hausser Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 Yeah another FB thread sorry. I am on day 15 of NC and it's tough. Not So raw anymore but I still miss her, a lot. We had a mutual break up, a very brief recon then I pushed her away with demands when I realised she wasn't coming begging. Classic example. We remained in positive contact (her initiating) until just over 2 weeks ago. Then, like needy jerk I flipped out one day using our dog as an excuse when I realised she wasn't coming begging, had a nasty argument and here we are. Basically I have read several accounts here, on and off here that being blocked is quite a harsh thing to have done to you, dumper or dumpee. Even though she had unfriended me, I know that she would have been deeply, deeply offended by me blocking her and taken it as a sign that I am done with her which isn't neccesarily true. Now, I was with this girl for 3.5 years and loved her dearly. I do not want to spend the rest of my life with a negative image of her, as despite us breaking up we had some wonderful times. Our breakup has put me in a very very bad financial situation, where at the age of 28 I am unskilled and living in an area with next to no employment. I have no close friends who socialise regularly and am jobless. I live in a two bedroom apartment and have no car. My only real way out of this misery is to literally move country which I have the opportunity to do, but if I do then it would be madness for me to come back. So I need to be 100% sure she isn't interested in a recon before I do. Just to add, me moving away would involve me giving up a home and rehoming my dog. It would be a real new start. I am pretty sure the reason she hasn't been in touch is due to the fact that I have blocked her, I bet a lot of money she assumes I am going to ignore her all together, which is not true. Let me make this clear, she would still be deleted, I will stay remain NC but I if I unblock her she gets the message that I am not some ogre. Opinions or thoughts welcome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tired Tiger Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 I flipped out one day over our dog when I realised she wasn't coming begging, had a nasty argument and here we are. Wait... you realized who wasn't begging - the dog or the ex? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlowBlues Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 Deleting or blocking them on FB has nothing to do with them and everything to do with you. It's not meant to send a message it is meant to help you heal. I struggled with the decision to block my ex on FB before doing it because I thought it was sending her a message that I was weak. Well I realized that it was only making me feel weaker being FB friends with her and being able to see her profile and activity so I went ahead and unfriended, explained to her why, and began NC. Do not use blocking/unblocking as some sort of tactic and don't try and analyze how she is reacting to it because it shouldn't matter. Remember this is about YOU not about her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SapphireNoir10 Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 No. Its not OTT. I deleted and blocked my ex cos It stops me from looking at their FB and obsessing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DanDee Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 I see defriending as worse than blocking to be honest. You blocked her only as a reaction to her deleting you (and she'll know this), so you've no need to feel evil at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hausser Posted June 17, 2011 Author Share Posted June 17, 2011 I can't see her profile even if she's unblocked. I know it's about me but you guys have go to understand (sorry if you missed the edit) that I really have no alternative other than to move away, permanently, should we not get back. I can't afford to live here and have an opportunity to move that is limited in time. When I was doing NC on her, she was initiating. In fact, two days before our argument last going off she rang me and we had a 20 minute convo. I know staying NC is the right way to go and I have no desire to break that but I know my ex and know that she would see me blocking her as a very clear sign that I am basically repulsed by her. With stakes as high as having to give up my house, dog and hometown for the last 28 years, I need to know exactly whats going on. Can you see what I'm saying guys? I can't afford to risk losing everything over my ex taking a FB feature the wrong way. I figure if I unblock her, she will know I am being friendly. I don't see the need to turn on her like an enemy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlowBlues Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 Then go ahead and unblock her. You still won't be FB friends anyway. Do whatever man... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackhawks1287 Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 After over two months of NC and having my ex blocked and a few others...I stupidly changed my privacy/account settings and it reset my block list... Nothing has come out of it really. Two of her friends contacted me still wanted to hang out and she immediately changed her prof pic to her and the guy she left me for. Didn't phase me, knew it for the past 3 months anyway. You are looking for a reaction or you wouldn't be asking. You honestly shouldn't care, but you are in a difficult time, and want validation of some sort that you are still like or don't want to appear like the devil. Unblock her if you want to be TRULY be friends again, not just to send a friendly message that you don't hate her. It is facebook after all and means nothing. But if you see it as a sign to clear the air for whatever that means over a social network...then so be it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hausser Posted June 17, 2011 Author Share Posted June 17, 2011 Thanks man. Basically to summise. Mutual break-up. She acted less bothered, I acted needy and pushed her away. We remained in touch. I got angry she wasnt running back and initiated the two nasty arguments we had, the last one being particularly bad. I went NC and also blocked her, sending quite a clear signal. She did say at one point she didnt want to get back together but was still communictive, generally once every three to five days. My ex is used to me being very stubborn and strong willed. I am not suggesting she will come back for a recon, but as the alternative is almost a complete life change if there is a possiblity (and knowing her I say may possibly be one) I need to know fairly soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tired Tiger Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 Something I've brought up before is the phrase "can't see the forest for the trees". As you describe your situation, the heart of the matter and real anxiety here isn't about (and shouldn't be about) Facebook. Are you not faced with a major life change? Does it sound reasonable to put any thought whatsoever in what someone may think of the click of a mouse? Try to give that some thought in a way that doesn't keep you paralyzed. You have a lot to do - for you - that shouldn't be contingent upon something so inane. Does she know you're planning on leaving? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartGoesOn Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 I find it sad how some people allow Facebook to dictate their lives, and I find it pointless to be using it as a tool in a relationship. I'm sorry that you're in this situation, but she knows where to find you, and if she's truly interested in getting back together, she'll be willing to contact you through other means. