Honing my at-work personality into my social life?

[Captain Clutch]

Before I dive into the meat of the post, here is some background on the setting of where I am: I currently work a job at a large company - with a lot of people around my age - located in the boonies. Observing fellow co-workers (and experiencing some of this myself), I have come to learn/realize that the people I will meet and eventually get to know are all from work. I am still one of the newer people at the company, but I am not "new."

 

Now, the situation. There are attractive girls I see and know at work, but a lot of them have bf's or there are other disqualifying factors that would prohibit anything. Anyways, there is a new temp that recently started. I smoothly made my intro, engaged into some playful conversation (she touched my wrist), we exchanged numbers, and she wanted to join me and a couple friends at a bar this past weekend. Unfortunately, a killer monsoon-type thunderstorm ensued when she got off work and she couldn't go (considering I was hydroplaning down a highway and could barely see the road soon after - and I'm not brand new to the area, this is not flaking).

 

The enemy soon became time. Because she is attractive, she obviously began getting attention from other people - guys in my position who have been there longer than me. One guy just kind of follows/hangs around her all the time, which doesn't help me (just because it's annoying). Another couple of guys are good friends and the combined bulk of them have created hang out opportunities with groups of girls before. So, the question becomes, how do I stand out?

 

My thread title suggests the meshing of two personas, or using my interpersonal strengths towards women. The reason for this is because, at this large company, my natural personality - and strong work ethic/performance - allows me to stand out among hundreds of others. However, some of the following traits do not necessarily help with girls or this situation

-I am extremely gregarious. I talk a lot and am always optimistic/upbeat (but not overly so). Think Apollo Creed if you've seen any Rocky films. One girl I am friends with jokes that I am "the Mayor" because I know a lot of people (acquaintance level) and I have only been here a few months. Superiors and some of the bigger names at the company know me as well as a result of my outgoing personality. In my opinion, the possible downfalls here are that people will think I'm putting up an act when I am not or that people will think I am over-the-top.

-The chip on my shoulder as motivation (a lot of doubters in my past). This works brilliantly with the actual job. My bosses say I am very advanced for someone a few months in - and they want me to display an aura of extreme confidence for that reason! The problem with girls is this is going to come off as arrogant. I believe I can do anything after running through it once. While my performance has shown the trend to be true, it's not going to come off as humble. In reality, I don't brag or shove my successes down others' throats, but you get the point.

-Finally, when I sense competition during work, I go into beast mode. My friend/co-worker said to me, "I'd never want to face you in a do-or-die situation." I will do whatever it takes to win, since I am naturally very competitive. Unfortunately, this, again, going over-the-top tactic does not work socially. I feel I'd come off as needy or trying to do too much.

 

So, the question is, how do I use my brand/personality to my advantage in this circumstance(s)? I feel how I present myself works well with getting to know people (acquaintances, etc.), but it's been much more inconsistent with girls I am interested in - even though I don't do anything differently. Despite the outgoingness and trying to keep things calm/fun for the people I work with, I still feel I show respect to anyone I work/associate with (very strong believer in the golden rule), am responsible, and present myself well. A girl (I think) complimented me today that I don't act like a normal 23 year old, for what that's worth.

 

And yes, I am aware of any ramifications and am ok about it - I trust myself and my decisions. Overall, I feel confident about what I can do.

[Captain Clutch]

Any responses would be much appreciated. It seems there are several new people starting up where I work, so my goal would be to make the best of those opportunities too.

[Captain Clutch]

Any advice? I was hoping to get some insight here because this could possibly unlock the key I need at the moment. I feel that I have the tools to succeed here with girls, but honing them will do the trick. Thoughts?

[agatha]

I see way too much of me in what you described (except that I'm more reserved), and all I can think of is - you may want to think twice about the whole concept of sharpening your skills to achieve optimum social interaction. the whole 'world as an enemy you must win or conquer' approach can only help you so far. human connection is not about who wins or who loses, it's about sharing.

 

summing up: soften up, chill down and relax a little, dude. you still have 77 years to go.

[Captain Clutch]

I see way too much of me in what you described (except that I'm more reserved), and all I can think of is - you may want to think twice about the whole concept of sharpening your skills to achieve optimum social interaction. the whole 'world as an enemy you must win or conquer' approach can only help you so far. human connection is not about who wins or who loses, it's about sharing.

 

summing up: soften up, chill down and relax a little, dude. you still have 77 years to go.

 

I appreciate the advice. While the chip on my shoulder is a great motivating factor for my work performance, I don't try to conquer friends or girls.

 

I have to believe part of my post was misread. At no point did I say human interaction was about who wins and who loses (getting a girl is different, but I think you see the point).

[iBroken]

To be honest, I couldnt follow your post - its too long and wordy - likely why there are not too many replies

 

Whats the question - how do you use your skills to get the girl? Or be friends with the guys who are trying to get the girl? I got confused

[Captain Clutch]

How do I use social skills I have at work to help me socially with girls? What traits benefit me during my job don't always benefit me socially.

[agatha]

How do I use social skills I have at work to help me socially with girls? What traits benefit me during my job don't always benefit me socially.

 

that was pretty much my point, and I believe I did not misread you. my criticism was particularly directed at the term 'honing', which calls to me the image of a butcher with a knife (your first period helped a lot with building it), and that image + the examples you gave of your behavior led me to write what I did.

 

 

I maintain my former position, btw. and add up that your tools are probably perfect, you just don't know how to use them. a sharp knife can do different things in the hands of a baby, a ninja or a cook.

[Captain Clutch]

that was pretty much my point, and I believe I did not misread you. my criticism was particularly directed at the term 'honing', which calls to me the image of a butcher with a knife (your first period helped a lot with building it), and that image + the examples you gave of your behavior led me to write what I did.

 

 

I maintain my former position, btw. and add up that your tools are probably perfect, you just don't know how to use them. a sharp knife can do different things in the hands of a baby, a ninja or a cook.

 

Fair enough. In this case, honing = refining, not a butcher with a knife Therefore, it would be, "How do I best utilize my work strengths into my social life with girls?"