Dating a friend after a breakup

[pierre]

So I posted a week or so ago asking how long you should wait to date after breaking up. My relationship was very unhealthy and dying for quite some time. Because of it being so bad, I feel like we were both ready to be out of it. We haven't spoken in about 2 and a half weeks, which isn't a long time, but definitely the longest we've not spoken in the year I've known her. I have thought about her a couple times, but not much. It feels like weight has been lifted from me, now that she's gone. No more worrying.

 

A lot of what I have been thinking about is this new girl. We went on a date on Friday. It was raining, so it ended up being a dinner and movie date. We had a lot of laughs and talking and it was a good time. The only problem is, I've known this girl for years and we've always been friends. I always had a bit of a crush on her and believe she had one on me as well. I was strange asking if she wanted to go out as more than friends, but she accepted. The only thing is, it didn't feel any different than when we usually hang out. I feel like maybe I should have pushed more physical contact, but the opportunity never seemed to much arise.

 

When we got back to my place, we stood outside for a little bit and talked, but it was cold. She said something about having to be up early the next day, so we had a hug and she was off. I don't believe this is because she was disinterested, maybe it just seemed strange for us.

 

Today we are meeting up after work to go running. She does it pretty much everyday and I said how I'd like to get back into it. I'm just wondering if there's someway I can move in. Something that will take this past the "just friends" area. I just don't know how to straight up do that. She gets pretty touchy and feely when we've been drinking and I know I could have always moved in for a kiss then, but soberly...I just don't know.

[buddha55]

you just broke up with your girlfriend. take at LEAST a month (preferably 2-3) until you date someone else. to move in, tell the new girl that you are really interested in her and would like to take it to the next level, however you'd like the next few weeks to really see if you are compatible and spend some time properly dating. she will think you want to rebound otherwise and this gives you the chance to see if you are.

[Cadence44]

Agree. You may think you are ready for a new romance, but you likely aren't. You need time on your own before you become involved with someone else as you are likely just looking for someone to fill the role that was vacated by your recent girlfriend. It's really not fair to anyone who dates you when you aren't healed from your last relationship.

 

If you really like this girl, explain the scenario to her and tell her that you're going to stay single (and do it) to get yourself straightened out, but you'd like to take her out again in a few months if she's still single.

 

If you don't take this time out, you're just going to drag baggage from your previous relationship into the new one and that's not fair. If you want an honest shot with this girl, you'll want to start off when you are emotionally healthy.

[blackhawks1287]

I think it also matters if he was the dumper or the dumpee.

 

If he was the dumpee there may or may not be some leftover baggage, so there may or may not be a void to be filled...