I want him to be passionate sometimes but he won't/can't

[yellowjello]

my bf is sweet and passionate while we are cuddling before hooking up, and after hooking up, but while hooking up he likes to be dirty. I like being dirty too but there are times when I am in a romantic and emotional mood and would prefer to hook up in a passionate way. I told him this. I said sometimes we have to hook up passionately rather than dirty. He said fine. But whenever I asked him to do it passionately he would always be resistant and would try to convince me to be dirty because he 'really feels like being dirty' that day. After a few times of this happening, I told him to stop making a fuss every time. He said okay.

 

Then yesterday we were at the beach. I told him today let's hook up the passionate way. He said okay. (for the first time he said okay with no resistance) I was happy. While we were making out and foreplaying he abstained from being dirty and things were fine. However later he started talking dirty. I told him to stop. Then he started asking me what kind of dirty things I think about. I told him to stop talking about dirty things. He said 'okay at least just tell me one, just one'. I said okay then after that you have to stop with the dirty talk. he said 'yeah after that we'll actually do the dirty stuff instead'. I was like what the hell. I said I already told him I don't want to be dirty today. He said 'but I want to'. We continued hooking up and he made another dirty comment, I gave him a look and he said ok sorry and stopped. I said it is ruining my mood when he talks about dirty stuff. He said 'it's not ruining my mood'. And when I tried talking about it or getting mad about it he would just shush me up by kissing me and trying to make me stop talking. He also said he is sorry but he can't help it. He said he can't help his thoughts he just automatically thinks about dirty stuff. I said well you can't control your thoughts but you can control whether or not you voice them. He said he can't. I said I don't like how he keeps being dirty even though I say not to. He shushed me up by saying "ok I won't" and started kissing me again. I moved away and said I'm serious. He said OK I said I won't. I moved away and said are you sure. He got annoyed and said he hates how I keep talking about it. he said I'm always talking about it and he wants me to just drop it. He said "I don't care just drop it stop talking about it I don't care". I said...you want me to stop expecting it from you? He said "I told you I'll try I may or not be able to. If I do I do if I don't I don't either accept it or don't".

 

I don't really know what to do. I don't know how to address this situation. I am fine with being dirty but I dont want it to be every single time. I want to be passionate at times also. That's all I want.

It honestly just feels like he isn't even trying and he isn't taking this seriously at all. It feels like he has no interest in trying to be passionate for me and he isn't putting any effort into it. If that is the case I don't know what to do.

But if he genuinely is trying but he really is struggling with it, then I can help him. But I also don't know how I would help him. I don't know what I can do while hooking up to help him stop the dirty thoughts.

[mouseno4]

Have you ever thought about the chance you may not be compatible?

[20sgal88]

Men. *rolls eyes* I have never heard of a man that is NOT like this. Please correct me if I'm wrong. He won't change. They seldom do. You tried talking to him about it, he just ignores you and pushes for what HE wants. You've got to stress to him the importance of what you want in a relationship too; and he's got to accept it and try to accommodate you the best he can. He's not even trying. mouseno4 may very well be correct.

[yellowjello]

Men. *rolls eyes* I have never heard of a man that is NOT like this. Please correct me if I'm wrong. He won't change. They seldom do. You tried talking to him about it, he just ignores you and pushes for what HE wants. You've got to stress to him the importance of what you want in a relationship too; and he's got to accept it and try to accommodate you the best he can. He's not even trying. mouseno4 may very well be correct.

 

What makes you say he is not trying? Because he keeps saying he is trying but can't help it.

[dramallama]

At least you know that he is sexually attracted to you. What do you mean by him talking dirty? Perhaps that is his way of being passionate. Some guys are not the romantic type. Sex is an expression of love for them.

[hexaemeron]

Man I can't think of anything more sexually gratifying than a bed of rose petals, soft candlelight and whatever else all those dimestore romance novels constantly espouse.

 

Chances are, that kinda attitude makes him soft. Sorry if that's harsh, but that's a distinct possibility. He should be open to trying, at least, but if he knows it's just not for him, he should say that. And he's not wrong for that...just as much as you're not wrong for wanting it to be romantic. Just sounds like a case of incompatibility.

[InvisibleWound]

I got a little confused you said he is your boyfriend but for sex you keep using the term "Hooking up" Is this guy your boyfriend or a friends with benefits? And how long have you been together?

 

I know a lot of guys who prefer talking dirty over being romantic are WON'T change. I guess I am lucky because my boyfriend talks dirty but hes romantic more of the time then dirty. I think having a bit of both is a good thing, I would also be mad if my boyfriend couldn't tone down on the dirty talk.

 

Really though if hes not willing to try a bit harder and the constant dirty talk is something you don't want then it might be time for a big talk or maybe like others or saying, just realizing that you could be incompatible.