How to rekindle attraction... after it may (or may not) have gone out

[thinkpositive]

How do you revamp the attraction after only a few weeks of dating then they become a little disinterested? Maybe there was a hiccup and things turned weird, or they just stopped calling...Even though there was a good connection and at the start it was calling/texting/flirting multiple times a day and now it's been days since they called?

 

And for the guys, if you slept with a girl and it was *probably* too soon in the relationship to do so, would you still be interested in her, and how long would you give it before you called her?

[thinkpositive]

I'm gonna start here (even though I really need some GUY advice). Guys I lost interest in/weren't really interested in always seemed more attractive and desirable when they are no longer available. Period. That said, i have never really pined for them after that because I never really wanted them that much in the first place. But I guess this may be different with someone you genuinelly had feelings with... although when I like someone I'm kind of all or nothing, I don't usually get turned off them rather want to keep growing and building something with them.

 

Guy's opinions?

[delicous]

Id say if they havn't contacted you they aren't interested, bottom line. But then theres some guys/girls who are just busy and don't believe in seeing/hearing from there partner every single day. Some men will call right away like the next day or maybe even the same night, others may wait at least 3 days...

[thinkpositive]

This one was contacting all the time... like seriously wanted to date me pursued me for ages. Then gave me the cold shoulder. What the?

[jumper11]

Yeah, everyone is different so..

 

But, when something happens and because of it they back off, I let them and then I make up for it lol. A few weeks ago, I got sick everywhere in front of my VERY new boyfriend.. he had to help.. it was awful. I let him have his peace because we didn't contact as much after that.. then the next time I just joked and acted normal, then things were fine. You just let it go, or try to, I guess. My experience was embarrassing, lol.

[jumper11]

And lots of guys do what you described. I don't know if I am going through it now or not, so I am confused too. I don't know about the sex thing. I slept with this one earlier than I thought I would, and so far that hasn't been a factor that I know of, yet.

[Maverick1984]

The problem you have is very common and something i've been able to break down due to observation of my own actions and understanding how it all works.

 

Basically, the observation you made about calling and the girl losing interest over time is spot on. However, in order to take control and make changes to your behaviour, you have to understand why this happens so that you can take that knowledge and apply it in situations that need it.

 

You are becoming too available for her which is making things too easy. Human behaviour works in a way where we only value things that we have to work hard for.

 

Lets take money as an example -

Have you ever wondered why you saved and made good use of the money you earned and not so much the money you were given?

 

It's because the time and effort we put into our jobs in order to earn that money makes it more valuable... It's not the money we value, but our own time and effort

 

The same is true with you and your personal qualities. You may have loads of intrinsic value and be date worthy, but in order for others to know, you have to demonstrate it. If you make yourself an asset that requires work for people to obtain, then you will become that much more attractive to people. Similarly in your relationship with this girl, if you make a point that your life and ambitions are more important than her, than this will ignite a spark in her which will cause her to now do some work in order to try and capture and keep you.

 

Always be within reach but not easily captured. As soon as that happens, then you can be sure that they will run off and find someone else who is more challenging.

 

I know it's seems like manipulative behaviour, but i believe that in order to have control of this area of your life, you have to understand why and how it works. Some people have this down naturally, but the people who have are few and far between.

 

It's something which i wished i knew back at school when all the girls who would advise me (which was mostly rubbish advice) ended up going with the types of guys who were the complete opposite to what they advised. It's the main reason why Bad Boys get to date most of the girls because they're challenging and aren't afraid to cause tension.

[thinkpositive]

OK thanks... except I'm the girl this is the guy losing interest who was pursuing me. At some point in the dating game you're gonna have to show that you're interested. Except I did show, let my guard down a little, then he backed off. It wasn't even anything I just said to him I was 'new' to the dating game. When he was pursuing me he was also very much speaking boyfriend/girlfriend terms, kissed me on the lips in front of my friends, met my family. Just very strange that now he has suddenly become cold and disinterested. He is a good looking guy, he could get a lot of girls for sex. So why all the effort to pursue me? And now that I am interested in him, how do I get him back??

 

I understand the 'hard to obtain' thing, but it's been 2 days since we last spoke it's borderline rude now that he hasn't contacted me, especially because I initiated the last 2 contacts. He doesn't know I am confused, I think I have a pretty relaxed approach towards him. Haven't done and 'can we talks' or anything yet...

