I have a bad jealousy problem and its going to ruin my relationship!

[beachgrl]

Hello Everyone:

I have been with my current boyfriend for 4 months. While he has some issues, I have alot of jealousy/abandonment issues. I get jealous over everything. A girl on the TV who he makes a comment over, once he looked at a girl in public not once but twice and I wanted to rip his head off lol. I cannot be on his friends list on fb because I know if I even attempted to, I would go balistic. He has female friends on there and I chose to not even pursue being on his friend's list on there (he hinted 3.5 months ago). It annoys me when he goes on there when I am with him, but that can be easily resolved. I know that fb ruins relationships, but when I see him on there I think he is talking to another girl (which isnt the case because he showed me the posts), when someone delete him he gets all mad too, but thats HIS issue not mine. The best thing I have decided to do is to not react about fb or anything, because that will just make him rebel, and if he is going to cheat he is going to cheat.

 

I just want to know how other women on here handle their bf's having female friends?? and, for those that have a jealousy problem, how do you work on NOT being jealous?

[FathomFear]

Fundamentally it sounds like you lack trust. If you trust him it shouldn't matter if he has 1 female friend on Facebook or 500.

 

I've never understood the tendency of some people to want to put their partners in "cages" and shelter them from "temptations". Your partner is with you because he wants to be with you. Not because you prevent him from being around everyone else.

[beachgrl]

Fundamentally it sounds like you lack trust. If you trust him it shouldn't matter if he has 1 female friend on Facebook or 500.

 

I've never understood the tendency of some people to want to put their partners in "cages" and shelter them from "temptations". Your partner is with you because he wants to be with you. Not because you prevent him from being around everyone else.

 

Well, I do think he is honest and trustworthy and wouldn't cheat, but I have trust issues that prevent me from trusting anyone completely. If he falls asleep and doesn't answer his phone, I will think he is with someone else.

[DWNWRDSPRL]

Were you like this with other relationships in the past?

 

My wife has the same issues. I can attest that it gets worse with age. We have our good days and bad days but it is something that she struggles with.

 

So is this something you have always fought with?

[hexaemeron]

Well, I do think he is honest and trustworthy and wouldn't cheat, but I have trust issues that prevent me from trusting anyone completely. If he falls asleep and doesn't answer his phone, I will think he is with someone else.

 

This is very very simple. Treat others as you would wish to be treated. Would you want someone you cared for to think you're off impaled on some other dude if you don't happen to answer tthe phone?

[LazyDaisy]

I was very jealous of my BF's relationship with his ex sister in law - how did I handle it? I became good friends with her too!

[beachgrl]

Were you like this with other relationships in the past?

 

My wife has the same issues. I can attest that it gets worse with age. We have our good days and bad days but it is something that she struggles with.

 

So is this something you have always fought with?

Yes, it definitely is.

[shuttlefish]

Low self esteem, classic signs. You need to tackle this head on.

[beachgrl]

Low self esteem, classic signs. You need to tackle this head on.

The most ridiclous part of this is, I have NO reason to have low self esteem. I am pretty, have my own apartment, have a full-time job, friends, etc. I have male friends too. One of my male friends has a girlfriend and she is not jealous AT ALL. I mean even if he flirted (via text) she wouldnt get jealous. I want to so be like that!! If my boyfriend finds someone else then it's his loss. I guess my issue here is, being lied to, going behind my back, and finding out a year later and have wasted time.

[Bunney]

I don't believe it would be wasted time. You learn from each single relationship, even if they eventually fail. And you grow stronger.

I understand your fear of the SO going behind your back, I have the same sometimes. But truth is, the risk is always there - in each single relationship in this world. Worrying whether its going to happen is pointless. It's like refusing to read a book because you want to know how it ends.. when instead you should enjoy the book page by page. Have some faith!

[Bunney]

And about him having female friends - its nothing to worry about because thats exactly what they are: "friends". He shouldn't be allowed to only have male friends just because he's in a relationship. It doesn't mean he wants them, or is attracted to them, yes it is possible for men and women to only be friends and have nothing else going on at all. You should only be concerned if there's heavy flirting, shady behavior etc going on but I assume that is not the case.

 

My bf also has female friends and at first I was jealous (only because of one in particular though) but us women have a habit of imagening things to be much worse in our head than they really are, we don't realize that a lot of the time the things we are jealous and worried about are in reality very much harmless. And be careful how much of your jealousy issues you reveal to him, nobody wants to deal with a controlling and possessive partner, much rather you would want him to keep viewing you as the loving, kind and good girlfriend that you probably are, right?

 

Don't make them out to be anything else than a normal friend, the same way he has normal guy friends. It is you who is in his heart and that is all that matters.

[xiRoCb294]

Yes, just remember that even if he is physically with his friends, emotionally, you're the one that has him. You've got his heart and that's the most important thing!

[AllForGod]

Ya, I am the same way. It has much less to do with self-esteem and way more to do with lying and going behind my back. Your larger problem is trust, then jealousy. I find it hard to completely believe whatever comes out of my gf's mouth sometimes. But with constant work and really thinking "is she talking to someone" and thinking how stupid it is, it started to go away. Just keep working at it, it will get better.