whatsthedeal Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 Its like i never knew who you truly were. Why couldnt you just be yourself? I knew you liked goin out and doing things, but you just cut the whole world off when we were together.. Why couldnt you of just been yourself, with me in it? Ì feel like you blindsighted me, I guess i`ve always refused to see it. Did you really love me? Why did you feel like you couldnt act like yourself for this entire time? Partying all night and... sleeping with trash..? going out now? You would NEVER go out with me cause you told me you didnt like bars...? I would need to drag you out for dinner and you just didnt want to have fun with it.. But now your doing this again.. Is this what makes you happy...why couldnt you have just been yourself with me? I`m so lost. Why did you feel the need to lie to me.. Why did you act like a totally different person... i dont get it. i dont knwo whether that was who you truly were or if this is who you truly are. I know it shouldnt matter anymore - but it does to me. Link to comment
irishgerry Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 I wouldnt, you are on 33 days which is great! I'm at 22 and already feeling a bit better day by day. Put it this way, are you looking for a response? What if you get one and its not favourable to what you need to hear or if you dont get one at all, how will you feel then? Link to comment
Eocsor Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 Don't send it. It just sounds biiter and whiney. You get closure from yourself, not from them. Link to comment
imonlyhuman Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 dont send that. it would be the worst for you. its accusatory and just mean. u want closure? you're probably never going to get it, you need to learn to let go and live with that. your own personal closure should be moving on and eventually not caring about any of that crap you wrote about anymore. Link to comment
LN1987 Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 Don't send it, but I am in the same position as you. My ex became anti-social with me (even though we are both social people) and now goes out all the time... I don't get it as I always wanted to do things inc his and my friends and he was so dull about it all Link to comment
whatsthedeal Posted June 14, 2011 Author Share Posted June 14, 2011 ya i guess it would send bitter.. Im just so mad. I am bitter. Pissed! You know he stopped hanging out with our mutual friends when we were dating, and now he`s even hanging out with him again. He had stopped cause our friend had mentionned to me something about my ex calling girls (first nights i met him) and my ex had dishonned him as a friend.. And now they are hanging out again!!!! And how do you think i found out about him sleeping with a stupid bar girl! Im so upset. I already had trust issues, and now he completely ruined any faith i had in honesty. ive been 33 days NC, but to be honest its just getting worse.. and torturous.. Its not fair and i feel like the only satisfaction i can get is to make him hurt the way he hurt me.. and to realize what he`s lost. Its not fair. Link to comment
hello678 Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 Definitively DO NOT send that under any circumstances. I'm sorry but that sounds borderline insane to me. That will push them away SO far its not funny. You are clearly hurting but if they dumped you than they are probably well over it by now. That isn't going to be like "oh yes i love them" to them, they will probably ignore it and it will make you feel 100x worse. Aim for 100 days no contact. And than if you still must say something like "hey" to them... in person. And just act casual. I guarantee you that will not give you closure because all that message demonstrates is that you don't get 'it'. I don't know what it is but you don't get the reasons. The reasons they told you could be all lies but i guarantee that will not help you. If will destroy your self confidence and they won't write back. Peace. Link to comment
hello678 Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 To quote batman (simply because I love this quote and its very applicable) 'The night is darkest just before the dawn. And I promise you, the dawn is coming' Link to comment
whatsthedeal Posted June 14, 2011 Author Share Posted June 14, 2011 you think i sound insane?... Link to comment
whatsthedeal Posted June 14, 2011 Author Share Posted June 14, 2011 have i really gotten myself to that point. Link to comment
irishgerry Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 no you are not insane but you are clearly hurting. sending something like this, texting, calling, crying just pushes ex's further away and you won't get the response you are looking for. keep at NC and work on yourself. One day it will just click with you and you will feel a whole lot better. You attracted a partner before, no reason why it wont happen again! Link to comment
hello678 Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 you think i sound insane?... No, i dont think your insane at all. That is the wrong words. I just think that letter sounds very hurt, and very hung up on it. When your ex is probably well on his way to getting over it. I'm just saying he's not going to want to read it. Personally, even if I really cared about a girl I dumped and loved her I would struggle to come to answers to any of what you wrote in that letter. I really think if you send it the only thing you will achieve is losing personal respect and more pain. Link to comment
corgidude Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 I think it's good that you're showing anger, it's a sign that you're not keeping your ex on a pedestal anymore. -But that letter? Bad news for you to send that. It's accusatory, and probably won't have the desired effect you're hoping for. Your ex will read it and do one of two things: either laugh about it and continue on his way, or he'll contact you and proceed to respond with a hurtful reply of his own. While it's good to be able to show anger at your ex, I think you're holding on to the anger a little too tightly. You recognize he no longer belongs on a pedestal, which is a good start. But now it's time to quit letting him dominate any of your thoughts or emotions. If you really want to get back at your ex, there's an old saying that you should follow: The ultimate revenge is living well. -Get out there and live the best damn life you possibly can, so that some day when he does see you living that life while being completely over him, and he realizes he no longer has a chance with you, he's going to realize exactly how bad he blew it. Start focusing on your own life, not what he does with his, that's when NC will start becoming easier. As long as you're focused on what he's doing with his life, you're not really giving yourself a chance to fully get over him. Link to comment
