scarletblue Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 I've been with my current boyfriend for almost four years, and at first it was great. We rarely agrued and we had lots of things in common so we loved spending time together. Then about a year a half into our relationship he lost his job. He was depressed and I tried my best to assure him that we would be okay and he'd find something else. About the same time I started noticing that he would get very angry over small things, i chalked it up to stress and tried to ignore it, perhaps that was my first mistake. He eventually got another job, a retail job which is not in his field but a job nevertheless. Things got better for a while, since he wasn't at home all the time I was able to have so time to myself - which i enjoy. But eventually he became unhappy with work and life - which meant suddenly everything was my fault and nothing i do ever seems good enough, fast enough, or perfect enough. He is always calling me names, making me feel stupid and small. When i get upset, he mocks me and tells me to grow up. When I try to stand up for myself he turns it around so I seem like the bad person- always "mad" at him. He makes me feel guilty when i go out with my friends, accusing me of cheating on him because once a month a go to a volunteer meeting for three hours. He gets mad because when I defend one of my dearest friends (she's bi and vegan, he thinks both life choices are stupid). He thinks that I should defend his point of view- I honesetly can not do that. I spend my days fightened that i might do something wrong to upset him, so I try to make everything perfect. he doesn't hit me but his words cut. I love him but this hurts so much. We live together, everything is in his name, i cant afford to leave. I don't know to fix this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
please.delete.thi Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 Hi there. Just a suggestion: how's your relationship like your parent's (or the people who played these roles in your life) relationship? Do you find similarities between your behavior and your mother's? Sorry if these issues are difficult to consider, but you'll eventually have to face them if you wish to improve... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scarletblue Posted June 15, 2011 Author Share Posted June 15, 2011 I don't see how my relationship with my mother has anything to do with how my boyfriend treats me. My parents are I get along fairly well, they were always demanding of me but never mean about it. My parents have an avergage marriage, they have had their share of problems but who hasn't. I'm a bit confused, are you saying its my fault he treats me this way? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
please.delete.thi Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 Please read my post again. I'm not talking about your relationship with your mother. I'm talking about how your behavior is like your mother's. How was (or is) your mother treated by your father? Is that similar to how you are treated? Give this some thoughts and I guarantee you will find similarities. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scarletblue Posted June 15, 2011 Author Share Posted June 15, 2011 Yes, there are similarities between my mother and I- she raised me. However those similarities have nothing to do with my issues right now between my boyfriend and I. Like I said, my parents have an average marriage... it isn't perfect but they treat each other like equals. My father is a very soft spoken man who rarely gets angry. I need advice on how to deal with someone who is verbally abusive Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
please.delete.thi Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 Okay. Hope you find the advice you're looking for. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
livelife987 Posted June 18, 2011 Share Posted June 18, 2011 Hey. So this may be a little bit different but my dad was verbally abusive to me, my mom, and my sister for years. But we all loved him. I was very young at the time but I learned this the same time as my mom did. That you have to do what's best for you in the long run. Not every time, but sometimes verbal abuse can get worse and turn into physical abuse. That is what happened with my dad. Even if it is hard or seemingly impossible to get out, you might want to try to find a way. It is not healthy for you to let yourself be trapped. You are strong enough to find a way on your own. I promise you that. You have to let yourself be strong enough. And don't be afraid to lean on your family and friends for help. Lean on them until you can afford to leave If all this seems to extreme try to convince him to go to counseling with you. Family counseling got my family through several years and those years were pretty good considering. I hope this helps you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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