Are we ok?

[Dewthedew]

We had a casual encounter once before and never mentioned it. She got married shortly after and became pregnant. We both thought it was mine but never said anything. Her marriage had begun to fail and our friendship grew, having a child myself i helped her along the way keeping my feelings to myself. I left for a while and returned married to an old flame and she was there to pik me up from the airport, i reluctantly told her i was married. We had a few drinks and in the midst we kissed. We had already made up our minds and begun our relationship. It was great, we had romance and passion, she divorced her husband (whe the child belongs to) and i divorced my wife. The resulting turmoil naturally drained us bu we pressed on. I have been helping take care of her child and it seems as if its expected that i go above the call of duty sometimes. Upon learning i had a week off, she asked if i could tend to the child when she wakes up in the middle of the night. Her 18 yeAr old brother has been living with us for almost 3 months and will be leaving soon. I was told he woukd care for the child in the day while we were both working and give us time to go out at night. We havnt done anything in almost a month. I am often put in charge of the child in a way that is no longer asking, but telling. If you didnt want to wake up at 2am to feed a newborn, u shouldnt have had her, my child is 3 btw. Of course i would never deny the child, its just menacing when im awakened at 3am and ordered to prepare a bottle. The brother consumes everything and has even

Made sex impossible (he complai ed saying he could here us) what do i care?The problems started when all the stress Began to manifest in the bedroom, after seeing dr and opening uP to her, i was back to normal in no time, our sessions, wen able, were long and pleasurable. As of lately though, there has been no sex and i have become a lacky so to speak. We love eachother, that is very clear, but is the way i feel reasonable, will they go back to norm wen the kid leaves, how do i tell her i dont want to deal with the child all the time.

[Stay_home]

If it's your kid, you don't get a choice. If you're lady isn't contributing at all, then that's something you need to talk to her about. Not very many teenagers at 18 are going to want to slow their life down baby-sitting all the time.

[lavenderdove]

If you start dating someone with a young child in the house, it doesn't matter who the child's father is if you are living with them, because you will end up having to participate in the child rearing. You have to decide that you will be a stepparent, or decide you don't want family living and break up with the person. A mother and child are a package deal, especially a newborn.

 

She is expecting you to be her full partner and raise this child with her, and obviously you thought you were getting a situation where you were going to continue as if you were lovers who had no family obligations. You can leave your respective spouses, but you still both have children that need to be raised. She will end up hating you if you just want her to be all hot and sexy yet don't want to form a real family or partnership where you also share the raising of children.

 

So you either decide you are going to share responsibility for this child as if it were your own because you are a family living together now, or else you have to recognize you made a mistake and had an unrealistic expectation of what life would be like once you moved in together.

[Dewthedew]

My girlfriend and long time friend was sexually assaulted in her childhood, on the surface she seems unscaved but i feel there are deeper scars. They only appear if triggered by scenes from a movie or an article in the paper but the other night she had a terrible panic attack after intercourse. Weve never been jack rabbits as much as id love to be but as of lately these flashbacks have been overpowering her. We no longer have intercourse and oral sex is out of the question needless to say but thats small compared to the bigger picture. What am i to do? Counseling has been brought up, but the fear of drudging up the past hurts her too much and i of course offer my two cents when appropriate but the fact still remains that she is damaged. Where do we go fron here? She asks why i dont make love to her, i tell her i never know your coming onto me, my advances seem to make her feel obligated but thats not what i want. Its confusing at best.