[Maverick1984]

Attraction is universal to both guys and girls

 

Attraction = Investment

 

So the more you get a person to invest in you, the more attracted they will be towards you.

 

Here's a tactic you can try based on the above principle - Stop phoning/texting him, and start hanging out with friends and seeing other guys.

 

When he gets back in contact with you (and he will), don't jump in straight away to meet up. Have things going on that are more important.

 

When you date (assuming you date him) Be physical but don't allow him to kiss/sleep with you - Make him work his ass off for it.

 

These are things girls do naturally anyway, but just describing how attraction gets created in order to make things easier to understand.

 

Most of my knowledge has ironically come from girls

 

P.S The reason you're feeling this way right now is because he's done all the right things by not calling you in 2 days - It's got you to 'emotionally' think about him (investment) which is getting you even more attracted to him.

[delicous]

There is so many reasons someone may back off...Read my last post...Try to take the advise, its been working for me...

Im not saying it was easy but I am getting through it and its easier and easier...He will contact u if hes interested...

I know when I don't it usually means theres more than one person im interested in and that person im not contacting is most likely the one im the least interested in..

 

I agree with the above poster to a certain extent. I just believe if u want to kiss than kiss. Just don't have sex with them too soon. It screws things up royally!...Don't let your hormones win, fight back!!!

 

He sounds like something important may have come up or someone. Im just trying to be straight up honest with my advise. If you already tried contacting him, he will eventually see that u called and return ur call, most likely when hes horny. I believe when a man is horny he is the weakest and he will talk about his emotions and feelings and what not. Sit him down and let him know u want more than just buddy buddy...See what he says..let me know=)

[Maverick1984]

There is so many reasons someone may back off...Read my last post...Try to take the advise, its been working for me...

Im not saying it was easy but I am getting through it and its easier and easier...He will contact u if hes interested...

I know when I don't it usually means theres more than one person im interested in and that person im not contacting is most likely the one im the least interested in..

 

And i would probably assume that the person you're least interested in and not contacting is the person that you know will want to date you

[thinkpositive]

Thanks this is such good advice! Its nice to know it's a universal thing the law of attraction haha

 

Its sometimes easy to think the other person isn't 'playing the game' but they could be too... I just hope he does contact me so I have the power again

 

But feel free to post more about attraction principles! I think its good for anyone to read who is having a slight freak out like me

[Maverick1984]

No problem thinkpositive

 

Just to add as a personal note. Because i know how this stuff works, it gives me tremendous power because i can see it coming and can no longer fall for it.

I mainly use it to guage whether the person's investment towards me is genuine or not.

 

I know it isn't genuine the minute i have to consciously use it in order to 'get them attracted to me'. if i have to make someone attracted to me, then i know it isn't genuine.

So i don't use it anymore and instead, look for girls who are willing to invest in me genuinely without my assistance.

 

For this to happen, i have to focus on myself by improving my attractive qualities (My grooming, ambition, social circle, leadership, personal skills etc)

I've found that the more i've improved myself in those areas, the more i've not needed to consciously do anything, and people would make an effort by their own free will. That to me is the best indicator that they like me and are willing to get to know me.

 

So as a rule, if someone doesn't show some interest from the start, then i'm not interested.

 

If someone values you enough, they will make an effort. Have a think about it and bare that in mind

[delicous]

Maverick--- And i would probably assume that the person you're least interested in and not contacting is the person that you know will want to date you

 

Yes, exactly..

[Maverick1984]

Yes, exactly..

 

Funny how it works

[Stand Strong]

The best thing to do is ration yourself out. Too much too soon makes people get bored because you already gave them everything. To re-kindle, don't contact for awhile, if you do have contact make sure YOU end it and make sure it's short (don't be aso availiabe) don't answer calls much, etc. Basically, the chase has to be re-initiated. You can even mention times you hang out with your guy friends. Of course subtely so it doesn't seem like your trying to make him jealous. Bring it up, then change the subject without lingering on it

 

If I slept with a girl too soon, I'd still be interested. I'm not a guy who is all about sex so I guess that makes my opinion different. Others guys who are about sex over love and feelings would just lose a bit of interest because they don't have to wonder what it would be like to have sex with you. Give them time to invest at least so you won't feel used