cestlavie1 Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 I'm a people-person. I love talking to people on the phone, texting, any form of human contact. However, I don't know if it's the same for my boyfriend in this case. He tells me that he doesn't like talking on the phone but only claims to call and text me because I like him. He can go on for days without talking and has told me, "Me not talking to you for 2-6 days isn't anything to freak out over." which seems a little ridiculous to me. I told him that I would like to hear from him at least once a day and that we don't have to talk every second of the day. He doesn't go to school at the moment, just working. So I know he has time somewhere to talk to me. The other day he called me on the phone after not talking for 5 days and I casually said "Well, I haven't heard you from in a while" to which he replied with,"Yeah, I know, I'm anti-social." yet he went to the bar and danced with a girl(s) a few days later. lol So tell me, do you think it's abnormal to not hear from your s/o for that long? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mouseno4 Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 Have you thought about the idea that you might be too 'clingy' for HIM? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AshleyLynne Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 6 days is a pretty long time. Maybe its just how he is. Im not sure about the whole dancing with girls thing, thats not really anti social behavior. If hes not what you want and isnt willing to change to fit your needs then leave. Find someone who is as eager for your attention as you are theirs. easier said than done, i know Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mouseno4 Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 Like i said, perhaps you are too clingy for HIM. As in he wants a girl who does not need daily pampering or phone gossip. Just a thought. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oneironaut Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 If you're not comfortable with the level of contact, and talking to him about the problem hasn't helped, it may be time to re-evaluate the relationship. There are plenty of guys out there who are happy to have more frequent contact than that...and the fact that he doesn't have time to talk to you but has time to dance with a girl is a bit of an indication that maybe, he's just not as into -you- as you are into -him-. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cestlavie1 Posted June 16, 2011 Author Share Posted June 16, 2011 mouseno4: I have. I've thought that maybe I might be too clingy because of my "daddy issues" or personality. But I don't think calling eachother just to ask how eachother's day went at night or everyother day is unreasonable. I'm in Houston visiting my mom at the moment while he's in Arizona. He called and texted me often as soon as I got here and then it just sort of died down. He gives me attention when we're together but I don't think it should just limit to only when we're together. AshleyLynne: Yeah, it's hard. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place right now. I'm trying to think of all the good things and let it go but I just end up thinking about all the tiny things, and in turn, it makes me unhappy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oneironaut Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 Like i said, perhaps you are too clingy for HIM. As in he wants a girl who does not need daily pampering or phone gossip. Just a thought. I don't think this is necessarily about daily "pampering", or "phone gossip". Some people are simply more chatty than others. My ex-husband is a VERY social person, but he never needed pampering or gossip, he just enjoys conversing with lots of people. You'd have to know the OP to know if she's a clingy, needy person. If she just needs more conversation than he's willing to give, they both need to find someone more compatible in that department. Doesn't mean either of them is right or wrong, simply different. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cestlavie1 Posted June 16, 2011 Author Share Posted June 16, 2011 I wish I could thumbs up your comment. But yeah, I agree. Maybe I might be clingy, maybe I might not. I think it's just a matter of differences. I understand some people just don't like talking/texting on the phone unless it's important. I don't know if it's just the distance that's making it harder on us or that I just want him to talk to me more. I'll admit that I love attention and love talking/being around people after being the only child and alone for a long time. I'm also just a very loving and caring individual. I don't know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ariel85 Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 Doesn't sound like you're on the same page. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cestlavie1 Posted June 16, 2011 Author Share Posted June 16, 2011 Oh, definitely not. However, I told him that he should call me more often because I miss hearing from him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mouseno4 Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 mouseno4: I have. I've thought that maybe I might be too clingy because of my "daddy issues" or personality. But I don't think calling eachother just to ask how eachother's day went at night or everyother day is unreasonable. I'm in Houston visiting my mom at the moment while he's in Arizona. He called and texted me often as soon as I got here and then it just sort of died down. He gives me attention when we're together but I don't think it should just limit to only when we're together. AshleyLynne: Yeah, it's hard. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place right now. I'm trying to think of all the good things and let it go but I just end up thinking about all the tiny things, and in turn, it makes me unhappy. I dont know where those locations are. And i mean no disrespect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cestlavie1 Posted June 16, 2011 Author Share Posted June 16, 2011 Houston is a city located in Texas and Arizona is a state. Both are located in the US. