you quite often and give gifts and little things. I suppose if the person i am with doesnt love this same way, i feel he doesnt love me. So i was constantly asking for more i love yous, and compliments. He felt like nothing he did was ever good enough and began to slowly pull away.

 

Around march we went to a concert and i got extremely drunk. He is 20 and cannot drink so he was sober for this. It was bad. I blacked out, called him names and what not. He dropped me off at home but eventually came back. I dont think he has ever really truly forgiven me for this. I also go to a local bar here and there and he would pick me up. He hates the place because its "drama" I knew he hated the place but never knew how much he hated me going and the fact i drank. Because of my neediness, he pulled away, the more he pulled away the more needy i got and the more he felt like he couldnt do anything right. Neither of us were happy, I almost ended it a few times but i really feel like these are just surface issues and they could be worked on. One day, after a week of him being withdrawn, we do not speak. at the end of the day i ask him how he could go all day without talking to me, he said he jsut needed to figure out what he wanted and what to do. I asked him what it was and he said he didnt know he needed more time. I was drunk and this hurt so of course...i bug him and call him profusely ( the complete wrong thing to do) The next morning i apologize but tell him i cant go another day just sitting around and waiting and he needed to tell me how he felt. He did! he hated that i went to the bar, he hated we dont spend time together anymore, he hated that i drink and he doesnt and hesmokes and i dont and he hated we dont even hang with each others friends. He said he didnt see how it was working and ended it. I told him i felt we could work on it and but cant force him to want to and that was it. no response. I didnt leave my bed that day and the next day friends were posting on my FB wall things to cheer me up! one was about getting me naked wasted. this was an obvious joke but it really bothered him according to his sister, he was upset. I removed it because it was disrespectful. Right before out split this girl had been posting on his wall, really flirty things, out of nowhere seemingly. When his sister asked him about it he responded with ' she keeps trying to get me to hang out one on one but im not interested, i dont want to date anyone else, esp her" and she overheard him telling his friend "no dude your not * * * * -blocking i dont want that" about her. Well the posts continue the dday after the break up and i liked on of them...i guess being a smartass..she called me a * * * * * and i did not respond. some friends of mine did, but i did not.

 

Anyway, a few days go by, she is still posting, hes not responding and then on thursday she wrote "thanks for everything yesterday, your amazing" ( the day before was her bday party) and he didnt respond all day long..Well i had a night out and my pictures of me and my friends were up around 2 am. At 4 am he responds to her "NO your amazing"....I had to defriend him after that. But i do know he continued to be very obvious and annoying on her wall with things like " i loved spending the day watching a movie in bed with you" and reiterating it..this is not like him, he did not even do this with me and he was crazy about me. I dont think you can go from one day not being interested and being vocal about it and then REALLY likeing someone as hes trying to portray. At work the other day someone commented on how good i look (ive been hitting the gym) and he got very defensive and said "i dont care dude i dont care"...obvious he cares. The next day he tells my friend hes SO mad at me right now for likeing that post..that was 2 weeks ago. What i THINK hes angry about is the fact hes not getting a visible rise out of me and im not chasing him. I feel as if hes using this girl ( who is short and very thick, not his physical type) to either distract me or make me jealous. His status yesterday was " i just dunno what to do anymore...guess keep livin life" then a few hours later he has one " i have to say this bed is so amazing" (it was hers) its like come on, your making a fool out of yourself. Hes a sensitive guy, i know me defriending him prob hurt and he prob thinks i hate him. I also know if he doesnt know what to say, he doesnt say anything, he avoids conflict. So i guess i have a few questions.

 

1. Was i a rebound with his previous ex?

2.Do you think hes regretting his decision and wants me to contact him? He might not know what to say?

3. He cant be serious about this girl right? hes telling people hes not dating her

4. Should i continue NC or initiate contact

 

TRUST ME! i realize i dont deserve how hes treating me, i just feel like hes not thinking about anything, he doesnt know what to do hes just grasping at straws right now. This isnt the person i know. He is partying every night, its not like him. Thank you for baring with me

[Eocsor]

1. Maybe, maybe not. Who knows

 

2. No, if he liked you he'd contact you

 

3. Sure he can. He's really young. People at that age move from one relationship to another quickly sometimes.

 

4. Stay NC