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My Boyfriend Refuses to Stop Talking to His Ex-Girlfriend


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My boyfriend and I have been dating for quite some time, but last fall we broke up briefly. I dated someone else and he met this woman and started dating her. Well, he and I reconnected and got back together. He broke up with her at a bar one night and she left him at the bar and went home with another guy. She and this other guy ended up staying together that night and are not living together. However, she was so furious that my boyfriend and I got back together, she came over to my house and keyed his car...doing $2,000 worth of damage. She even waived to my neighbor as she was doing it. My neighbor called the police and she admitted to keying the car.


Well anyway she still calls my boyfriend all the time and wants to talk to him. She is still living with the other guy and she is making payments to my boyfriend on the damage to the car. My boyfriend says he stays in touch with her in order to get all of his money. I think she still wants to get back with my boyfriend. My boyfriend says I am being insecure and jealous and that he is not interested in her anymore...but I'm not so sure. He always goes outside to take her calls. He says the calls are business related because they are in the same type business.


I just don't know what to do. I've tried talking to him about it, but he says I'm being ridiculous. I've heard him talk to her on the phone and he talks very sweet and nice. However, he really talks like that to everyone. He is a very sweet guy. He told her he didn't hate her for keying his car. I think he should be more angry.


What should I do?

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I think the best thing to do is trust him. It's easy to allow scenarios to run in your head, though all they are going to do is cause you stress. Focus on what IS happening rather than what you THINK is happening. Besides, what guy would want to become intimate again with someone who caused $2,000 worth of damage to his car? If he took her back, sounds like she'd burn his clothes if he left again.

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He told her he didn't hate her for keying his car. I think he should be more angry.



I think it's great that your bf is that forgiving. Honestly, you would like him to be more angry? Think about that. It bodes well for your own relationship that he is a forgiving person.


I also understand keeping in touch with someone who owes him money and is actively paying it back. That means that A) there is a chance she will pay it in full because she is accountable, and B) that he may cut ties with her when the payment is complete.


Let it go. So what if she still wants him? He doesn't want her, and that's the only thing that matters.

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Unfortunately, regardless of how much this bugs you - he's not willing to do anything about it to at least ease your worries. IMO, when one participates in something that stresses out or hurts their partner, they should at least take some action to help ease that stress if not cease the activity altogether.


My bf works in an office will all girls because the one other guy that worked there got transferred. At first I was a nervous wreck, imagining scenarios and wondering if they were pretty... I was letting it consume me. My bf being the caring, understanding sweet man that he is, did whatever he could to ease my worries. I, of course, would never want him to quit his job - but his actions were all that I needed.


I too wonder why your bf's not too upset about the damage... that's something that merits some negative emotion...

If he's only talking to her to update about the money, than I'd say that's fine but anything other than that I'd have to say is out of line at this point. She's not some sweet ex-gf from the past who can pass as a friend now. She's a bitter ex who did property damage, and now he's on speaking terms? I'm sorry, but he can find someone else to talk business with.


To me, trust is merited and maintained, not earned once and given wholly forever - especially when questionable activities are in motion. I'm not trying to stir anything up - I'm merely giving my opinion. In my relationship, my stress and worry isn't worth talking to an ex and his stress and worry isn't worth it either. We are each other's most important priority - our feelings matter most.

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