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Hello everyone,


I am looking for an outside look into my relationship. Ill give some back stories that I believe will be necessary to make a fair judgment. I am 25 years and she 23. We have been together 4 years now. The first year we were attached at the hip, then beginning of the second I decided to move 4 hours away, to care for my mother as she was going through hard times (medical+financial). I basically moved back in with her, got a job there and help pay the mortgage.


Girlfriend and I decided on a LDR until I get back. In the meantime every 2 week- end she would either come to me or me to her. Also I decided to go back to college, so I was working days, school at night and do the weekend thing.


Fast forward. January 2011, her friend crashed her brand new car (she let her borrow it). The friend refuses to help with the $6,000 repair bill (her insurance isn’t covering). The other party involved in the accident is now suing my GF.


February while arguing with another friend, the friend throws and aboect and breaks her nose. She had to get a reconstruction surgery. GF pressed charges so she can have the friend pay for the medical bill. (Her insurance covered it, just the deductible, which is about 600)


April she didn’t get the long awaited promotion because she got written up twice for being late. This in a small town, you need a car to get by. She’s been relying on family and friends to get to work.


So last month I graduated, my mother is back on her feet, my younger siblings are old enough to help her, so I am moving back in the fall . Girlfriend came to my graduation, was proud of me and the whole nine. While hanging out, she was telling how she has been depressed lately and has been pushing everyone away because she just wants to be alone. After that conversation she went back home. That’s when she started pushing me away too. When she didn’t return a call and a text I left her alone for two days. I texted on a day 3 and said “ Hey besides everything else, I am a friend, if you ever want to talk, don’t hesitate". Then later on her mom called and asked if anything was wrong because Gf has been locking herself in her room and only pops out for work.


Then 2 days later I got


“ Hey I like being alone for now, I don’t want to worry about dealing with anyone for now, I just want to focus on the stress of work and getting my car back and the others”


ME: ok hope all goes well.


Then two weeks later:


Her: Are you coming to(x) graduation tomorrow?


I was invited to her brother’s high school graduation, but decided not to go after she asked for time. I did tell him I could not come anymore, I made up a reason. since I didn’t see her text until the next day, I didn’t even bother with a reply.


Now last night at 12h00 am (4 weeks later)


Her: Hey can I ask you a question please?


ME: Shoot


Her: I have court with (the girl that broke her nose) tomorrow I was thinking about dropping the charges but I need someone else’s opinion and I remember you had a point


Me: if you have a good reason to want to do so, then go ahead. Do what’s best for you


Now people this a woman I love with all my heart. I worry about losing her but I don’t know what to do. I blocked her on fb, so I can keep my emotions in check. my best friend is also dealing with a break up, so I don't really have one to talk to. I don’t have any reason to believe there’s someone else. I want to be there for her, but don’t know how. I don’t know if I should just go full NC on her until she is ready? Or respond when she initiates? Part of me thinks this is just temporary, while the other part is bracing for impact.



So my question is do you think there’s something I am not doing, that could help the situation? Has anyone ever been in this situation? Or is it normal to push people away with a genuine intent of “ Self-bettering” or is it always an easy let down?



I will appreciate your input

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I don't think you are doing anything wrong. I think what you need to understand about depression is it makes us push people away. It kills our self worth. Be there for her when she asks if you can handle it. It is normal for people who pay attention to their inner self to push people away for self bettering. That doesn't mean that's the real reason she's doing it though. Only she knows that truly. I think it may be the case though. All you can do is play the waiting game. If you don't want to then don't.


If you truly do love this girl however, love is patient. I think you should pretty much go NC or NIC and let her know your intent on doing so. Explain that you can't recover from this breakup and move on while still keeping contact with you. Tell her to not contact you for the time being. I didn't see where she actually broke up with you. You may want to make yourself unavailable so she will miss you, but either way she needs to get over her depression first. It will only drag you and the relationship down. The only issue I see with going NIC is that you are constantly available for you when she made a choice to end things. Kinda like letting yourself getting walked on a bit.

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this is so hard since it usually is a trap to get you attention and once they have it they drop you, i don't know why she would ask you such things.. i think your last response was perfect and i would just go to nc and if she try to text you like hey or just keep it simple i would just not answer bc all she wants is you attention bc she's lonely but not to get back together..


give it more tim eand stick to NC

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sounds like she is really depressed though, not just playing games. Her mom called you saying she was locking herself in her room and barely leaving. In my last relationship we both got depressed and pushed each other away. IT is rotten and terrible, but sometimes you just can not deal with anyone else. I am so sorry. I would give her space but answer her. If you love her and she is depressed, don't you want to be there for her if she truly needs you. But only if you can handle it. If you can't I would just explain simply....I care for you, want us to be together, but if we are not it is too painful for me right now. However, I am concerned for you. I did this with my ex and he did it for me too.

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