whatsthedeal Posted June 14, 2011 Author Share Posted June 14, 2011 i feel like ive been really trying.. giving it my 100%.. I feel like i just can`t do it anymore. I can`t fight this anymore. Yes, i feel like im in a constant battle wiht my hurt everyday.. I know i dont have a choice either. But ive been doing all the right things to get over it.. It has just poisonned my every thought. I just can`t comprehend how or why is acting the way he had with me. What did he have to gain in that? Nothing. But i feel like I lost everything. I will remain NC. Thank you for slapping a bit of sense into me. I`ll just suffer in silence. He probably couldnt care less. Link to comment
hello678 Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 This will be the most empowering thing you will be told. You have no choice. You can swim or drown unfortunately. Do you want to be this person stuck in the past? Do you want him to look down upon you as you can't get over it? Do you want to be sitting here in another 33 days wanting to send him a message that will only result in more pain for yourself? The answer is NO. You are stronger than this. Close the windows, certainly delete THAT email and promise me you will not contact him until day 60. And on day 60 you will make a thread about it and ask the exact same question. Link to comment
whatsthedeal Posted June 14, 2011 Author Share Posted June 14, 2011 Thank you. And no i dont want to drown in the mess he`s left me anymore.. I promise that I will remain NC, and i promise to write on day 60. Thank you Mtom.. Link to comment
whatsthedeal Posted June 14, 2011 Author Share Posted June 14, 2011 And Thank you everyone who took the time to comment.. You have no idea how much it helped me not make another fool out of myself. Link to comment
hello678 Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 I want to appologize for being harsh. I have no ill feelings towards you and I don't want to make you feel worse. But just know this. In his head he doesn't know your on here writing about it. He doesn't know your writing him that email, he knows... nothing. And that nothing grows his respected for you. Imagine his surprise after over a month to hear that your still bitter and not over it. It will do you no good, none at all. I can also say this, it will do you no good at 60 days either. Believe it or not, you and only you have the power in this situation. Now two things can happen, you can email him and ruin over a month of good work and do the damage or you can wait, but not wait im hope, wait in hiding. By not emailing him you are giving yourself the power. If he ever contacts you than you have the power, but not to do those things, to act casual and uninterested. Than you really are in control. If you email him i guarantee you this will happen, he either wont reply or will write back a message that will hurt you. It will sound uncaring, now he may actually care, but i guarantee the message will sound uncaring. If you want for him to contact you, and get on with your life than you have the power. He is probably seeing other women, so why should you not see other men? And if he NEVER contacts you again. What have you lost? Really? You've certainly gained something in his eyes thats for sure.... self respect. Link to comment
whatsthedeal Posted June 14, 2011 Author Share Posted June 14, 2011 Absolutely. I agree with you 100%. Being NC at this point is a win-win for me, and i need to ask our mutual friends to refrain telling me anything.. or even to that, i will stay scarce from them too. I am being my own ennemy at this point.. Link to comment
hello678 Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 I had a quick read of your past threads and while I don't know you, based on the actions you outlined your relationship was far (far far far far) from perfect and he probably isn't even worth all of effort and pain you are pooring in. I know it hurts more when you say they're not worth it... because you are left with nothing. No current partner, no past to cling onto. But I can say for sure you are better than this. So pick yourself up. There are men out there who want to do right by you, go find one of them =) Link to comment
Eocsor Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 Not insane, just really needy. It happens to a lot of people. Just let go with dignity and maintain silence. Link to comment
italiannmf24 Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 There's no point in sending that message, it'll get you no where. It'll come off as needy. Sorry I'm being so blunt but it's true. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 The message implies that you have been doing NOTHING except analyzing the relationship the entire time. Link to comment
whatsthedeal Posted June 14, 2011 Author Share Posted June 14, 2011 I guess i just am, and he got tired of it. Anyways. Im off. I blocked every social site.. Disconnecting myself from all of this for a while. Which means ENA also for a bit. Cause i have obviously been doing something wrong. And as you said.. Since then hes moved on and im still here. Exacly where he left me analyzing everything.. Probably even worse now actually. Cause now im just bitter. So Thanks guys and ADIOS for a while! hopefully till my day 60 - Good luck to everyone too xo Link to comment
Live-N-Learn Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 It takes time to heal. Don't be so hard on yourself. ENA is a great place to find support, so please come back and vent when you need to Link to comment
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