Situation with my sister/best friend.

[LCA1986]

Hi,

 

I have a situation that’s been going on for about three weeks and it’s been bugging quite a bit. A cousin of mine and I are best friends. We have been inseparable since we were kids. We are close in age, and we were basically brought up together when my grandfather took me in and raised me as his own kid. She is always been one the people I have always put before me and whom has such a big impact on me. When she is angry or sad, I just go crazy and weak in my knees… In my heart, she is my little sister.

 

Anyway, things changed a bit when she got married. She got married pretty young, she was 18 at the time, and ever since then… obviously, things changed. Obviously, her husband became her priority over me and I just step down a bit. At first, it was hard to understand it and I was a little bit hurt but as time went on, her husband and I became good friends as well.

 

Here is the thing, back in January 2010… she said something that possibly opened my eyes and change my attitude towards M. I was in the process of moving from one corner of the country to the other corner, which kind of didn’t happened. I had to drive a truck for 36 hours to move all my stuff… and it was such a long drive that I did not feel comfortable doing by myself. So I asked M if she could drive alongside with me , just to keep me company. And I told her that I would pay for her plane ticket back to the city. Her response was this “If you want me to go, you are going to have to buy my husband’s ticket as well because I can’t be without him for two days”. I didn’t really like the response… I am in the process of moving to a new city, which is a lot of expenses incurring already, and you expect me to spend money not only on one ticket, but two tickets, when all I need is one person to keep me company? I didn’t necessarily show my anger, but I was pretty hurt by her remark… and I just told her to forget about it. I never ended up moving, but that’s another story. Up to this day she still does not understand why it hurt me.

 

So since that day, I realized that just like she has moved on and made her life with someone else, I have to move on and live my life, too. Which means, I have to stop trying to please my little sister, who is not as young anymore, and actually live my life… and do things for myself. Here comes the actual situation; for the past three months she is been asking me to go down to visit her (it’s a 16-17 hour trip and quite a expensive city to buy a plane ticket to since it’s very touristy) … I told her that the only time I could go was when I could get myself a plane ticket and/or during the fourth of July weekend. She still came up here where I am in mid may for her sisters’ graduation and so we got to spent a whole week hanging out with her husband and sister. After she left, two weeks later was the memorial weekend in May, and for that weekend I decided to take a road trip up north (9.5 hour road trip) to visit a buddy of mine. He offered to pay for half the gas and let me stay in his place, so I figured why not?. The night I arrived, M sends me a text, she is basically pissed because I chose to go to my friend’s instead to hers and she has not talked to me ever since. She does not understand between a 9 hour drive where my buddy is paying for half of my expenses to a 17 hour drive! Plus I had just seen her a couple of weeks ago. I haven’t tried to talk to her, which is a first, because I feel that she is being a little bit selfish. It’s not the first time she throws a tantrum about me going somewhere without her. Last time I went to a Six Flags with my ex, and I took a picture of the park and sent it to M. And she said “You are an ass… I can’t believe you didn’t wait for me to go to six flags” … seriously? I am supposed to live my life revolving around your life? I am just tired of her making me feel guilty for living my own life, having my own life. Sometimes I feel like I might have spoiled her growing up, and that’s why she is this way.

 

Anyway, I was just hoping to see people’s perspective on this situation. I just hate the fact that she is not talking to me, but at the same time I am done bending my knees to make her happy. Does she have a valid point to be mad at me? Or is she just being plain selfish?

[buddha55]

sounds like you guys have a bit of a relationship going on.... even if you both don't want to admit it. doesn't sound healthy.

[LCA1986]

Seriously? I mean... jeez, I don't even want to know what you mean by relationship. We have always been kind of overprotective towards each other. We used to do everything together when we were young, hung out with the same friends, grandfather took us to the same places together, we were best friends who leaned on each other for everything. So, it kind of sickens me when you are taking things out of context from this.

[greywolf]

I'm confused. Is she your sister or your cousin? Or are these different people?

 

EDIT: Oh, I get it now. Honestly, I can understand why she would refuse to help you move. Some people don't like traveling alone. Maybe she didn't want to have to fly back by herself.

 

But I do think that it is unfair of her to get upset every time you do something without her. You have your own life, and she has hers.

[buddha55]

i mean... you say you're a little bit hurt when she got a husband. sorry, just some things you said made me read into it like that. on both ends...

[LCA1986]

i mean... you say you're a little bit hurt when she got a husband. sorry, just some things you said made me read into it like that. on both ends...

 

Sorry for the confusion, Buddha. What I meant was ... before she got married we used to be inseparables in school, at home, outside of school. Things changed when she got married, obviously. But back then I was having a difficult time understanding why my sister who always placed me on top of the world could change like that. Why did I go from being the big brother who she would always go to lean on and confide on to someone she hardly called once a week. Now, I understand why that happened but back then I was a teenager and I just couldnt understand it. I hope that clear things up a bit.