Why do I remember the way we started so vividly?

[LN1987]

So I went out on a date tonight (it was quite awkward) and it made me think, how are things not right with my ex now, when we started off with such ease. There was no awkwardness, no shyness, we just hit it off from the get go...

 

How come I think back to those memories and say, wow we were meant to be together. There really was something there, and I just want him to see that too. He knew how good our beginning was, he was there, how can he just push those memories aside?

[LN1987]

And would there be any point reminding him of how good we were when we met, it was just so easy. None of this awkwardness, no weird feelings, just easy... I dont get that with other guys

[Eocsor]

No. There would be no point. If you're at the stage where you've moved on enough to date, why would you want to go back and revisit all that hurt. Finding someone new isn't easy, if it was we'd all be in happy relationships. Give it time and you will click with someone eventually.

[iBroken]

So I went out on a date tonight (it was quite awkward) and it made me think, how are things not right with my ex now, when we started off with such ease. There was no awkwardness, no shyness, we just hit it off from the get go...

 

How come I think back to those memories and say, wow we were meant to be together. There really was something there, and I just want him to see that too. He knew how good our beginning was, he was there, how can he just push those memories aside?

 

The reason it was so awkward was because you are not over your ex.

 

Based on your threads, you should not be rebounding and trying to date others. You are only sucking them into your hole of darkness and despair. You dont like being the treated the way you have been by your ex, why do it to someone else if you know how it feels?

 

As a side note - I thought my ex was the greatest thing. Until I met my now girlfriend. When we met for the first time, we hit it off right away........I knew then I was in trouble. But that was after I took time to process my breakup.

 

Rebounds are not a good thing heartbreak of ENA....not a good thing at all!

[lavenderdove]

Yes, you are still hooked on the ex, which is the problem. You're comparing all the warm feelings and long history you had with him (and your desire to still be with him) against a new guy. If you were more emotionally available, you might be emotionally free to enjoy the new guy more.

 

Or it could be the new guy just isn't right for you. But plenty of people are a bit shy on the first date, so i wouldn't make any judgments until you been out with him several times. And perhaps evaluate whether you're ready to date yet if all you do is think about your ex.

[LN1987]

My question was though, will I ever hit it off the way I did with my ex... It was so easy, never hard, we were like best friends from day 1. It just all happened as if it were meant to, you know?

 

Have you all had this before with your ex's, the feeling like the way it started had to mean it was right?

[lavenderdove]

You're missing the point here... you keep saying how 'easy' it was, but a few golden moments on your first dates doesn't mean it was 'meant to be' as you've already discovered with your ex, and that relationship got incredibly HARD later on or you'd still be together.

 

Don't confuse excitement and new love hormones that stimulate those false feelings of total bonding with being 'meant to be'. A relationship is a marathon race, not a sprint that is won in the first few moments of the race. Too many people confuse that new love hormones and excitement with love, and if they do, it will fall apart in a few years when those hormones wear off, and the person then goes off chasing someone else.

 

Slow and steady wins the race! A true and lasting love is formed over time and not with an instant feeling of bonding which is basically hormonal since you truly don't really know the person at that point or whether you can go the distance with them at that point. It may be quite fun, exciting, new, and certainly an intoxicating new love hormone brew, but that is not love at all, and frankly you need to be suspicious of interpreting that as some kind of magical indication it was meant to be. Hormones ARE intoxicating, but they are not indicative of a permanent bond that is built on such much more than having fun together and wallowing in new love hormones. True love will still be there when it wears off and runs far deeper than that.

 

So don't expect anything at all when you first start dating someone (or for it to 'mean' something more than it is). Go out on several dates with someone, and take your time. Some of the best relationships there are start slowly because they have been building slowy and strongly over time rather than just being a flash in the pan.

[TSandullo]

Hey LN1987.

 

None of us can deny the emotional bond you had with your ex and how it started.

But consider this, perhaps the man you will end up loving and marrying will be a person you are not attracted to at all in the beginning, are really annoyed by him, but gradually see his greatness and slowly begin to take up a liking, leading to something more.

 

No two romances are ever the same. Try to keep that in mind.

 

Example, my ex and I started off well and it grew into love. Well for her, I was smitten from day one.

And the guy she is with now, well she disliked him at first, found him annoying, was very upset one day when he told her to shutup. They have been together for over a year and a half and going strong.

 

So my point, don't blow off any potential dates because of any awkwardness. Different relationships start differently, and you may even have a stronger bond with someone you start of being really shy and awkward around.

 

If it helps, you may even consider not dating until you feel a lot better.

 

All the best,

 

TS