Lillith74 Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 I was with my ex 7 months- even vacationed with him when out of the blue he dumped me to go back to the woman who dumped him 2 months before we got together. I believe I was the rebound. He and the ex ended up not getting back together- but he will not take me back bc he says our relationship was missing something and he is looking for someone new. I made all the initial mistakes and am now in NC. He and I were perfect together- I never saw this coming. Do I have a chance with NC even though I was the rebound? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superfox Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 You think it was perfect, he thinks it was missing something. Sorry but he isn't the one for you As to your question then no. I think rebounds are only there to help the other get over there hurt, like a plaster. But I don't think every sudden relationship can be classed as 'rebound'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cmaj7th Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 everyone deserves to be with someone who cares as much as they do. Id look elsewhere. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ariel85 Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 he says our relationship was missing something and he is looking for someone new. It sounds like the "perfect together" was entirely one-sided. Spare yourself the pain and agony of trying to get someone back who is 100% not interested. Make good use of the NC and continue to move on. You'll see soon enough he was right that you're meant to be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lillith74 Posted June 17, 2011 Author Share Posted June 17, 2011 You think it was perfect, he thinks it was missing something. Sorry but he isn't the one for you As to your question then no. I think rebounds are only there to help the other get over there hurt, like a plaster. But I don't think every sudden relationship can be classed as 'rebound'. But this man told me 100 times a day how much he loved me and how I was perfect for him. So the NC will not help me get him back? We had plans for a future together and his kids loved me. I want to do whatever it takes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lillith74 Posted June 17, 2011 Author Share Posted June 17, 2011 It sounds like the "perfect together" was entirely one-sided. Spare yourself the pain and agony of trying to get someone back who is 100% not interested. Make good use of the NC and continue to move on. You'll see soon enough he was right that you're meant to be. He told me every day we were perfect- it wasn't one sided. I think he is just confused. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superfox Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 But this man told me 100 times a day how much he loved me and how I was perfect for him. So the NC will not help me get him back? We had plans for a future together and his kids loved me. I want to do whatever it takes. Oh honey He left you for another woman, they split and he's still not interested. Get some respect, you're worth more than sloppy seconds who he'd leave on a whim if #1 came back. I know you miss him but so you really think he's thinking of you? Someone started a thread the other day about 'if you can't be with the one you love then love the one you're with' do you really want to be the 'with'? X Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lillith74 Posted June 17, 2011 Author Share Posted June 17, 2011 Superfox- I want to be with him. I hope after he's been alone a while he will realize I'm the best thing for him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ariel85 Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 Lillith - I highly suggest you go over to the break-up boards and check out the NC rules, etc. NC isn't a tactic to get someone back. It's for YOU to heal and move on. I think what happened is that when he left you to go back to the ex, he realized exactly what was missing from your relationship. If a guy told me what he told you, I'd be history. He has told you your relationship is over, and he is looking for someone new. LISTEN. You came her asking for opinions, and everyone is telling you the same thing. I know it's not the answer you want, but your situation is beyond cut and dry. Check out the healing/NC forums. Will help a lot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lillith74 Posted June 17, 2011 Author Share Posted June 17, 2011 Well, all the online books say differently about NC- and it's used to get th ex to start missing you. I hear what you are all saying- I just disagree about my chances. People change their minds all the time even though my situation seems beyond cut and dry. I guess I will just wait around and see what happens. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oldenoughtoknow Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 From what you've said, you have to let him go. Rebounds come about for a very simple reason. You break up with someone, and you're hurt. You miss the love, the companionship, the sex, etc. The reason these rebounds usually fail, is because of why the rebounder gets into the relationship to begin with. You're not over your previous relationship. When someone else comes along, you don't scrutinize the other person like you would after you healed. You find someone "close" to what you want. You want to be in a relationship so badly, you put blinders on and overlook things, dissimilar goals and interests, irritating habits, red flags, etc., as they come past. That's why rebounds usually fail. As the rebounder, one day you wake up and the blinders come off, and you realize the person you're with really isn't someone you want to be with. I would listen to what he's telling you. You thought the relationship was perfect, and I'm sure he did to...until the blinders came off. Now, he sees what was missing for him all along. I'm sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaintWithLight Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 Well, all the online books say differently about NC- and it's used to get th ex to start missing you. I hear what you are all saying- I just disagree about my chances. People change their minds all the time even though my situation seems beyond cut and dry. I guess I will just wait around and see what happens. If you want to wait then of course, it is your choice. But everyone here is giving you this advice because we have been there. You will waste precious time holding onto a concept that will just not prove correct. He was inconsistent and talking from the pain of rebound. If you take him at his word, then his word is: adios, it is over. He has