Can parents influence a dumper's decision?

[lostsoul22]

He broke up with me 6 months ago. He had moved in from his own apartment to his mother's house. We both come from different cultures, but it wasn't much of an issue for us because although different, he appreciated me for who I was. We had been together for nearly 2 years. We were LDR (would have been until this summer), short after dating, but, we communicated well and really began to understand each other. And when I visited back home or when he came to visit me, we always had an amazing time together. Last summer, he introduced me to his mother because he moved in with her before he left for a course abroad, and I returned back to grad school shortly after. That summer, I met her for only less than a week. This past winter break, he and I came back to our city. When I pulled up the email he wrote with his mother's home phone number, it was a wrong number. Besides, his email seemed a little distant. When I finally got in touch with him, I asked him 'Do you want to see me? If you don't, you can let me know'. He got upset that I had asked him this, and asked me to come over. Anyways, he has seemed to go back and forth with his decision to break up, but decided against it. One day he called me to meet him at the mall, and broke up and ran away. I was in shock. I really didn't know what suddenly happened, because the last time I saw him, him and I were planning his trip to where my school was at. I went home, I called him once and his mother let me know that 'he wasn't home'. I called once over the next two days, and got the same resonse. I tried really hard to not loose my patience, and never blowed there phone or anything. Only called there once each day. On the third day, I had to go see him. He was there, and I was invited in. When we talked, we dicussed what happened at the mall. He was warm towards me. But, there was no closure in the disussion. From what I gathered he seemed confused. I asked him, can you please just think over it. He agreed to continue the talk the next day. The next day when I called, he mentioned that he wanted to stick to his decision, I panicked and went there again. We talked again (he and I went for a walk), and we talked for a couple of hours in which he went back and forth and towards the evening mentioned that he 'was really confused' and finally told me 'I really love you, you make me so happy and there is nothing more that I want than for this to work out between us'. I felt better. The next day no one picks up the phone. I go there, and his mother tells me to leave her property. I kindly requested if I could speak to him. But, she asked me to leave. I was confused at the point. I sat accross the street waiting in hopes that he would come confront me. He didn't, but his mother came up to me and told me leave. She asked me to take my grief somewhere else. And told me I was creating a scene. I apolozised and left. I never called nor showed up at their house ever again after this.

What saddens me is that, his mother (who I might have met maybe 10 times at the most) saw me at my lowest. She might have seen me as needy, pathetic, pushy etc. And trust me, I am not proud of this either. But, I didn't see it at the time. To make matters worst, because I come from a different culture, she probably might not have seen me 'fit' for her son in the long run.

He has only spoken to me once on skype after that telling me he acknowledges that I was more hurt than him (because I mentioned that in an email I sent him) and that he would be there to offer support as a friend and be there to listen. I waited for a week before contacting him. I had even prepared a list of questions I thought he could answer too. But he never replied or show up online. And, I never heard from him after that.

One of his biggest concern during our talk was that 'we wouldn't have seen each other for 8 more months'. Because, right after I would have returned from school, he would have left for summer abroad.

I'm not sure if he will ever get in touch with me, but I'm worried that if in future he decide's to get in touch with me, his mother might talk him out of it.

[Silverbirch]

Yes, that ispossible. I have worked with people from various cultures whose parents have arranged marriages for them. The marriages have often not gone through, but people can definitely have a lot of pressure put on them.

 

If the possibility of me ever reconciling happens, I know I would have to think very carefully about it because of thiings my mother has said to me - i.e. "He is not good enough for you." (because of how he went about the breakup and because of problems in his family - not good relationship material). My situation is a little different to yours though so I don't think that they can really be compared, but yes, family and friends can definitely some peoples decisions on whether or not to return to exes.

[BellaDonna]

I think parents can definitely influence a dumper's decision (to dump and also to stay broken up). This especially seems to be true if the parents have financial influence or control over their adult son or daughter.

 

You may never know if it is all his doings or if his mother is part of it. But either way it is not a good situation. If you know you were good to him, honest with him, and gave him your all- and he is shutting you out solely for his mother, and not able to think for himself, he might not be a good person to pursue anyways. If his mother is that judgemental and has that much power over his mind and life choices, it would probably be Hell for you even if you did end up together. She would be a nuisance at best.

 

He knows you wanted to work it out. If he is not contacting you then the best thing you can do for yourself is have No Contact with him and try to stop figuring out "why" he is silent, and just try to move forward.