Ex says we should talk ASAP

[WeightOffChest]

So, the ex texts me at like 2AM on Friday night while I'm out drinking with friends. We text back and forth kind of harmlessly, but then I just kind of stop texting because it wasn't going anywhere. She then ends up texting me, "Unfortunately, we should talk ASAP" at like 4AM. This is after I'm passed out, so I see it the next morning (I barely even remember texting her that night). I text her later on to ask what it's about, but she doesn't respond for 2 days. I decide to forget about it and just go with NC.

 

She texts me again yesterday, saying something about "So that mavs game was good last night". I know, it's a weak opener. I ignore it. Then half an hour later, she texts me that we should have a talk soon.

 

Now, I'm pretty sure that this talk is about her test results for some STD (orchitis, testicular inflammation). Apparently, the rebound got some viral infection, and she was getting tested for it. And since she's like the second person the rebound guy has slept with, she's afraid that she gave it to him as opposed to the other way around. Her feeling is that she wants me to get tested as well. So, we had been having unprotected sex together for 2 years, and I've never seen or felt any symptoms of those symptoms so I'm not too worried about it. I don't know her results, but I'm assuming that she tested positive, so I'm going to get tested regardless. Even if I have it, I'll just take an antibiotic, so it's not the end of the world for me. I'm not avoiding that.

 

My feelings are that it was very selfish of her to say that we needed to talk ASAP, but then ignore me for 2 days. Then, throwing up some weak feeler about the basketball game so we can start a conversation. The sad thing is, my ex and I are on good terms even though I dumped her. She knows that I am NIC, and I'm taking this time to heal from our breakup and tries to respect that. I haven't responded and honestly feel that any information I hear will end up setting me back. I honestly do NOT want to text her anymore. It just allows for too much wiggle room on avoiding issues, anxiety about reactions, and texts are easily misinterpreted. Every text conversation has only lead to further confusion, whereas phone conversations often clear the air (we can pleasantly talk for hours with no hostility).

 

My question is if I should just keep ignoring it (which is not consistent with our good terms), respond back with a short quick text cutting off communication, or bite the bullet and make a quick call to her so that I can properly tell her to stop texting me.

 

If I were to say anything, it would be short and sweet. I would say, "Don't take this the wrong way, but now is NOT a good time for me to talk. No more texts please, it only makes things worse. I'll let you know about my test results when I get them back." The only thing is that I feel that there is incredible irony when texting her, telling her to stop texting me.

[italiannmf24]

Your going in the right direction if you send her that text explaining how you feel about the situation. Send that text, get the results then back to NC, even if initiated by her.

[endy]

I would simply say please do not contact me anymore about the issues you are having with your new boyfriend. For one I'm not your boyfriend anymore so it isn't proper for you to be texting me and I can take care of myself. I thank you for letting me know I might have something but I'm taking care of it. I wish you the best, but I can take care of myself thanks. Leave it at that and then go NC. Don't respond anymore because now she knows there's no reason for you to do so.

[RedDress]

Yeah... I really don't understand why you need all this dialogue. I mean... you know what you have to know. You know she contracted an STD at some point. You know you are potentially at risk. You know that you have to get tested (and you better! You can have an STD with no symptoms - but it can mess with your fertility. Go! Why have you not gone yet... we're waiting...). What else is there to say? Just knowing that you are at risk is enough.

 

Unless, of course, she could be pregnant or something? Just ask via text "is it the STD you want to talk about?". If she says "yes", just say "ok - thanks. I'm getting checked out. Thanks for the head's up". Then, later, just tell her you think it would be best if you go NC. Done. No more needs to be said.

 

She's using all this as an excuse to hang on. Time to cut those strings...

[buddha55]

i don't even understand how you could have something? if you were both monogamous, there would be no STD. sounds like she got it from the new guy. I would just say, I'm going to go get tested and will let you know the results when I get them back. thanks for your concern."

[mhowe]

I agree with the irony of the concept on this forum of calling/texting someone to let them know you won't be calling/texting. Just stop. It takes two people to have a meaningless dialogue, and only one person to have a idiotic monologue!!!

[iBroken]

I dont get it - has she told you to get tested? Why are you assuming that this is what the conversation is about?

 

If you suspect that this is the topic on her mind, send her a simple text that says you do not appreciate being left in limbo for 3 days at a time. If she needs to talk and it relates to your health, you need to speak sooner than later. She can text you the "news"

[endy]

I dont get it - has she told you to get tested? Why are you assuming that this is what the conversation is about?