a much longer history with the woman he returned to. Follow your plan all the way to the logical end. He returns and then what? You wait until he decides you are not enough again? Then leaves a 2nd time? Using NC to get your ex to start missing you only plays into the dysfunctional side of relationships. It is not about missing, control and manipulation. It is about finding someone who values you and is well suited. There is a single guy out there with no drama, no kids, and who is looking for someone like you. Move towards that future instead of losing your self respect waiting for someone who dumped you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartGoesOn Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 He told me every day we were perfect- it wasn't one sided. I think he is just confused. Words are just that "words," and unless they're backed up by actions, they mean nothing. He's not confused, and that mind set will only keep you trapped in denial. The simple answer is, if he wanted to be with you, he would. You deserve better... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lillith74 Posted June 17, 2011 Author Share Posted June 17, 2011 well his actions when we were together showed me he cared- there is more to this. I know I deserve better- but I can't help what my heart wants. He treated me so well until the end- we even went on an amazing vacation. He was loving and affectionate constantly- until the end. I have to believe it was not a lie- and I have to wait for him- I guess I shouldn't have posted here. No one has control over what happens with him in the future- except him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eocsor Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 well his actions when we were together showed me he cared- there is more to this. I know I deserve better- but I can't help what my heart wants. He treated me so well until the end- we even went on an amazing vacation. He was loving and affectionate constantly- until the end. I have to believe it was not a lie- and I have to wait for him- I guess I shouldn't have posted here. No one has control over what happens with him in the future- except him. His actions at the end showed what he was really about. People can say anything they want during a relationship, it doesn't make it true. People may even mean it at the time but love sometimes fades quickly. You were his rebound and it ended llike most rebounds do. Move on and heal. Good luck to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lillith74 Posted June 17, 2011 Author Share Posted June 17, 2011 Again- thanks for the advice- but it's out of my hands. He will either come back or he won't- the decision is his to make. I just need to leave him alone and perhaps he will reconsider his decision. For my sake, I hope he does. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eocsor Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 Again- thanks for the advice- but it's out of my hands. He will either come back or he won't- the decision is his to make. I just need to leave him alone and perhaps he will reconsider his decision. For my sake, I hope he does. I'd suggest thats the wrong way to look at it. You can make descisions too and you can make the healthy choice for yourself. Don't play the victim. Take an active role in healing yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
endy Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 Well, all the online books say differently about NC- and it's used to get th ex to start missing you. I hear what you are all saying- I just disagree about my chances. People change their minds all the time even though my situation seems beyond cut and dry. I guess I will just wait around and see what happens. Can I ask you something... Do you even realize why he left? Do you know him that deeply? People that jump from relationship either... don't know what love is... or are chasing an in love feeling usually. Either that or they have an abandonment or other issues which can cause that behavior. Why don't you sit back, take the love goggles off and realize that you deserve better than someone who behaves that way. He chose someone else over you. Why should you be a second to anyone? Stay around this site for awhile and read some of the advice/threads. Does he have a history of jumping from relationship to relationship? How is his parents relationship? Might want to read you can heal your life as well. It may be too early for you to be detached from him, but if you seriously want someone that treated you that way back, you probably need to work on yourself a bit IMO. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ferna3069 Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 i agree with endy, vent as much as u want on here it will help you get it out of your system Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lillith74 Posted June 17, 2011 Author Share Posted June 17, 2011 He has tons of issues- self esteem issues and self worth issues as well as past substance abuse problems. He would always tell me he just recently began to value himself in the relationship before the one with me (he left his wife to be with her). He takes the self esteem to an extreme now- to the point where he strutted around in a skimpy speedo bathing suit on our vacation (it was embarrassing, but i loved him enough to look past it). So- I agree I think he has issues- I just still want the relationship back- and believe if I give him space he may come back. Seriously- he and I never fought at all until the end. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ToF Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 He was married?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superfox Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 ......... he strutted around in a skimpy speedo bathing suit on our vacation..... Anyone wearing budgie smugglers who isn't in an Olympic swimming team deserves to be mocked Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lillith74 Posted June 17, 2011 Author Share Posted June 17, 2011 He was married?? Divorced when I met him - left his wife for the ex he dumped me for- who then rejected him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ariel85 Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 Wait a minute - his last gf was his affair partner while he was married? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ariel85 Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 Lil - I think it's more important to figure out why you think you only deserve a cheater with self-esteem and drug abuse problems. The guy's a total train wreck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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