Ex dumped rebound...need advice!

[Heartbroken30]

So just found out that my ex has dumped his 'rebound'. Through a mutual friend. As you recall they went away on vacation together for 7 days after dating for just 2 months. We have been in no contact for 3 months now. I was not going to reach out or contact him since I knew he was seeing someone. So now my question is, should I reach out to him now? Given he is once again single and he might be hesitant in contacting me since we haven't talked in a few months.

 

Reach out with a friendly "how have you been?" message? Keep it friendly? How should I go about this!

[Lavender25]

Did he just break up with her like today? Yesterday?

 

I'm pretty sure if you do anything now it will be totally obvious that you've heard what has happened and you are swooping in. That will give the impression that you've been sitting and waiting for this to happen. I say, if you do anything, give it more time.

[Heartbroken30]

Yes he broke up with her like a week ago now. And this mutual friend has not told him that we talk. So he doesn't know that I knew he was seeing someone or that they broke up. He knows nothing. I was going to wait until next week to contact him if he hasn't reached out. The thing is he is very stubborn so this might make him not reach out to me regardless of circumstance. I know for sure even if he had a thought of getting back together he would NEVER come right out and say it and ask for another chance. This is not his character at all.

[Brownstone322]

Be cool for a while, for lots of reasons ...

 

1. Now, more than ever, you want to look composed and nonchalant.

 

2. They may patch things up tomorrow.

 

3. More time will give you more information and perspective.

[dramallama]

So just found out that my ex has dumped his 'rebound'. Through a mutual friend. As you recall they went away on vacation together for 7 days after dating for just 2 months. We have been in no contact for 3 months now. I was not going to reach out or contact him since I knew he was seeing someone. So now my question is, should I reach out to him now? Given he is once again single and he might be hesitant in contacting me since we haven't talked in a few months.

 

Reach out with a friendly "how have you been?" message? Keep it friendly? How should I go about this!

Um, what makes you think just because he has dumped his rebound, that he wants to be with you? How do you know that he doesn't just want to be single. Really. Just because he is single now, it doesn't take away from the face the he dumped you. Unless HE is approaching YOU to patch things up, then assume that he wants to be single. Taking the time to contact him as soon as he is single is just desperate.

[Ivory_Tower]

What happened when you and him split?

[Oneironaut]

Personally, I'd wait and see if he contacts you. You say he may be hesitant, but, even stubborn guys will go after what they want.

 

When my boyfriend and I were apart during a 6.5 month BU that he initiated, I finally went NC and I honestly thought I'd never hear from him again because even if he WANTED to talk to me, his pride would get in the way. But during our period of NC, he decided he wanted to try again, so he swallowed his pride and overcame his stubbornness and contacted me. After three days of chatting and flirting, he asked me to start fresh.

 

I dunno, I guess I don't think too highly of people who want something but don't even try for it. It seems to me like if he TRULY wants to contact you, he WILL, period. But, that's just me. *Shrug*

[Heartbroken30]

Our split had a lot to do with our circumstances. We were together for 1 1/2 years. We went from seeing each other twice a week and him spending every single weekend over at my apartment. To me moving back home with parents (he also lives with his mom) and only seeing each other maybe once or twice a week and almost no chance to be intimate except in the car lol. He said he thinks we lost the spark and the connection. But we always had an amazing connection up until these circumstances. He got frustrated. And a part of me was jealous of him being good friends with a couple of his ex's and gave him a hard time. I have learned from my mistakes and it was all in my head. We have been broken up for 5 months now. We had no contact for a month then we returned stuff to each other and NC for 3 months now.

 

I really do want to wait until he contacts me but I just know him so well and afraid he won't because he is scared and might even think I have moved on.

[dramallama]

I really do want to wait until he contacts me but I just know him so well and afraid he won't because he is scared and might even think I have moved on.

If he's too "scared" to contact you then it's better that he doesn't bother you at all. The only way he'd ever know if you've moved on and whether you want to reconcile if he picks up the phone and ASKS YOU. Not just assuming "oh, well, she was the love of my life and I dumped her, but I haven't heard from her so I'll just cry in a corner over here now." No. If someone dumps you, and then can't even contact you to explain that they want to make things right again in an adult way because they have such a big ego or whatever, then you're better off without them. Because if THEY truly think that you are the love of their life, nothing will get in the way of letting you know about it.

[Oneironaut]

Well, I've been around these boards long enough now to know that if you really want to contact him, nothing we say will change that.

 

I would only caution you to be prepared for the possibility that you won't hear from him at all, and please consider that if that turns out to be the case, a lot of the healing you've done in 5 months will be set back. If you don't believe me, search these forums for posts by Dumpees who broke NC for one reason or another, and not getting ANY response made them regret it sorely, because then they felt like a sap for even trying.

 

Good luck with whatever you decide.