Lost my chance?

[laubry]

Hey everyone,

 

I know i'm a new member and know none of you, but i really feel like i need some second opinions on what to do with my ex. He broke up with me about a month and a half ago, saying when he broke up with me that he had always loved me and that he just had family issues (which is true) and couldn't handle the pressure of our relation ship being a bit rocky the past month, along with exams coming up. He told me that i was still his best friend, and that he believed in second chances, and that if he loved me, he'd come back to me. This break-up was in no way premeditated... it just sort of happened. I was devastated for the longest time, i still am, and i'm still deeply in love with him, we had a very strong relationship and were planning on going long distance when i had to go to college for a year (he's a year younger) but then going to the same uni. He asked for space, but that didn't work out, mostly my fault, but it's hard when we had things like prom so we saw eachother often. after a while we kind of forgot that we promised space adn started talking like before, which i now know to be a huge mistake. about a week ago we decided to talk, and he told me that he didn't love me anymore, but that i was still an important part of his life and that no matter what i was never going to lose him. The thing is he's still unsure about his feelings, and keeps telling me that if he loves me he'll tell me, i'm willing to wait. but i think i might have pushed him too far with questions because i didn't get closure. i've been thinking and i know i really should be giving him space.

 

he's going to california for 3 weeks on a basketball thing, and for the same time i'll be in wisconsin, so that's no contact time... i'm just worried that rather than being the key to getting back together, it will pull us farther apart... i mean, what if he meets someone hotter. he doesn't believe in hookups, but these things tear me up inside. He still acts to nice though, he bought me a graduation gift, and even sent me a

 

all i want is to get back together, and if not that then at least be best friends, because what kills me most is losing my best friend... what do i do when we meet again in july, we'll have a full month before i'm leaving for college, so that should help? i don't know, i'm just worried that i'm only just getting his need for space a little too late

 

sorry for the saga... i'm just so confused

[elcie]

Your ex is giving you mixed messages. He's breaking up with you, but then saying that he believes in second chances and that you're never going to lose him.

 

This is not fair to you. In fact, I would say that he is keeping you 'hanging on' just in case he decides to go back to you, which is a selfish thing to do.

 

It also gives him all the power in the situation.

 

There is no doubt to me that if you decided to take back your power and decide to not contact him for a while, he would make an effort to get you back on his terms again.

 

The thing is, is it a good idea to try to get him back at this time. You are going through big changes in your life that would put pressure on even the most stable relationship.

 

By all means give your ex the 'space' he says he needs; not for his sake but for your OWN! I really think you need this time apart from him so that you can focus on your own life and your own needs.

 

By focusing so much on what he is feeling and worrying about what he is going to do, you are damaging your own self esteem.

[Eocsor]

You're awfully young to be planning to spend the rest of your life with someone. Plus in my experience long distance during university will kill almost any relationship. Young love usually ends at some point. Keep your head and keep it casual. You're going away for a year and you need to focus on school now and not him. If you want to still try and be his friend give it a shot. But that usually only lasts until someone moves on to another relationship.

[laubry]

elcie.. thanks for the post i do agree it is quite selfish of him to be doing this, and he even admits it himself... which is why he;s trying to get me to forget about him, but we both know it not working in either direction. neither of us are over eachother, he told his friend today that now he's not even sure if he ever stopped loving me. either way you're right about the break, we both need it just to clear our heads

 

and eocsor, i know a lot of people do think that about being too young and all.. but we are both very i guess different. like planning and all that is just like something we do, and it sounds a bit OCD but yeah. and i also do know that what we had is special, just because knowing the person i am, a year ago i never let anyone hold me, much less kiss me unless i was quite drunk and wasted. we both helped eachother, and something like that is something that has the potential to last. i'm not expecting it to be like magical fairytale stuff, but i think that the worst thing is giving up on something that you care so much about. i regret so many things in my life because i never was bothered to fix my mistakes, this is one thing that i want to try as hard as i can to fix.. because if i don't i'll be regretting it the rest of my life.