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Jeez this is hard.


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Deffo mate. I analysed every little thing! For the first week I was NC and the few weeks before that I literally lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling wondering where it all went wrong! I did this for hours though it probably did help. Anyway, NC has cleared all that up, all I need to know is that she isn't making any effort and that's how you should look at it. My ex was always really really keen to get back on track if we had rows etc but this time nothing. As I keep on harping on lol I unblocked my ex on FB yesterday and thus far has had no effect and I have this gut feeling it will be a LOOOOONG time before I hear anything if at all.


I am starting now, on day 17 to become interested in dating again. An old flame of mine posted on my FB wall yessterday and it cheered me up for hours as we still have a lot of chemistry.


Hang in there mate it gets a bit easier every day. I am not even sure I would even recon with her now, it just would be an ego boost for her to "break" before me....

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Yeah mate I know what you mean, I wake up in a foul mood, staring at the ceiling, looking at my phone, checking facebook to see if I have a message there.

She used to text me at all times, no matter what. Now no text at all... Surely she must be missing me in some way?


I'm not interested in anyone else at all, tried these dating sites, tried chatting to people I know have some interest in me on FB but it just doesn't bother me, doesn't make me smile when they flirt... Nothing!


The only thing I'm looking forward to now is going on holiday. Out of the country, away from everyone bar a few mates, sun, beer and women!

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Yeah that will help a lot specially if you have another few weeks of NC before you go. Yep, still do that if my phone rings or have a notification of FB I always assume it's her, that will fade mate I'm sure.


Regarding the dating, again agreed. I actually blew two girls out immediatley post breakup as it didn't feel right. I got together with one, and we slept together but I wasn't interested in dating her and she picked up on it, they are missing us mate it's just at the moment they are at a different stage. They are at a stage where they associate speaking to us with regressing, so they choose not to. Wait until we're both dating other women again though, then we'll see who's chasing who.


Just to give you an insight into the dumpers mindset I finished my ex about two years ago and was adamant I wasn't going back. If I recall my mindset for the first few weeks was I was half smug half pissed off when she used to beg me, but after about 3 weeks of not hearing from her I started getting really curious. When members of my family started to tell me they thought she'd started to move on (which she had) it drove me up the wall and I then became the one begging. This was 8 weeks approx after I ended it with her. I have heard it said on here that it takes them about 6-8 weeks to miss you once you start NC if they were the ones adamant they didn't want to get back.


In my case if I don't hear from her past then I know it's definatley, infintley over though I'll prob be way over it myself by then, am starting to not be bothered now though I wouldn;t want to find out she'd met someone else just yet.

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I finished my ex a couple of years ago too. Literally broke her heart, but i just wasn't feeling the relationship and felt it would be better to end it there and then, otherwise I'll only end up hurting her more.


I was bombarded with texts, calls etc and just had to ignore them and leave her for a few days. After a few weeks of not hearing anything I admit I was wondering how she was, if she was OK but I didn't contact her just because I didn't want to give her false hope of us getting back.

Now I'm getting the exact same treatment, the only difference is I at least spoke to the lass and explained I wanted to split up and gave reasons. Didn;t just stop friggin talking to her!


Anyway, she added me back to facebook about a year ago, I saw she had a new fella and had moved in with him. I was a little gutted inside, genuine reaction I guess, but at the same time I was really happy for her. We exchanged a few messages, asking how each other was, then after a while she sent me a message saying she still loved me and it still hurt so she was removing me from facebook.

Feelings, such strange things eh, even after quite a long time they still never fully heal.


Hope I'm not like that

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I broke the NC, I feel like a complete * * * * now.


But I feel it's made me stronger. I don't want her no more.


Infact, I hope her world comes crashing down so she realises what she's lost (Me and her Friend). Sounds harsh, but the way she's acting she deserves it.

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Was talking to our friend, I won't say her friend as I'm just as close as she is. She spoke to her, basicaly told her what she's doing is wrong, so my ex flipped once again "Butt out of my life" kinda thing.


So I just dropped her a message to say we was not getting involved, she asked if I'd spoke to you, and I said no, not heard anything at all, that was it!


She replied, saying she doesnt want people getting involved and that they are... SO I just replied telling her no ones getting involved, ur mates just worried about you as much as she is me, that's it!


Anyway, I've ended it now. Rather than me been left guessing, waiting for her to contact me to tell me what's happenind, I've basically just said look, you won't give me closure on the whole thing, so I will. Good bye and take care.

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Feel like I have lifted a lot of weight off my shoudlers today.


Before today I was always expecting that text, or phone call from her, apolagising for how she's been and things to go back to normal.


Right now, because I've basically told her to stop playing these childish games and basically told her it's over wether she wanted it or not, I'm not longer expecting to get a text from her, or hear from her.


Should have just done this from the start, but guess I was too busy having the wool pulled over my eyes and thinking she would come back!