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hausser Posted June 17, 2011 Author Share Posted June 17, 2011 True guys. Tiger, no though she knows I had vague plans they have actually materialised this time though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dramallama Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 Do what is best for yourself and healing. Not what your ex may think or what will make it easier for them to contact you, because even if they can't message you on facebook I'm sure you can think of at least 5 different ways to contact you otherwise IF they want to reconcile. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oneironaut Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 I have to third what Heart and drama said...if she's ever interested in talking about reconciliation, she WILL find a way to contact you, period. You have to do what's best for YOU, not what may or may not offend her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mustachio Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 Agree with all this. Regardless of whether she is blocked on FB, if she wanted to get in touch, she would find a way. I had my ex blocked for a year and a half after our breakup and after finally get curious, I unblocked to her to take a look at her page. It didnt affect me as much as I thought so I left her unblocked. I got the friend request from her 3 days later and said screw it and accepted. I still have blocked off my news feed though as I have no particular interest to hear or see anything about her life. I was concerned that maybe she would try to contact me if we were friends on fb, but she hasnt. I know if she wanted to, she would have contacted me regardless of fb status. Either way, I recommend keeping the block. Took me a over a year and a half to even get to the point where the small amount of pain I got from looking her up really didnt bother me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hausser Posted June 17, 2011 Author Share Posted June 17, 2011 Well I unblocked her. I am not breaking NC though. I see what someone you guy's are saying but my ex would take me blanking her out as a sign I didnt want to communicate full stop. Like I said Im tired of treating her like an enemy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dramallama Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 Well I unblocked her. I am not breaking NC though. I see what someone you guy's are saying but my ex would take me blanking her out as a sign I didnt want to communicate full stop. Like I said Im tired of treating her like an enemy. Like I said, do what is best for you and your healing. Not what she thinks. I believe that you are still acting from a place of worrying what she thinks, which is even more reason to block her. If you aren't going to look at her page (which will not help healing if you do), then that's fine. For all she knows, you could have deactivated your account. And like I said, if an ex wants to get in contact with you they will find a way AND they won't just assume that you blocked them because you don't want to get back together - they will ask you yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hausser Posted June 19, 2011 Author Share Posted June 19, 2011 You are right llama, it hasn't had any effect whastoever, and I ended up reading a post of hers yesterday (yes I did seek it out) on her sisters wall which made me really wonder. She's acting different too, like a lot more cocky. Think I'll reblock her permantley later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dramallama Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 You are right llama, it hasn't had any effect whastoever, and I ended up reading a post of hers yesterday (yes I did seek it out) on her sisters wall which made me really wonder. She's acting different too, like a lot more cocky. Think I'll reblock her permantley later. This is what I mean when I say that healing is a choice - you are choosing to seek out new information which is giving you information to analyse over, or "wonder" as you put it. You can only heal once you take away all of the new sources of information (being in contact, facebook, mutual friends telling you etc). Then eventually you'll have pondered over everything and then your thoughts about them will die down - but not if you keep adding fuel to the fire. I hope that you block your ex sooner rather than later. Even taking facebook out of the equation, I'm sure that you can think of at least 5 different ways that your ex can contact you IF she changes her mind (but most don't, sorry). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hausser Posted June 20, 2011 Author Share Posted June 20, 2011 Reblocked! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TSandullo Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 FB Blocking imho isn't ott. In the end it all depends on what you want and how you feel. I have been broken up with her for over a year and a half and intend to block soon (Defriended almost a year ago). I truly don't see any need of having her in my life, even as an acquaintance, as good and respectful as we were and are to one another. TS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ILostHim Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 So I blocked my ex-boyfriend and even went as far as to un-friend his friends because I knew it would have been highly likely that somehow he'll pop up through my News Feed through them and I just didn't want anymore setbacks. He took notice of it both: the un-friending as well as the blocking. He told me this through an e-mail: ________, It makes me sad you always tend to be so extreme. Please find some relaxation over the summer. I wouldn't have blocked you nor would I have deleted your friends. I haven't replied nor do I plan to. I feel like (or KNOW) I don't have to justify my actions in regards to him, but I don't like the idea of him thinking that way about me though I know I shouldn't even care what he thinks. He wanted me out of his life and that's all I'm giving him. Also, we weren't even friends on FB so seeing each other's page and anything else would have been strictly just a profile picture, so why should it matter? I'm struggling with this right now and at least he's right on the case that I have to find relaxation this summer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hausser Posted June 20, 2011 Author Share Posted June 20, 2011 Re-read the bits highlighted. Hey ILostHim, I know you're feeling raw right now but you should really consider changing your username. You won't feel this way forever hon, I promise you and if you are going to reconcile (which does happen) it won't be while you are in the mindset of seeing yourself low and keeping him in high regard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ILostHim Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 Re-read the bits highlighted. Hey ILostHim, I know you're feeling raw right now but you should really consider changing your username. You won't feel this way forever hon, I promise you and if you are going to reconcile (which does happen) it won't be while you are in the mindset of seeing yourself low and keeping him in high regard. Agreed. For right now though, I think I'll take the time to let this wash over me. I know it won't last forever, but at this moment, yeah, I'm feeling too raw about the situation. Off-topic, but is there a way to change my username or must I make a new account? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hausser Posted June 20, 2011 Author Share Posted June 20, 2011 Pretty sure the mods will. Yeah a break up is a bgrieving process akin to a death. Mourn for as long as you want, analyse too, I did. It may help but remember, judge a person by their actions, not their words. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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