I'm having severe family problems

[XxDecemberXx]

Ever since I was young I've had alot of issues with my family/sister. (Sorry my comma key doesn't work.)

 

There were times I didn't get anything for holidays for gifts because my parents bought her something instead and she always was a "problem" child.

She got caught sneaking out and shoplifting. Drinking and smoking too and now she's 18 and she's supposed to have her baby this week and my family

seems to have this huge issue that I don't approve. She's pregnant and she got a car and got taught how to drive and I never got that growing up and meanwhile I keep

getting questions like "when are you going to have kids?" from my family and it makes me feel so much more worst and embarrassed that she is pregnant before me and I'm engaged.

I feel like she stole the one thing away from me that I wanted in my life first and it's tearing me apart it feels like. I have no hate/ill-will towards her kid at all but I feel alot of built up resentment

towards my sister because she's always been a "thunder-stealer" and my mom just doesn't understand. I feel like I don't exist to my family anymore and they all live to please her. My whole family thinks I hate this kid because my mom has been * * * * -talking me and they don't understand when they give me the constant reminder that she's pregnant first that it just makes me feel worst (especially since at this point I don't even know if I can have kids due to health problems in the past) and I feel like they are being totally inconsiderate. I don't even know how to talk to them and I just want to cut mom out of my life at this point. I don't know how to make them understand that my resentment is from my sister for our past experiences not for my nephew. I'm starting to feel

like I should've been a problem child to make them appreciate me more or something. I just wish I could explain this to them but I don't think I can reason with my mother at all because she has bipolar and stopped taking her meds. Is there even a way to explain this without her screaming at me?

[erase this face]

Maybe you need to focus on appreciating yourself rather than looking to others, in this case, your family. As long as you compare your life to your sister's, and give power to your family's words, you will continue to remain miserable. Time to live for you. Consider taking a break from them. Your mother's instability isn't going to make for much logical discussion anyway.

[catfeeder]

How old are you? Sibling rivalry is one of the few psychological terms that's plain and accurate. In adulthood you get to decided whether you want to let go of it or amplify it. That's not dependent on what anyone else says or does--it's your decision to make.

[chitown9]

Hi December. I would like to answer your post, but I think I need more information to be helpful. The main question I have is: are you still living in your nuclear family? Do you work? Do you go to school? How old are you and how old is your sister? Anything else that you can offer. I need a better feel for your situation.

[XxDecemberXx]

I do not live at home anymore I moved out April 2010 due to my mom saying I couldn't use her car anymore to go to school and I was graduating college in two weeks so my fiancé and I moved out so I could walk to school everyday to be able to graduate (we only have one car to this day because after graduation I could only find seasonal work) now I have a part time job and it's usually 30 hours a week. I'm 21 and my sister is 18

[XxDecemberXx]

Sorry I can't edit on the mobile version. It irks me more when people give her sympathy for having a hard year when she brought it upon herself. I went the whole year I was unemployed basically and struggling to get by and dealt with our apartment catching on fire and a few months later one of my ferrets died and then in January I lost my one job while my fiancé was starting a new one and they let him go too (they didn't train him properly and said they were firing him because he wasn't his f***ing babysitter) and now social security might take our only car because my fiancée great grandma is in a nursing home and they won't let us switch the car to our name (she was paying it off still when we moved out so she kept it in her name. We had a truck but we sold it to pay our bills because we couldn't get unemployment.) I honestly feel like I've had a worst year than her and I get no sympathy or anything from my family. My fiancée family has been great and has helped out so much but I don't feel like I exist to my family at all unless it's convenient for them .

[chitown9]

Ok December. That does give me a better idea of the problem. It seems to me I would distance myself from your family if I was in your shoes. I think that it would be better for your mental health. You certainly cannot expect any help from them.