LoveHurts89 Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 First of all, I'd like to thank all of you who have been there to support me through this difficult process, it's been a great help. I'm clear in my head now. I know that he doesn't want to be in a relationship with me. Whether that's just for now, or for forever, who knows. But I have to stop clinging on to the hope that he'll return. It Jang healthy, and it hasn't helped me. Saturday, I made the suggestion to not contact each other for a month, give each other cooling off space, but he said no as he thought I'd have an expectation of something more once that month had ended. Anyway, when I contacted him the day after regarding my health insurance documents, he didn't reply. I sent a few more texts and he said no contact means no contact, which confused me as he'd refused my offer. So yesterday, I needed some clarity, as I wasn't sure whether he was agreeing to the month or not. I asked him, and he said it has to be no contact indefinitely. I was a complete mess. Really upset that he didn't want to contact me ever. But I waited a while to respond so it wasn't irate. Me: To enable me to walk away, I want to let you know this. You know how I feel about you and about us, and hope one day we're able to re-establish a successful relationship. "If you love somebody, set them free. If they return, they're yours to keep, if they don't, they never were". I'll practise that theory. Thank you for a wonderful life. Please don't thank me, as it hurts that you've walked away from it. So, you know how I feel, that's all I can do. You know where I am. If you feel you made a mistake, contact me. If the realisation is strong enough, I know you'll swallow your pride just once to show me. If not, then we weren't meant to be. But I'll treasure our memories for forever and day. The promises I've asked from you, I'll honour to you also. Xx (This refers to, if we meet somebody, we'd tell the other person out of courtesy as we have a lot of the same friends, and would be unfair for the other person to find out from hearsay.) Stuart: That was a lovely text. Am so sorry. Me: Just promise me Stuie. If you realise one day you've made a mistake, you'll swallow your pride and let me know? You'll hold a special place in my heart forever hun. That promise will mean the world to me. If you realise you're unhappy, there's no need for us both to be unhappy hey. And if not, I hope we can be friends one day when we've both healed x Stuart: Ive already promised that hun! I feel really content with this. He knows how I feel, completely. And so now I don't feel the need to tell him every single day over a million text messages. I feel we're on good terms, as opposed to him telling me he was going to throw his phone on Sunday. And I now know I've done all that I could have done to make it work, so can walk away with my head held high. If he returns, then that'd be wonderful, but if not, then we were not meant to be life partners. We were merely sent here to spend a short part of our lives with each other, to teach each other a few lessons, and to show each other what true love is. I know that I won't settle for anything less than everything that he gave to me in the future. I think this is what they call "closure". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 please, please, please do not call/text/email/facebook/im/skype ---- you've got your "closure" ---walk away quietly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LoveHurts89 Posted June 16, 2011 Author Share Posted June 16, 2011 I won't I have no desire to. Little things make me want to, but it's easier to stop myself now. He will be in touch in the not too distant future for me to collect my belongings, but I'm in no rush, so won't be pushing him along to hurry that up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
endy Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 I won't I have no desire to. Little things make me want to, but it's easier to stop myself now. He will be in touch in the not too distant future for me to collect my belongings, but I'm in no rush, so won't be pushing him along to hurry that up. Love that's fine but you're still going to have that urge again. You need to be strong enough now not to do that and move on with your life. I hope you can do that now. Like I said you're going through withdrawal from him. It's still an ongoing process most likely. You got a fix. Please don't allow yourself to contact him anymore. Your head will seriously think of some other reason to contact him and it's just going to set you back. Good luck on everything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LoveHurts89 Posted June 16, 2011 Author Share Posted June 16, 2011 Endy, I'd like to thank you personally for your help throughout. You've been really great. I'm still waiting for my book to arrive, but I'm looking forward to reading it. I'm going to be so strong from now on. It's highly unlikely he'd ever want anything in the future, but I know for certain he won't want anything whilst I'm pleading and begging. Right now, I feel like I'm in a secure place. Really, thank you xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
endy Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 Endy, I'd like to thank you personally for your help throughout. You've been really great. I'm still waiting for my book to arrive, but I'm looking forward to reading it. I'm going to be so strong from now on. It's highly unlikely he'd ever want anything in the future, but I know for certain he won't want anything whilst I'm pleading and begging. Right now, I feel like I'm in a secure place. Really, thank you xx You're more than welcome love. It's been my pleasure Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LoveHurts89 Posted June 17, 2011 Author Share Posted June 17, 2011 I feel like I really miss him this morning. Mornings are always my worst. I'm thinking about what to do tonight after work, and have no idea. Usually we'd spend Friday nights together. Hopefully this feeling will pass. Not gonna text him. I need to remain strong. I have to keep reminding myself if there is just a tiny smidgen of hope, it'll be dashed by me texting. But also need to remember not to get my hopes up, as it'll lead me to another fall. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LN1987 Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 What I have learnt is that as long as you say "please let me know if you chance your mind" they will not come running back as well, they know you are there right. After some massive mistakes on by part post BU, I gave away my soul to my ex. "if you change your mind" "i miss you" "I love you" etc etc. After 3 months of hell, and realises I had given him complete control over my own mind and actions I thought, stuff it. It shouldn't be about them changing their mind, it should be equal, as long as you say "im here" they are in control... Just my opinion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hello678 Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 What I have learnt is that as long as you say "please let me know if you chance your mind" they will not come running back as well, they know you are there right. After some massive mistakes on by part post BU, I gave away my soul to my ex. "if you change your mind" "i miss you" "I love you" etc etc. After 3 months of hell, and realises I had given him complete control over my own mind and actions I thought, stuff it. It shouldn't be about them changing their mind, it should be equal, as long as you say "im here" they are in control... Just my opinion. I agree. It just makes them feel content with having you even though your apart. What you best should do is just leave. They know how to get you, that one little line makes no difference at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LoveHurts89 Posted June 17, 2011 Author Share Posted June 17, 2011 Mtom, I just followed the advice from you the other day: What I HIGHLY recommend you do is go collect all your stuff from his house so you never have to see him again, close of all ends and than when you are leaving tell him in person that if he wants to get together he should contact you. Thats it. The end. I think maybe I misinterpreted it and told him too much. God, I'm a fool. Onwards and upwards, hey. I'll get there one day, somehow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hello678 Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 Mtom, I just followed the advice from you the other day: What I HIGHLY recommend you do is go collect all your stuff from his house so you never have to see him again, close of all ends and than when you are leaving tell him in person that if he wants to get together he should contact you. Thats it. The end. I think maybe I misinterpreted it and told him too much. God, I'm a fool. Onwards and upwards, hey. I'll get there one day, somehow. No no no no no no. Calm. There are a few options you can do, you can 1) Tell them that you want them back and disappear or you can 2) Just disappear. Its a fine line As to which is better? Its really difficult to put a hard and fast rule on it. I find telling them is usually better for personal hearing, because we know by this point there is usually no hope in them coming back, and that way you can leave knowing you have said everything you possible can and put it completely in their ball park. On the opposite end is disappearing without telling them. This makes you seem like you don't care, but I'm fairly sure in your situation you have demonstrated that over and over to the point that no further harm can be done. I stand by EXACTLY what i said in that thread the other day. You have told him you are leaving and he knows were to contact you. Its done. There will be no more texting of him and if he ever wants to reach you he knows exactly how =) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LoveHurts89 Posted June 17, 2011 Author Share Posted June 17, 2011 Yeh I guess so. Fingers crossed that we end up exactly where we need to. I just want to be happy again. Xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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