 

If you suspect that this is the topic on her mind, send her a simple text that says you do not appreciate being left in limbo for 3 days at a time. If she needs to talk and it relates to your health, you need to speak sooner than later. She can text you the "news"

 

I still just see it as an excuse by her to reach out. I wouldn't even want this person back because of the way they are behaving. Look how weak it is and unhealthy. She's using someone as a rebound, and then still reaching back to you this soon. Tell her to get the f on and be done with it. Man up and either don't respond or respond and ask directly what it's about. Take your strength back and tell her you can handle it yourself now please let me be.

[WeightOffChest]

Yes, I got tested and am awaiting results. Her concern was the same, that it could affect my fertility. Also, she's not pregnant - she told me she had her period when she told me the news about getting tested last week (before the texting). I also kind of like your approach because it's much more nonchalant than going cold. That's what I'm going for in this whole breakup. I don't want to be a * * * * and play games by ignoring her, yet I also want to stand up for my own feelings and stop contacting her. She really wants to hang on, because she doesn't want me to be the one that got away. I think a short quick response would convey that I'm not upset with her, yet I don't want to continue this text-tag.

 

 

I don't think I have it. To be honest with you, while I clearly do not want to have it at all, it would, in a way, be disappointing me if she got an STD and I didn't give it to her (or vice versa). It's disappointing in the idea that the girl I love got it from someone else for being foolhardy. It would kind of ruin my memory of her in a way (not judgmental about STDs, just the fact that it came from someone else and not me). I kind of relish/fear the notion of sending her a text after my results come back saying, "Tested negative. Sorry, you got it from someone else."

 

But, we'll see.

[WeightOffChest]

I still just see it as an excuse by her to reach out. I wouldn't even want this person back because of the way they are behaving. Look how weak it is and unhealthy. She's using someone as a rebound, and then still reaching back to you this soon. Tell her to get the f on and be done with it. Man up and either don't respond or respond and ask directly what it's about. Take your strength back and tell her you can handle it yourself now please let me be.

endy, you always offer such words of great strength!

 

I have kept my resolve as best as I can. She often tries to take it away with bull * * * * feelers or things to try and reach out to me. The thing is that, while she wants me back, she clearly hasn't been dealing with this healthily the way I have. She just has a ton of distractions to keep her from grieving in a positive way. Screw that. I'm going to handle this with the most straightforward attitude. The only reason I haven't responded immediately is because I don't want to make an emotional decision - I want to have control over what I say and do. Letting her continue to reach me has only been pulling me in the wrong direction.

[endy]

Forget the std...

I also kind of like your approach because it's much more nonchalant than going cold. That's what I'm going for in this whole breakup. I don't want to be a * * * * and play games by ignoring her, yet I also want to stand up for my own feelings and stop contacting her. She really wants to hang on, because she doesn't want me to be the one that got away. I think a short quick response would convey that I'm not upset with her, yet I don't want to continue this text-tag.

 

 

Why wouldn't you go cold on her? She RAN to someone else. She's with someone else and you are still talking to her. Didn't you dump her? She needs to get the message. You're kind of seriously putting yourself on the backburner here man. Being non-chalant is a tool to attract someone initially. It seriously to me looks like you are still attached which is ok, but you need to start coming to a point where you make a decision. That is best figured out by going NC and moving on. You just said she wants to keep you on the backburner pretty much, and honestly that's what she's doing. If you were the dumper why the hell is this happening?

 

She's with someone else, I don't know why you would be communicating period. Worry about yourself and tell her your sexual relationships and issues aren't of her concern anymore because you aren't together. I don't get where you're coming from with the non-chalance thing or anything like that. She's with a rebound, so why are you even communicating at all? I understand you might have an std, but it's just an excuse by her to communicate most likely. I've had girls say that crap to me too. Then I had nothing. It's just a reach out. If you dumped her, and you are trying to get her back, it's just putting you on the backburner.

 

Why would you want someone that runs, bangs another dude, then wants to run back to you? If I'm not seeing things correctly let me know. I don't mean any harm by it, but from all these posts that's what it looks like to me. Could be a wrong perception, if it is let me know.

[endy]

endy, you always offer such words of great strength!

 

I have kept my resolve as best as I can. She often tries to take it away with bull * * * * feelers or things to try and reach out to me. The thing is that, while she wants me back, she clearly hasn't been dealing with this healthily the way I have. She just has a ton of distractions to keep her from grieving in a positive way. Screw that. I'm going to handle this with the most straightforward attitude. The only reason I haven't responded immediately is because I don't want to make an emotional decision - I want to have control over what I say and do. Letting her continue to reach me has only been pulling me in the wrong direction.

