BrokenM4n Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 Hi All, Braking up with my wife, literally gave up the fight to try to change her mind just last night after a couple of months of trying almost everything (which has made the whole situation 10 times worse). We've been together for 14 years (since school) and have 3 kids. I just don’t know how to deal with any of the feelings I have at the moment. I hurt more than I could ever imagine. I want to move on but finances and children dictate that I have to stay in her company for at last another 6 weeks. It's absolute torture. I can't concentrate, eat, smile, laugh. I have unbelievable lows that last for about 2 hours, normally around lunch time. My heart beats fast, thoughts and images of her fly through my head and I just have to get away from everybody…normally ends in a few tears. Then we have the 3 little stars that are my children. I’m incredibly close to all of them and can't imagine having to break away from them. My wife and i have always been best friends and i think that’s all that’s left of the relationship... but at the moment that just makes things harder. I will obviously remain close to the kids but again, that just means I’ll see lots of her. I'd love to just run away and get over her. I can move to my Mums for a while but my wife says this is lame as the kids need us to create a proper structure around thier 'new way of life'. I will do whatever is right by them but am worried that i might break down. Guys, this is absolutely killing me...I’m exhausted…any tips welcome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carus Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 Very sorry to hear about your story...But you are in the right place. You will find good support and wise counsel here* Firstly, just know that you are not alone and everything you are feeling right now is totally normal. When the anxiety hits just take a moment to breathe through it. It's horrible I know....If you have the opportunity to cry it out then do so. Crying is the release your emotions need and releases important chemicals such as prolactin and leucine etc.... Because of how deeply you're lives are entwined yes you will have to be very strong over the coming months. But deal with her on matters of importance and try not to get caught up in any emotional scenes.... If anything, agree with her on the breakup and say you also think it's for the best. Then do your very best to move on with your life. I know this sounds like the exact opposite of what you're feeling right now, but IF she is to change her mind, this will hopefully help.....You probably already know what pleading and trying to reason with her does.... ](*,) I'm on here every now and then but others will come to support you. Stay Strong. Be the best you can be for your kids* Regards Carus* 8-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RadicalDreamer Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 Wow... well, I can certainly sympathize. You get to a breaking point in things, where really, you just don't know what to do. And it does make it harder when the person who has hurt you is someone that you care for and cares about you. Strange, isn't it? You'd think it would be harder if someone you loved was cruel or meant you harm, but that's just not the case. Especially when that person is still your best friend. I hope everything goes well for you. I know it's painful, but you sound like you might be doing the best thing in your situation. Be brave, be strong. I don't know your situation, but if you have done absolutely everything in your power to fix things, take some solace in that, find some peace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrokenM4n Posted June 17, 2011 Author Share Posted June 17, 2011 Thanks guys - Good to know this is normal. I had some real major break downs in the last week, blamed myself for everything, funnily enough she was the person that picked me up and cleared my mind. She wants to separate so we can "find ourselves". My daughter has heart problems and came very close to needing open heart surgery 18 months ago (when i say close, she was discharged 8 hours before the scheduled operation and that was after a 4 month wait) she 7 years old now. This was the start of all of our problems I think. I had always been strong for her but crumbled and needed her to be strong for me. I see how unfair that was now. The feelings I have today are similar to that period. Woke up everyday and worried that she might not make it through. I don’t think I ever regained the spring in my step... dam-it....what a tragic reason. It makes sense that we need to be apart, find ourselves and come back stronger than ever, but it doesn't make it any easier. I have to believe that it's over for good to really know that I’m living for myself, and not trying to conform to her standards. It looks like I’ve got through my * * * * ty period today without a tear – fingers crossed. Once I’m through this, I'll never leave this forum, support is the only way a person can expect to move on. Thanks guys Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eocsor Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 I was together with my ex for 14 years as well. It's a long road back but you will get there. I'm about a year and a half into it and feel pretty good 90% of the time. I still have my moments but they are rare. I know for your kids sake you have to be Ok with their Mom, but best friends may not be the best idea. My ex-wife and I saw each other when we had too, but thats it. And conversations were about kids issues only. Keep up the good work. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrokenM4n Posted June 17, 2011 Author Share Posted June 17, 2011 A year and a half....oh my god :sad: Thanks for the post. What caused you guys to separate, anything in particular? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eocsor Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 My ex wife cheated on me. I was with her for 10 years. My ex fiance, who I was with for 14, grew apart. In each case it took about a year to feel better and another year to totally move on. That was the case with my two divorced friends as well. It's a long process when a significant relationship ends. Most people try and rush the healing but it doesn't work. You may jump into another relationship but all it will do is mask the pain and issues you are still feeling. Just understand that it will hurt for a while and that you will have dark days ahead. BUT if you work through it, deal with the pain and anger, that there will be much better days ahead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrokenM4n Posted June 20, 2011 Author Share Posted June 20, 2011 Eocsor - Thanks and sorry for the late reply. Have been keeping myself busy. I still have some hope, not sure if it's misguided or not. I've started to act like I should have when this first happened. Giving her space.... have taken up new hobbies (as has she). We're going to see a counsellor on a weekly basis starting from the 5th of next month. Between now and then we have decided to not to speak about it at all. She apologises for 'all of this' and has promised to write down all of her issues as they go very deep. I've realised that our mistake is that as we've grown together our views on practical issues have not been aligned. Rather than work these out as adults we've argued. To try and stop the arguments we've both changed our core values. We both became resentful of each other and here we are today. With regards to your reply - I’m sorry to hear that you've had two very long term relationships that have gone wrong. But if I may, I’m happy to hear that you've found another person out there who ticked the right boxes.... my current wife is perfect for me, I'm scared that I won’t find another like her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.