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BellaDonna Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 The other day he called me on the phone after not talking for 5 days and I casually said "Well, I haven't heard you from in a while" to which he replied with,"Yeah, I know, I'm anti-social." yet he went to the bar and danced with a girl(s) a few days later. lol Sounds shady if you ask me. How long have you been together and how does he act when you are together in person? How does he show you that he cares about you? What are his good qualities? He tells me that he doesn't like talking on the phone but only claims to call and text me because I like him. So he is doing you a favor? Is that how he perceives it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cestlavie1 Posted June 16, 2011 Author Share Posted June 16, 2011 Sounds shady if you ask me. How long have you been together and how does he act when you are together in person? How does he show you that he cares about you? What are his good qualities? So he is doing you a favor? Is that how he perceives it? Yeah, it sounds strange to me too. Maybe he's not good with words and meant that he's anti-social when it comes to talking on the phone. But you would think that people like talking to their boyfriend/girlfriends, especially when they're away from eachother. We've only been together for 3 months. When we're together in the car, he's really sweet - takes my hand and kisses it. When we're together, he's sweet and likes to joke around and be goofy. He tells me I'm beautiful, cooks me dinner, sent my mom a gift card for her birthday, took me to school in the morning often (I don't have a car, he would pick me up and take me to his place, then take me to school before 8am the next morning), took me to the airport that's 2 hours away, wants to be involved in my sorority events, things like that. He's dependable, funny, ambitious. Man, this is bad though. I can't think of anything else at the moment 'cause all I'm thinking about is the bad lol I have no idea how he perceives it. I would like to give him the benefit of the doubt and think that people do things to make their partner happy. I want him to talk to me because he wants to, not out of obligation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cestlavie1 Posted June 16, 2011 Author Share Posted June 16, 2011 Keep in mind he is my first in-state boyfriend.. I dated a guy before him that was long-distance. So I don't know whether I'm just being nitpicky and overlooking things or actually sane and rational for my thinking. He says that I have unrealistic expectations because he's my first boyfriend after our talk about "2-6 days isn't anything to freak out over" I think it's funny that he said I have unrealistic expectations when he's the one who sprung the "how do you feel if i asked you to move in with me" question after few weeks of dating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bunney Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 Have you tried instant messaging? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hexaemeron Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 I am exactly like your bf. As much as I might like you, your need for what I consider to be constant reaffirmation and communication would turn me off. You two aren't remotely on the same page and can't really compromise on something like this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prettymommy Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 I'm like the female version of your boyfriend; I hate to talk on the phone. Find it to be a total time-waster. Would rather talk face-to-face w/someone any day of the week. I save the phone for far distant family, and that is pretty much it. I told the guy I've been seeing the past couple months up front that I'm not a big phone talker, and he was accepting of it. So we text off and on over the course of the day, and send the occassional email. It gives us plenty to catch-up w/ in person when we see each once or twice a week; it's kind of like a fill-in-the-blanks of our texting conversations. I think you really need to decide if the relationship is going to fulfill your needs. If you need to be in a relationship where daily verbal communication is a requirement, then your current relationship may not be working for you. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tresqua Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 Oh, definitely not. However, I told him that he should call me more often because I miss hearing from him. There's nothing like making demands to put someone off from doing what you want even more than they already weren't doing it. Yeah I wrote that sort of weird but it makes sense. You're not going to change his habits, all you can do is accept them or find a guy who will contact you more. I could go a day or two without speaking to my girlfriend of 6 months, we see each other on weekends and maybe once or twice a week for a few hours in the evening and that works for both of us. I hate long phone calls, as in, greater than 20 minutes, and if all we did was text a few times per day in between the visits I'd be ok with that and I think she would be too. 6 days with no contact is rather extreme in my opinion, and you might want to think about what he's doing when he's not with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faithful14 Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 What about texting? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xiRoCb294 Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 Wow I think I would go crazy with 6 days of no contact I tend to want contact at LEAST once a day... so I think you two just need to find a compromise keeps the two of you happy. Have a talk with him about how you feel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 I don't think he's right for you. You're not in the wrong and nor is he. Some people just can go for days without talking to their SO. As long as their SO is fine with it and they are happy, that's fine for them. But that doesn't sound ideal for you. I don't see anything really wrong with his behaviour EXCEPT the fact that he won't talk to you but then will go out to the bar and dance with people. I'm sorry but that doesn't really match up. Doesn't sound "antisocial" to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 I agree with Fudgie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vivia12 Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 Like i said, perhaps you are too clingy for HIM. As in he wants a girl who does not need daily pampering or phone gossip. Just a thought. I have to dissagree,I understand maybe its unrealistic for them to talk every day,however if a guy really likes a girl he would love to talk to her often and wouldnt be going on a week without talking to her. The thing with him dancing with some othe girl especiallly if he isnt 'social' thats a red flag. Who knows,he may have asked that girl for her number. This guy doesnt sound as if he wants something serious,bc if he really was into a girl,she's be on his mind and he Would want to talk to her more than once a week. That kind of behaviour is for friends only. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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