 

That clears things up a bit lol, but still read what I just wrote and think about it a bit. That's the way I'm viewing it. You are actually making yourself too available if you want her back. Honestly she's got issues. If you can't grieve or get through abandonment without running to someone else. That person has issues they need to work on. Same as my ex, and until they get right in the head. A relationship with mine for example is just not an option to me. It shouldn't be to you either. Move on and find someone that is on your level. Because honestly she isn't.

[iBroken]

I still just see it as an excuse by her to reach out. I wouldn't even want this person back because of the way they are behaving. Look how weak it is and unhealthy. She's using someone as a rebound, and then still reaching back to you this soon. Tell her to get the f on and be done with it. Man up and either don't respond or respond and ask directly what it's about. Take your strength back and tell her you can handle it yourself now please let me be.

 

Judging from OP's post, neither he or she are talking about getting back together here. We are talking about someone's (or many others) health?

 

He needs to find out what he needs to know and then cut her off again.

[endy]

But he can find out from his own doctor iB, He's a big boy, and his ex already had told him what the issue was in a previous thread. She keeps reaching out.

[WeightOffChest]

Why would you want someone that runs, bangs another dude, then wants to run back to you? If I'm not seeing things correctly let me know. I don't mean any harm by it, but from all these posts that's what it looks like to me. Could be a wrong perception, if it is let me know.

She's not with him. I'm sure they would be with each other if they could, but right now at most it would be a LDR due to circumstances of him moving away and her moving back home.

 

Regardless of that, I would not make myself available even if she is with him or not. That's the whole reason I tried to start NC. It was as a way of letting the rebound run its course, so I could stand my own ground and not treat myself as second place. If there was no rebound, we'd probably just have gotten back together and fallen into the same traps. So to be fair, I never really thought about it as if she RAN to him, as much as I let her go.

 

Like I said before in previous threads and this one, she and I are on decent terms. Even when I dumped her, as emotional as that was for her, there was no fighting. She painfully accepted my breakup and tried to move on. The last time I saw her, when I explained to her about starting NC for myself, she was very understanding and touched that I stood up for myself that way. I'm not trying to tell this to you through the lens of rose-tinted glasses; it's just that we've always had that communication and chemistry that has been calm since we had met. I've always been nonchalant around her (she brought it out in me, which is what attracted her to me in the first place), so it's not about trying to be nonchalant to get her back. So, despite breaking up, I don't think I've lost that part of myself and don't intend to. It's not a matter of TRYING to be a behavior, rather it's trying NOT TO LOSE that part of me.

 

Also, I totally agree about the reaching out part. I hope I'm not in denial (we'll find out soon enough lol), but she's been one to find excuses for things like this. I guess I understand, because she misses me and does not know how to reach me. I'm not even CLOSE to trying to get back with her. I have the longing in my heart, but I know for a fact that it would probably have to take at least a year of healing before even the possibility could arise. I can accept that. I don't think she can deal with the uncertainty. She's always had a problem with being indirect and beating around the bush, whereas I've always been the one to straighten her out and teach her to face her problems. Whatever, she'll have to learn on her own now.

 

I've already made the decision not to be with her and dealt with the consequences, so I look forward to what has yet to come.

[endy]

Ok with all of that said then contact isn't the best thing for her and I think you know that. She isn't going to change, for herself and the relationship by any means besides herself noticing it. I think you do know this. Either way there is another man in the picture right? Be it an LDR or not? I think you are making decisions that are good for you. You do take what others say into your perspective and then make decisions. You are being wise about this IMO. Just keep reminding yourself of that. Do what is best for you, and things should fall into place.

[WeightOffChest]

I texted her "Don't take this the wrong way, but it's not a good time to talk. Don't worry, I'll let you know when I get my test results back."

 

She immediately calls and tells me that she tested negative (among other things). So, I'm mostly safe to assume I have no STDs. I'll just have my test results as proof.

 

So endy was right, it was just an attempt to reach out to me by looking for something important to talk about. All the texting just lead to further confusion and misunderstanding. We agreed to no longer text anymore.

[Eocsor]

In a river in Africa

[WeightOffChest]

In a river in Africa

I guess we'll find out soon enough. I don't think the news was much of a sign of denial, but we'll see.

 

But on a quick sidenote, not so ready to make a full thread post about it: Your last advice on my previous thread kind of just happened. We both kind of laid out our cards yesterday. I know, I know. It was supposed to be short and curt, but the conversation just kind of materialized organically.