Lostheart87 Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 So im back again, and to be honest I've been doing pretty well since the BU about 2.5 months ago. She is in Connecticut now for an internship and won't be back for another 7 or so weeks. Before she left we had a long discussion about the BU, and where we currently stand...which is "doors open but no promises made." When she left I decided to go NC until she decided that she wanted to contact me. Sure enough, about 1.5 weeks after she left, she contacts me asking me how I am doing. We had a simple talk about how her internship is going, how my summer is, yadda yadda, and ended with a cheerful bye. Now she is still texting me about every half week to a full week, saying things like "was thinking of you, thought you might like to know," and stuff like that. She SEEMS like she wants me back, but honestly I have no idea what is going on. I don't make contact, but I don't ignore her either, it's always on her end (considering she is the one who broke up with me, that only seems logical). So what do I do? Do I come right out and say "What is it that I am to you?" or "What is it that you want from me?" I am just confused. I love this woman dearly, and I know right now this time apart (FAR apart, cause im back in Cali) is probably the best thing for us, considering absence makes the heart grow fonder...but what do I do? I don't want to ruin my chances so do I just sit back and let her get closer, or do I take a step towards her instead? And sorry, the whole "Leave her be" isn't going to work here...not everyone works in the same way, and I somehow KNOW that I am supposed to be with her, and I know what you are thinking but please don't go there lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dramallama Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 So... did you tell her to specifically contact you only when she would like to reconcile? If you are that confused, respond to her next time saying that unless she would like to get into a relationship with each other again today, that you don't appreciate being contacted because you would like to heal. It doesn't sound like she's desperate to be with you, otherwise there would be no doubt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lostheart87 Posted June 17, 2011 Author Share Posted June 17, 2011 So... did you tell her to specifically contact you only when she would like to reconcile? If you are that confused, respond to her next time saying that unless she would like to get into a relationship with each other again today, that you don't appreciate being contacted because you would like to heal. It doesn't sound like she's desperate to be with you, otherwise there would be no doubt. Yes I told her that in the beginning, but not everyone works in that way. She can't just come right out and say "I want to be with you again". She is like me in the way that I need reassurance that the person I want to be with again isn't going to hurt me, or that we aren't going to just walk the same path we did before. In order to do this the friendship must be reconnected, and once the two people in question are on the same path THEN they can say "I want to be with you again." I really wish the world worked in such a way that someone can just pick up the phone and go "hun I want you back," but in these times of uncertainty it just doesn't work that way anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
onemoretime Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 I really wish the world worked in such a way that someone can just pick up the phone and go "hun I want you back," but in these times of uncertainty it just doesn't work that way anymore. Are really sure about this? It also seems like the type of thing you'd tell yourself when you're in denial Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dramallama Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 Yes I told her that in the beginning, but not everyone works in that way. She can't just come right out and say "I want to be with you again". She is like me in the way that I need reassurance that the person I want to be with again isn't going to hurt me, or that we aren't going to just walk the same path we did before. In order to do this the friendship must be reconnected, and once the two people in question are on the same path THEN they can say "I want to be with you again." I really wish the world worked in such a way that someone can just pick up the phone and go "hun I want you back," but in these times of uncertainty it just doesn't work that way anymore. Ok, well, what advice do you want then? Really she knows how to be clear and straight with you if that's what your standards are. But if you allow her to call you just because she misses you, then you should also expect to be strung along. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skyhigh2 Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 So what do I do? Do I come right out and say "What is it that I am to you?" or "What is it that you want from me?" I am just confused. Don't directly ask her questions just yet. Speak to her politely when she get's in touch with you - be an absolute gentleman. You would first want her to get comfortable around you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lostheart87 Posted June 17, 2011 Author Share Posted June 17, 2011 Are really sure about this? It also seems like the type of thing you'd tell yourself when you're in denial Believe me...i've been like this for as long as I can remember. The way I am is I start making contact again, and slowly try to gain the person's trust back. I have learned in my years of living that if you just jump right back into saying "i want you back," it is almost counter-productive. Just an opinion, not that it works for everyone, but it's just how I am. Ok, well, what advice do you want then? Really she knows how to be clear and straight with you if that's what your standards are. But if you allow her to call you just because she misses you, then you should also expect to be strung along. I know what it is like to be strung along...I did it for an entire year after my first relationship so I know where to look for. I am just wondering now what the proper course of action to take is without stepping on my feet again Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lostheart87 Posted June 17, 2011 Author Share Posted June 17, 2011 Don't directly ask her questions just yet. Speak to her politely when she get's in touch with you - be an absolute gentleman. You would first want her to get comfortable around you. This is basically what I have been doing...and it seems to be working as far as I can tell. In the mean time I am dating again, and have been on 2 since the BU. In fact, I almost encourage her to date in order to find out what she really wants. Some things that I have suggested is that we skype to each other, see each others faces. She said she would like that, but I haven't brought it up since then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MakeItCount Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 Sorry dude, but if she wanted to consider getting back together with you she would at least be excited about skype, etc. And come up with something a little more productive than "I was thinking about you". I've seen way too many people get strung along like this. Your choice though, be at her beck and call, or make her sweat a little bit. Right now, she doesn't really have to worry about losing you as a backup. your call. I probably should've put a disclaimer on this post, since you don't wanna hear the truth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
charlieyost Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 ask her! what i have learnt. just be yourself. ask her what she wants. if she isnt sure, tell her u want no contact till she is sure about anything. dont let her play with ur heart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jumper11 Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 Yes, not all people say I WANT YOU........... HOWEVER!!! You have to be more firm and NC otherwise, right now you're just letting her ride her boat. And you're along for the ride. You have to be more firm with your ways, because right now she feels she has nothing to lose. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mustachio Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 I agree with most everyone else in this thread. Regardless of her intent, you feel strung along. You want to get back together, she seems to be hinting at it, yet she wont commit. As far as I see it, there are a couple possibilities, either she is testing the water because she does want to get back together, or she is having a hard time adjusting to not being with you and is actually using you to cushion her fall, so to speak. I also see tons of people on here basing their own actions on the potential action of others. You arent speaking up one way or another because you are worried what she might do. I know its hard to be completely objective in that way, but what is your first instinct? Continue talking to her as you have? Tell her not to contact you unless its to reconcile? or... just go NC? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thejigsup Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 Okay, for what it's worth, I'm a female and this is my point-of-view: When we have been the dumper and want to get back with the guy (I've never done that, but my friends have), we make sure the guy knows in NO UNCERTAIN TERMS! This is the one time we do not beat around the bush. I think your ex wants to keep you on the back burner. I used to call guys I talked with but didn't really take seriously, my "ace-in-the-holes". I had a couple of guys that I could call anytime I needed a date, a friend, or just a diversion, and they would be guaranteed to be there. Lots of girls have them. Don't let this happen to you, you sound like a really nice, caring, upfront guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lostheart87 Posted June 17, 2011 Author Share Posted June 17, 2011 I think, considering the things that people have responded with so far, that I am going to talk to her soon, and ask her what her intentions with me are. And that if those intentions do not match what I want, then it is NC for me. I really love this girl, and something inside me tells me that I am supposed to be with her, I just need to know what she is intending Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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