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Hi all. Thought this would be easier than clogging up the other threads all the time!


Am on day 14 of NC. We technincally ended almost two months ago however. I have not seen my ex in the flesh for 4 weeks and have not spoken to her for over 2 weeks. For the first 3 weeks things we basically normal albeit she wasn't living here however aroud this point she started getting more distant and I heavily suspect dating someone else. This is the first time in our entire relationship we have been out of contact this long, and she has displayed such indifference to me.


Tiny bit of a background. We were together 3.5 years and had several break ups and get back together's. We did love each other however and this time last year we both moved in to my flat. She flitted between here and her parents. (I'm 28, she 21).


Points of note re reasons for permanent break up this time.


1.) Our sex life became non-existant towards the end and she was also unresponsive to means and methods of reviving it.

2.) She hinted heavily at wanting children/moving to a bigger house.

3.) We both wanted to "have relations" with other people.

4.) Due to the points 1 and 3 she found a text on my phone where I told a friend of mine I had been chatted up in a bar one Saturday night. I wasn't unfaithful but I did make a fairly crude comment. Oh well that's what happens when you are in a sex starved relationship.

5.) I am in a bad position employment wise.


I would like to say at this point obviously I am not truly "over her" but I do feel much more emancipated at day 14 than I did a week ago. She left me with a dog whom I adore but who makes my life quite difficult.


Things I have learnt so far on my little imposed journey of self discovery lol.

  • No contact definatley helps healing
  • If they want to contact you, they will. Sounds obvious but don't fool yourself that they want to get in touch but can't.
  • Being clingy and needy definatley pushes them away. This can be in terms of asking them to go back out with you or via means of material objects. In my case it was the dog, it still drove her away.
  • I do honestly believe we could have still been together If I had gone straight NC, but am getting to the stage where I am glad I didnt.



So here's to all of us getting better and moving on to bigger and better things, the most important maxim I have used to deal with this is to judge a person not by their words but by their actions. The fact remains that my ex knows where I live and hasn't been here.....tells me all I need to know about how she values me.

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Hey hausser


Firstly sorry to hear of your breakup. 3.5 years is a long time. It sounds like you are coping well thus far. Actions certainly do speaker louder than words. We don't realise this within the relationship with our goggles on, but we can certainly learn from it after the fact. Talking is easy, it's backing up what's said with actions that counts.

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As I stated to mtom, by far and away the biggest threat to my healing is to find out for sure what I already suspect and that is my ex is dating someone.


This is actually not true. You seem to think its the biggest threat because it will hurt. And yes it will hurt like hell. But lets say you found this out. It would hurt and hurt bad, and yes it would hurt for a while. But it would kill any notion of wanting to go back and actually push you forward in your healing.


But yes, finding that out does suck, trust me I know. But the fact that she was with someone made it easier for me to go forward since I knew there was no going back.

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Took the dog for a walk today, opposite the usual route. Sadly it was a way I walked before when we had a heavy snowfall last Winter. So heavy the roads got closed and I trduged up in thigh high snow around 4 miles to see her, lol. How times change. It did give me a a pang, but more of a nostalgic feeling than a deep missing feeling if that makes sense.

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Technically day 15 of NC. Early morning here. Going to have something to eat and apply for jobs, have been putting it off long enough. Found a memento around the apartment that brought back some sad memories, deepest ones I've had in a while. It is like a light plug in thing she made a big fuss about when we moved in.


Thank god for the internet and this laptop, don't know what I'd do without it.


Missing her a bit tonight, nothing that would get me to break NC but I have missed her.


You know, not that I am expecting recon, but I genuinley do not think she will be in touch again, ever. Just a feeling I have based on my experience of her.

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Day 15. Feelings fading even more. Still miss her a bit, especially in the night, more wondering why she hasn't been in touch though have got past the stage of checking my phone at regular intervals lol!


Still expect a call or text that arrives unexpectedly to be her, though that is slowly fading too, it's like an automatic reaction I can't stop. Can't believe I haven't seen her in a month, seriously guys this is not from a "missing her" POV, it's starting to really sink in with me now how "out" of this relationship she must have been!


Would take something cataclysmic to make me contact her. Not going to happen.


Still undecided on where my future lies. Staying here, in a place that has got me nowhere but I feel comfortable, or moving away and taking a chance.


BTW does anyone have any good dating site recommendations? I'm starting to feel ready to dip my toes so to speak. I don't mind paying a small amount but I don't want to have next to no chance like on plenty of fish or zoosk.



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If I had to offer advice about your future, I would say get out of the comfort zone, take a chance. I am still working up the courage to do that myself.


A lot of people I know, myself included have used okcupid, but i dont know if its available in the UK. Its probably a crapshoot like the rest though, but I used it successfully enough.

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