Weird??

[nutjob]

Hey there i'm new to this site and hope to post future threads erm, basically ever since i was about 10 years old i was very different to others my age for instance when others would go out and play together i would just sit at home with my mother and could'nt play with my peers. This went on for my entire life and i've been a complete loner since like FOREVER erm, i'm a self harmer (since i was 17) and did'nt grow out of it. Early this year i tried to deafen myself with very loud music and why?? To try and get inside my head (to live in my own world) i did'nt work out though as i can still hear erm. I have this kinda alter ego in me and when he takes hold i go completely mute, cut myself and wear the blood on my face (as if to cry blood) and stop watching tv and not use the internet at all erm. Why i do this?? Because i feel that i have no choice. The only 3 people that bother with me are my family and i'm scared that if i go mute then they wont stick around for long (not being able to talk to them) and that scares me so bad erm, itz hard for me to act like everyone else when i feel so different to others and would love someone else out there thatz reading this now that getz it totally to plz answer me back and tell me that i'm not alone in this strange predicament that i find myself in, bye

[tresqua]

You're not alone however that doesn't mean there aren't some significant problems here. Upon reading your post, Schizophrenia comes to mind.

[nutjob]

My psychiatrist has hinted at Schizophrenia or possible MPD and itz so hard for me to live a normal life because from time to time this (for want of a better word) personality takes hold of me and i can't fight it and thanks for replying to me

[tresqua]

While he's hinting see if you can get him to write you an Rx.

[nutjob]

I'm on anti-psychotics now but their not helping at all (only with my sleep) but i'm scared of this personality or what ever it is

[nutjob]

Also my sleep pattern was so bad that for decades i would go to bed at 10:30pm and not get a wink of sleep until 07:30am and even then i'd only get about 2 hrs sleep (on a regular basis) and my mother would hear me crying upstairs because i just could'nt sleep

[Mauxly]

Oh my, I can relate to the no sleep thing. It is awful. And that alone can drive you to feeling like you are not right at all. So getting sleep doesn't help?

 

You aren't alone in feeling as though you don't fit in with the rest of the world, that's for sure. In fact, I suspect that even the most normal seeming people struggle internally with this.

 

And we all have various healthy and unhealthy ways of coping - that most of us keep secret.

 

I hope you find the relief you need, and I applaud this courageous post.

[chitown9]

How old are you now? I am assuming that you can't work or go to school? I get the impression that you are at least 18 years old. If you are at least 18 years old and live in the United States you would be eligible to receive disability payments from Social Security is the reason I am asking.

 

Welcome to ena, you will find many caring people here.

[nutjob]

No i'm not American, i'm from the UK and get very little to no help at all in dealing with this problem