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Been there mate. It get's easier every day. Say the ratio of you being "ok" with feeling "down about breaking up" is 10/90 when you first realise it's REALLY over, at day 19 of NC I am at like 90/10. May be an over simplistic view but it definatley gets easier.


Same as you I no longer expect to hear from her anymore. It's quite a release actually.

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Definatley mate. Now it's hit me it makes things so much easier.


I'd be lying if I said it didn't bother me one bit, and I was totally over her. I still have little thoughts about her, still remember some of the good times, but they don't get me down now, or make me feel ill etc. It's now just a thought, a memory that's it.

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Yeah and they get less intense every day. I did have a bit of a wobbly moment yesterdat when I saw some things she had bought for the flat in the kitchen but they came and went in literally 2 minutes. And dont forget I have no job no friends no car and no money lol, so if i can do it so can you!

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Oh man.


Starting to see all the lies now and it's all coming into place that this has been going on for a good few weeks, maybe even months.


She told me she wasn't working Saturday nights for a while, probably till July, this was when things were going well. Then suddenly she started saying she's working on Saturday now...


Anyway, turns out this other lad doesn't work weekends, so that's why the big U Torn on not working Saturday's, she will have re-connected with him.


The Saturday we was meant to be going out, I have been told this other lad was away (Must go on fishing trips or something as he's away for a few days now and then) and was not meant to be home until the Monday, but he came hom early, on the Saturday... This is where it all went downhill. I think she lied to me about her Nanan dying and only having hours to live.


All the "been visiting my nan" excuses will have been a lie, she will have been see'ing him, maybe visiting her Nan now and then.


All the working on Saturday nights and been too busy to even send me 1 text when she finished will have been a lie.


I'm not just angry and pissed off that although I have my suspicions I decided to trust and believe her. I hate her right now and do NOT want her back, not even as a friend as she is a lieing cow, but so annoyed with my self. Had to post this here to vent my frustration so I don't go and message her with some angry words.


Now, the thing I REALLY don't understand. If she's seeing this other guy, why carry on texting me, been all nicey, nicey with me, saying I love you, talking about moving closer to me (Not that she lives far, she's in Doncaster I'm in Sheffield... It's about 20-30min away!), talking about a future with me, saying she misses me etc etc.

We were never properly together so it's not like she HAD to send these type of messages, she could have just told me she didn't want us to go any further and leave it at that...

Scared of losing me, not sure what she wanted, didn't want to hurt me? These are all the things going round in my head now, none of it makes sense.

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Ah sorry dude, though tbh the words "dying nan" and a relationship break up always set alarm bells ringing for me, no matter who it's happnening to.


Going back to why she was texting you, a combination of liking you a bit and wanting to keep you in reserve, guilt and the fact that women do just seem to do this for reasons known only to themselves. Do yourslef a favour, don't overanalyse it just know that she chose to spend time with him over you.

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Ah sorry dude, though tbh the words "dying nan" and a relationship break up always set alarm bells ringing for me, no matter who it's happnening to.


Going back to why she was texting you, a combination of liking you a bit and wanting to keep you in reserve, guilt and the fact that women do just seem to do this for reasons known only to themselves. Do yourslef a favour, don't overanalyse it just know that she chose to spend time with him over you.


Don't read into anything, especially over over thinking the whats / whys of her actions. Take it from me who has been up will recently doing exactly that - all it does is mess with your own self being and make you feel worse. Ignorance is bliss.


My Ex does the same with texting, we were in contact solidly for 8 months (bar a stage of nc recently), and in my experience is not to do with liking you (as more than a friend), its the later - the wanting that safety net should things fail with being single. They do it because they still want the attention of someone they know wants them - so when their feeling low they can turn to the good ol' ex to give them love they crave. There is elements of guilt, they dont do it on purpose (and hell they think keeping in touch is a good for us...!) but they get more out of it than we do.

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Yeah I think you're right here.


It's all really odd and makes no sense.


When she got with him the first time it was because I was not giving her enough attention, therefore she assumed I just wanted to be friends so she moved on. When she found out exactly how much I liked her and wanted more, she stopped talking to the other fella and was focussing all her attention on me, even told her mate the other guy was just a "backup" in case things with me didn't work out.


Now, she's doing the same to me as she did him. It's like she just doesn't know what she's doing or wants and thinks it's best to stay in touch with both of us, in case, like you say, one of us just moves on she's then not left on her own? I guess this is the only reason she wouldn't end things with me because if he splits with her or goes cold on her she can't just fall back to me.


Doesn't matter now anyway, I'm out of it and wouldn't take her back. Might add her back to facebook in a few months, or when I'm back off my Holiday because I don't want to just blank her out of my life... As bad as it sounds we've always been good mates so it's a shame for us to go down that route once i've sorted my feelings out.

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