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Not sure If It's time to end it... advice greatly appreciated.


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Hey guys! I just joined this community because I'm having issues with my boyfriend and we have all mutual friends, so in a way to not bring my friends into the middle of it all, I would like to ask you guys for some advice.

I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year and a half now and up until about 6 months ago things were great. But lately I've been having a hard time with my boyfriend calling me names and talking down to me. He has become very easy to flip on me when I do something wrong, almost to the point where I'm afraid to screw anything up in fear of being called a 'dumba**' or 'stupid' (curse words are usually included in the name-calling).

I know he has a quick temper, and I fear that the longer we are dating, the more comfortable he is around me, and therefore the more likely he is to lash out at me. He also has a very hard time saying sorry when he does call me names and upset me. He gets very angry when I become upset (usually I cry, but noone likes to be called names, right?) and he has a very hard time dealing with me crying and it makes him even more angry. I hate it when he talks to me like that, and he's on other ocassions called me 'lazy' and 'stupid' -- both things which I know I am not. He's even come to the point of saying these things in front of our friends and even in front of his mother (who called him out for it).

I have self respect and I know that this is not the way I need to be treated. I know that him talking to me like this is only ruining my self esteem when before him I was a condfident woman with high self esteem ( he says thats what attracted him to me in the first place). It's gotten to the point where I feel that everything I do is wrong in his eyes, and I'm very frustrated with being treated this way. I love him very much, and when he's not saying things like this to me, we have a great relationship. I know he has a lot of personal demons that he has been dealing with since his childhood, but I still don't think I should let him treat me this way. I have approached him about it several times, and he usually gets awkward and doesn't want to discuss it. I want to make him open his eyes and realize that he can't treat me like this (because I think he believes I will never leave), but I'm so afraid that if I do something drastic, he wont have his epiphany and realize that he screwed up-- I think he'll just become angry with me and not come back.

Thanks for listening, and any advice is appreciated.



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"...but I'm so afraid that if I do something drastic, he wont have his epiphany and realize that he screwed up-- I think he'll just become angry with me and not come back."


Then good riddance to bad rubbish. It's always easier said than done. But THAT is emotional and mental abuse and I don't think he is inclined to change. He obviously has anger issues. What is even more disturbing is when you pour your heart out to him, this only incites him to more anger! That is unnatural and wrong. How would he like it if you called him on every single thing he did? If you degraded him publicly and privately?


If people are not an overall constructive addition to your life, get rid of them. It is true everyone is imperfect and we all slip sometimes: say things we don’t mean, etc. But you said it’s increasing to the point you feel you do nothing right and are walking around egg shells. There’s NO EXCUSE for it. To hell with that and to hell with him.

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I think you need to walk away now before it gets worse, it could get physical one day and you need out before that ever happens. If you have self respect then prove it to yourself. If you have already tried talking to him about it and he doesn't listen their know point in trying. Just cause he has demons inside does not excuse him to treat you or anyone in that matter. You shouldn't even have to think of staying with someone like this, you deserve way more than this. I wouldn't even bother giving him closure after what he has done. Next time he says crap to you, pick your stuff up and look him in the eye and say goodbye and never look back and don't fall for his words that he will change, people like that take a long time to change with anger management and counseling. Hope you use you brain on this one and walk away

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