Scared

[Kamik]

Hello, first time doing this.

 

I have dated my girlfriend now for 6 years, we've been living in a house we now have a mortgage on for almost a year, and everything has been fantastic.

 

I am working at (business) and she was working at another (business) but in a similar industry, I recently referred her to work at my job, in my centre, but different teams.

 

She has always told me about how I am not affectionate enough (Touching, hugging, kissing) and to be honest she's right, I really don't, I am a very anxious person and sitting there hugging, I feel like I have to move, I have to get away, not because of her, just due to getting really anxious.

 

Anyway, recently she has approached me and told me she feels "Stuck" and that she understands that i'll never be affectionate and she's been stewing on it for the past month or more. I did the typical male defensive thing and told her she can't change me and fine lets break up, etc...stupid move.

 

I then thought about it longer and alone, and realised she's right, I need to show her that she's not alone that I am here for her and show her the affection she needs. At this point it made me a little nervous and scared, because she further started to mention things like "I don't want to say we'll be together, anything could happen, but I don't plan to leave" and also "No I wouldn't get married now, who would when we now have problems, mind you, a month or longer ago before referring her to my job, this wasn't a problem.

 

I have now addressed my concerns due to her concerns prompting them, I now feel lonely, and I feel like we're not spending enough time together (Due to this new job we barely see one another atm) but my concerns she doesn't believe, she doesn't care, she actually said "They're only there because I brought my feelings up first) to me this doesn't matter how or when they happen, it's just the fact that we both now have concerns, I am happy to address hers but it's feeling like she won't address mine.

 

Since then I have cried with her, told her i'm so scared, so afraid of being alone, I want to show her affection but I can't due to her always going out with the new people she's training with.

 

As an example, Tuesday night she went with her mum to dinner, fair enough

Wednesday night she spent 4 hours with a guy from her training group, because he was depressed, and she drove him home, didn't get home until late and I cried again

Thursday night she spend a little time with 2 other male friends from work, and again I cracked it, I acted out of emotion and moved out of home threatning her i'm leaving

She didn't care, she said that's your choice, you're a baby, etc...I moved back home, I couldn't go anyway, now I am stuck...

Now tonight, instead of home with me as I write this, she's out with her training group again having drinks all night, where one of them will drive her home.

I offered to pick her up, she said don't bother because it'll be a hassle waiting for you, where this guy can take me home straight away, (He lives 2 hours from here...)

 

I feel like she's just avoiding me, avoiding my feelings, avoiding any concerns I have, and she'll turn around and address them when it suits her, she feels that being with all these friends and spending all this time with them is more important than addressing any risk of us breaking up or losing the house...I say lets sell the house, she doesn't care, I say okay we'll keep it, she doesn't care, I say i'm happy, unhappy, anything, doesn't matter, she wants to spend time with all these new people...

 

I told her today that I am sorry, I am not good with change, because before this new job she would always ring, email me, sms, plan our future and now she does NOT call, never speaks to me, even AT work she tells me to go away and stop shadowing her, because she doesn't want her team to think we're...something, I don't know...

I said that i'll accept she is going through this change, accept that she's making friends and wants to spend however much time with them, and i'll just sit and wait until she's ready to spend more time with me, and i'll be patient and not talk about it anymore...

 

Deep down though it's killing me inside...she's not the same person I loved and love, she's cold, unresponsive, just doesn't care, her actions are no where, she may says words like I do love you, I do care, but her actions she makes no effort to, do anything...

 

I don't know, these are my thoughts, just wanted to put them down, pen to paper...if you read this far i'm sorry, lol.

Thanks.

[Stay_home]

By breaking off the level of affection with your girlfriend like you do and the constant emotional outbursts, you're making it difficult for her feel secure about the relationship.