Is anyone afraid of their ex contacting them too?

[Meriem]

I'm doing great in NC, I'm really moving on and I can feel it! But still I'm afraid my ex would contact me, that in a really good normal day he'd appear out of nowhere, is anyone here afraid of that too? How do we get over such fears?

[Live-N-Learn]

You block all avenues for them to contact you. You can't stop him from showing up at your door but all others forms of contact can be deleted.

[jumper11]

For me personally, my ex's excessive contact helped me move on more than if he didn't.. he contacted like 40 times in 2 months.

[Meriem]

Live-n-learn I'll be doing that! Jumper, how so?

[jumper11]

For me, I know not for everyone, I wouldn't block, blocking meant a lot of what-ifs in my head, I'd rather get the contact and know the full story..

 

Basically he contacted so much it became excessive and I got used to it, getting used to it and no longer wondering 'will nc make him contact/??' just helped me in the healing process. Sounds backwards, yeah, but it makes sense too.

[jumper11]

I don't always believe in running away. Yes, delete from facebook. But honestly, had I blocked emails, numbers, I never would have known his intentions. Which I found out. People block EVERYTHING and wonder why they haven't heard from them, or why they haven't reconciled.

[GrowingIn]

I don't know about scared. But I did realize 3 days ago after a month of NC that talking to her still makes me feel weak to my knees. And that alone is enough for me to know I don't need to be in contact with her.

[emma34]

my ex does that all the time and it makes me crazy. we have been apart for 2.5 years and he randomly contacts me about once every 2 months or so.

i am so healthy without him but the second he pops around i regress big time...he's a jerk.

[nsomnia912]

I wouldn't be afraid....I welcome it...alllll the power just shifted to you the moment they contact...unless there's business involved....money, kids......

 

My ex would never contact me..she knows she's no match for me in intellect and verbal..... But no fear, I just don't care for her at this point...I miss having the relationship, but as she goes....she is dead to me...and i told her that....

[Danny77]

Im scared of meeting her again one day.

How will I be? will I be strong?

Will she be with another?

Will she miss me and want me?

 

Meh, Don't worry about it too much.

I they call, don't pick up.

If you get a message then delete before reading.

if its a letter dont even open it.

 

I know thats hard!

If i got a message I'd open it and read but when it got or started to get a bit harsh then I'd look away and close it.

A good "I miss you" message can really boost your ego and help you a great deal.

But you have to open it to find out so, consider the likelyhood of it being that kinda message and act upon it.

 

Im gonna try and follow my own advice but it'll be hard.

 

Just don't expect it.

Thats the best way to be.

 

If they contact you then more than likely they are missing you so just the messahe without reading it is good enough.

DONT answer calls tho. NEVER. NEVER EVER..... You'll be torn apart no matter what.

 

your NC is your shield to pain.

Remember that.

[biffbangpow]

In my situation- personally I would of liked if she contacted me because it would confirm she still cared at least on a friendship level. Since she never did and I doubt she will it's time to move on.

[MasterPo]

My personal experience, don't answer it. Just don't.

 

It is a painful thing to read and generally will get your hopes up. Let them go and let them come back humbled and grateful for an audience with YOU! You can decide then and meanwhile, work on your healing.

[irishgerry]

I have to see my ex tomorrow after nearly 4 weeks of NC, we work together and I;ve been lucky where there has only been a few work emails exchanged, purely work related. Tomorrow is the first time I will see her properly in a meeting, I hope she has balooned in weight

[Danny77]

I have to see my ex tomorrow after nearly 4 weeks of NC, we work together and I;ve been lucky where there has only been a few work emails exchanged, purely work related. Tomorrow is the first time I will see her properly in a meeting, I hope she has balooned in weight

 

haha,

I hope so too.

[nsomnia912]

I have to see my ex tomorrow after nearly 4 weeks of NC, we work together and I;ve been lucky where there has only been a few work emails exchanged, purely work related. Tomorrow is the first time I will see her properly in a meeting, I hope she has balooned in weight

 

Be careful...wishing ill will...backfires, plus it brings your character down.

[irishgerry]

ah i know she hasnt balooned in weight, it was a joke. i just hope im cool when i see her!

[jonesyjakk]

I know this feeling very very very well.......

 

 

its been almost 7 months for me, and well, what I feel is that once I accepted it was over and decided I wanted to move on, the fear of contact dove into my heart and has resided there since. why??? because everytime she contacts me it confirms that she does not want to be with me, and confirms that she did something to me that hurt and will probably take years to fully heal.

 

How did this fear come to reside in me? well when she said its over i moved out a week n half later, after nearly 9 years living together, i wanted her back so desperately, and up until the point of about 12 weeks every single bit of contact we had through text i analysed as hope for reconciliation.....we have a son together and for weeks and weeks she would text me msgs from my lad who isnt even 2 years old saying hi daddy love you miss you etc....

 

then at 12 weeks she said she was seeing someone and that was the point i said enough, we're done....i went a bit ott on nc, sine we have a kid together we need some contact.....over the last 4 months or so she has contacted me mostly about our son but said some things that quite frankly have had me in a spin so badly!

 

during that first 12 weeks i used to get hi daddy msgs and i would reply then she would reply, id see her name pop up on my phone and id shake, knowinf she didnt want me back but yet we were playing some crazy game....and i would shake, put my hand over my screen, and open the msg and delete it without even reading it....it scared the living cr...ap outta me so bad.

 

7 months on........well im slightly better now.....i know her number off the top of my head so she is deleted from my phone, but when i see those numbers pop up it still worries me a bit, but now its always just to ask how my lad is, i stil analayse the words a bit, but far less than before.....i think another few months and i will be at a point of not caring in any way shape or form, why??? because i will be no longer worried about her feeling, and if i hurt them or not...because i know she doesnt want me back, and im getting to a point i dont want her back.....nothing in those msgs can worry me......but yeah......they do scare me and it does worry me what she is actually capable of.

 

jonesy

[sadchick83]

Program your phone so it doesn't ring for your ex...It will just show as a missed call. I have no fear my ex will contact me because even if he does I won't hear the call.

Thankfully, the day he showed up at my work I was at an off site meeting.

 

Program your brain to acknowledge responding to contact will set you back.

 

The fear here is not that he will contact, but that you will be weak and respond.