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what does emotional unavailabilty mean?


slammin16

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I am asking what it means?

 

It manifests itself in different ways, but ForumGuy is correct. Emotionally unavailable people will put up walls and deliberately avoid becoming what most consider "close" in a relationship. Their demeanor will be cold, withdrawn and unaffectionate. They fail to show or discuss how they feel. It can just be part of their personality or the result of past traumas.

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It is my opinion that they have more than what would be considered a normal amount of narcissism (self-love) in themsleves.

Narcissism ISN'T self love. In fact I'd say that self love is completely essential to being emotionally available; if you don't love yourself and have a proper self regard then you can't truly love others, or let them close to you. If you aren't comfortable with your own emotions, you won't be comfortable with others expressing theirs, and really being able to share your true, unvarnished self with others is the essence of emotional availability.

 

Narcissism is an abandonment of the self in favour of a projected image (well, actually, this is a huge subject and I won't hijack this thread about it).

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Narcissism ISN'T self love. In fact I'd say that self love is completely essential to being emotionally available; if you don't love yourself and have a proper self regard then you can't truly love others, or let them close to you. If you aren't comfortable with your own emotions, you won't be comfortable with others expressing theirs, and really being able to share your true, unvarnished self with others is the essence of emotional availability.

 

Narcissism is an abandonment of the self in favour of a projected image (well, actually, this is a huge subject and I won't hijack this thread about it).

Yes, narcissism is self love. The trait is based on Narcissus falling in love with his own image reflected from water. You are right however, that self love is necessary to be emotionally available in a relationship, as long as it is not in excess. When an excess of this self absorbation occurs, emotional availability pays the price. The "abandonment" you mention is the emotional unavailability.
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The trait is based on Narcissus falling in love with his own image reflected from water.

That's the whole point. He fell in love with an IMAGE.

 

Quoting from Alexander Lowen's 'Narcissism. Denial of the true self':

'Contrary to popular belief, narcissists do not love themselves, or anyone else. They are people who cannot accept their true selves, constructing instead a fixed mask that hides emotional numbness - an ability to feel.'

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'Contrary to popular belief, narcissists do not love themselves, or anyone else. They are people who cannot accept their true selves, constructing instead a fixed mask that hides emotional numbness - an ability to feel.'
Exactly, note the last 7 words.
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