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I used to be in control of everything I did, I am someone who knows who they are, knows what she wants, has heaps of friends, is strong, confident, someone that I would like to think some even look up to. I have always been this way.


So... What happened with this man-child ex of mine. I knew I wanted him from the get go, he was into me obviously too, we were best friends and lovers and had a great bond. But where did the tables turn?... Somehow since about January (we ended in March) he came to have a hold over me. He called the shots, he pulled away, I pulled harder at him. I now look back at my begging, my crying, my sulking and think, Wow, how did he get a hold over me, I am obsessed with the thought of him, something that worries me in my day to day life.


I never thought someone could have such a hold over another, he doesn't even do it intentionally, but how did it come to this. We were equals once, what happened?


Sorry I am ranting, just need to understand where the person I once was has gone

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The problem is that we allow them to have this. When I met me ex I was ridiculously in control of my life and very happy. Now im this mess and she's just got on with hers instantly.


What you need to do is learn to not give up the life you had when you get in a relationship. Keep your friends close and don't make them always the number 1 priority.

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You said it in your first sentence.....you "used to be in control".


As I said in a reply to another post, the fear of losing control is such a primal fear. That's why the emotion felt during a break up can be so overwhelming. If you're used to being in control and making your own choices, the realization that another person has power over you that is beyond your control can reduce you to a quivering wreck. No amount of begging and pleading makes a difference. All of a sudden your happiness and your future seems to be in the hands of someone else; and that someone else is now someone who is no longer the person that you thought you knew.


I can really empathize with you. I too, had a "man-child" in my life. The memory of my fruitless desperation to keep him is now an embarrassment to me. It took a long time to recover my self-esteem.


The person you once were is still there inside you. Believe me, time will heal, and an understanding of why you reacted the way you did will help you to recover.

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It is bizarre as the rest of my life is fine, I am lucky to have great friends and family, plus my studies. it is not as though I have nothing to do, I just wonder why he became this all encompassing power who seemed to take control of my self...


I became a wreck, he saw me as a wreck, I feel ashamed and just want me back.

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Know exactly what you mean.


I used to be so in control of my own life it was unbelievable.


Always happy, loads of good, close friends from Female to male, close family, good job with prospects that I enoyed, and lastly I enjoyed my own company.


Now, I'm in a complete mess, that one person has left a big almighty gap in my life that is tearing me to pieces and I can't see me ever getting over her.

I'm pushing mates away, my family are worried about me and I can't even do any of my work at the moment because my mind is elsewhere.


And worst of all, I HATE my own company. If I was on my own, not going out I'd just chill out on my computer, or watch TV or just play on the PS3. Now I go o nthe PC and after 5min go sit on my bed... I then put the TV on but can't concentrate on anything so I'll put my PS3 on... Turn this off after 5min.

I then just end up sitting there, looking at my phone hoping I get a text, or a call or anything


My mood is changing like you never know. 1 min I'm ok and getting over her, the next I'm obsessing over her in my head!

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