on again off again relationships- your thoughts?

[bloxy1991]

Ok, so I was wondering what your thoughts are on on-again off-again relationships.

 

I have been in one for 3 years, in the past year we have broken up 3 times and every time he tells me it's over for good only to come crawling back a couple of weeks later and each time I let him back too easily. I do it because I love him and each time I think it's actually going to work out in the long run. Before last year we had been together solidly for 2 years then he started ending it due to fighting too much and now because he doesn't want to keep hurting me, yet he comes back and then leaves again. I know I should turn him away and I really want to if he comes back again, but then I think about how much I love him and I just can't.

 

What do you guys think about these kinds of relationships in general and do u think that if I turned him down this time it would show him that I'm worth more than just a back up plan and make him realise that he needs to be with me fully or walk away??

[_Asti_]

I think you commit or you don't. You can only fool yourself so many times thinking its going to work...if the issues are still there when he comes crawling back, it will end again.

 

I would never do it. In 7 years before we got married, never once did we end it. We worked through it, and if we couldn't..it was time to walk away.

 

It seems like a game for this guy. I wouldn't want to be with someone who istead of trying to work it out, walked away and then came crawling back only to end it again.

 

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Three times? Pfft. No thanks.

[bloxy1991]

I know, I feel like an absolute idiot for letting him back so many times and I know I shouldn't but I love him which makes it hard for me to say no. I know that this time I have to say NO because I'm tired of feeling like crap all the time and tired of being upset every time he ends it but I love him so much that I'm stuck in a dilemma. My head is saying walk away but my heart is telling me it's going to be different if I make him realise he can't keep doing this

[_Asti_]

But it will probably only be a matter of time before he does it again.

Make a choice and stick with it. Whatever happens, happens.

You need to be a little less co-dependent. Loving someone isn't enough.

 

My co-worker is that way, and all she does is complain about her relationship and her boyfriend and its a terrible relationship but refuses to let go and puts up with alot [including him walking away when he feels like it and coming back when its convenient]

 

She's finally seeking help for this, and gaining a sense of independence and confidence to realize how much time she's wasted with him, and to move on from him.

 

Its not healthy. What about having fun together? Making you laugh, feel loved and special? Treats you well, respects you, communicates with you, trusts you, etc. Where you grow together and stronger in many ways year after year, not further apart. All the other things a relationship should have that fall under 'loving someone' Are those things there?

 

A man who chooses to walk away repeatedly isn't someone I'd want to be with.

Maybe it's time to speak to someone,seperately or together to figure out the issues you two have, instead of walking away next time...work on them!

[bloxy1991]

This is what is making me undecisive because when we are together everything is perfect. Yeah, we have the odd disagreement but other than that he makes me laugh, smile, treats me well and is proper gentleman. Then he just ends it and a few weeks later tells me he's made a mistake and wants me back. I have dealt with this break up a lot better, have only cried once but I know deep down, eventually he'll come back which is when I know I'll be weak and take him back even though I shouldn't. If he didn't treat me so well when we are together then it would be easy but everything you mentioned above is there when we are together and then he goes cold all of a sudden

[mad rabbits]

You are holding on because you think you love him, but you don't. Stand back and you will realise someone who treats you like this is not loveable. The love you feel will vanish very quickly with no contact, but the damage this sort of relationship can do to your self-esteem if you keep letting it go on, could last many more years than that.

[_Asti_]

There's got to be more going on for him to just run away claiming he made a mistake. Anyone who had a good decent happy relationship going wouldn't walk away claiming its a mistake, and then claim it was a mistake to end it.

Do you want to be with someone with whom you never know will end it next and totally blindside you?

 

There is no commitment here, or atleast he's terrified of it and runs. Who knows. But anyone who truly cared and loved you and was in love with you wouldn't think of claiming its a mistake and walk away..repeatedly.

[lion355]

I think the others are right, that you should leave. It's not fair for him to put you through this. If you must take him back, maybe it could be under the conditions that you two go to couples counseling. Maybe he has some issues that could be identified and resolved.