sex before the actual relationship

[im_the_undead]

who here has ever had sex during the dating period, before the official relationship, and had it work out wonderfully?

my friend and i one day out of the blue kissed, then fell for each other (yeah, just like that). We hung out every day for a little bit, and after much deliberation, we allowed ourselves to open up with one another... it was fun and amazing and romantic, all that good stuff.. time of my life!

then we had sex a couple of times... O_o I have never in my life just let these things happen, I was able to say I had incredible self control, hell before THAT I was practically still a virgin.............. anyway, the sex is AMAZING and he and I still get along but now I feel SO WEIRD

like we effed up... because we sooo did, but he doesn't see it that way. I feel icky but I don't want to say anything because I might not feel icky later on and if I speak now his feelings will just get hurt.

Idk, this is too weird, we moved toooooooo fast into this non-relationship/friendship thing.. but i'm not one to end things, i wait things out and see how they go for years at a time lol I just want to hear maybe positive testimonies lol

 

has anyone been there, done that?

[Mercurial Girl]

Buahahaha, my partner and I had sex on our second date. We didn't go on an actual "date" til our third date after meeting off the net for our first. Haha...been together over 8 months now, which isn't long comparative to past relationships I've had. It's easily the healthiest relationship I've ever been in. But anyway I have a hunch, a feeling, he's the man I could very well marry.

 

Waited 3 months before having sex with the ex, and that relationship was just...ugh, sour for the whole 3 years.

 

I don't think it makes a difference, personally. The only way it might is if the other person has certain ideas about it and feelings against it and it changes their view of you because of it.

[sweetharmony]

not me...but my sisters both married their husbands and BOTH lept with them on first or second date. one got pregnant had an abortion b/c they weren't even in relationship, he wasn't so into her then they ended up together. Both are married 8 years and counting. no signs of divorce and kids. I have several friends...one recently had sex on fourth date-second week and now in relationship. I think not having sexd protects women b/c we develop attachment (so do men) but not as much so as women. but some men do form ewmotional attachments. Men, however need a cooling off period and when you don't know someone so well and don't have that bond it can make you want to detach rather than connect.

[im_the_undead]

i think the sex made him become super attached to me, and it scares me.

it's weird because we went from friends, and from one day to another i'm begging him to let himself fall for me.... then we have sex, and i'm backing off maybe because it scared me, and now he's all emotionally attached, even more than me. he's already told me he loves me..

[DrKitten]

My boyfriend and I had sex on our 3rd date. We became an official couple about a month and a half later. We've been together for a year and are very happy.

 

However both us have had years of sex with other partners before we met. Maybe it's because you're fairly new to sex that you feel this way. Maybe you're not sure what sex means to you yet and are trying to balance what society says vs. what you did/what you want to do. Does that make sense?

 

Try not to worry so much, especially if it was so good. If you enjoyed it and you like him, there's not reason to feel icky.

[im_the_undead]

^ you are possibly sooooooooo right. lol

 

i guess what scares me the most is that... we're doing things usually an official couple should be doing as "friends"... and what if i end up not wanting to be with him, how the hell do i cut if off after we pretty much put ourselves ALL the way out there.

usually i'd determine this during a normal dating period, but we skipped right ahead into all the 'good stuff' lol

[Teaday]

I don't think it makes a difference, personally. The only way it might is if the other person has certain ideas about it and feelings against it and it changes their view of you because of it.

 

I completely agree with this. It really depends on both people's positions on sex and how they respond to it.

 

I've always been quick to get physical and slow to commit to anything serious, yet I've had both good and bad relationships in the past. This kinda indicates that early sex wasn't the factor that effected how the relationships progressed.

[mouseno4]

Yep what the Doctor said. I think you are just new to sex, thats all. Nothing to be ashamed of. After all, none of us were born sexologists.

[Mustachio]

^ you are possibly sooooooooo right. lol

 

i guess what scares me the most is that... we're doing things usually an official couple should be doing as "friends"... and what if i end up not wanting to be with him, how the hell do i cut if off after we pretty much put ourselves ALL the way out there.

usually i'd determine this during a normal dating period, but we skipped right ahead into all the 'good stuff' lol

 

Well one of the risks we all take when going into a relationship, especially with someone we were friends with or knew before is that things might not work out and it may not be possible to go back to the way things were.

 

It sounds to me like you are putting too much emphasis on the way things "should be done". There is no right or wrong. You know how you feel, and he is telling you how he feels. Stop worrying about whether you had sex too early because the truth is, whats done is done. If you have feelings for him and you are enjoying the sex, then move forward with it and let the good times roll. If you think its an issue already, you are welcome to have the relationship talk as early or as late as you want.

 

Seems like you have a good thing going, try not to worry too much and just enjoy the new experiences.

[capilot]

My gf & I had sex within an hour of meeting each other, and it's almost six years now. (The last 1.5 years have been pretty rocky, but I don't blame early sex for that.)

[oldenoughtoknow]

Wait a minute. You are friends, right? So, you're building a romantic, intimate relationship, out of a friendship relationship. Isn't that the way most of us postulate as being the best road to building a long, happy relationship?

 

I agree with DrKitten. I think you're feeling "icky" because you're relatively new to sex in general. I think it might feel like you've skipping the dating section of the relationship because you already knew each other - you were already friends. So...so what?

 

What do you do when you're dating? You get to know the other person. You learn about who they are and what they like and what they don't like and if the two of you get along and share some of the same outlooks and goals in life. You guys already did that. Now, you're learning that there's a spark between you. How cool is that?

 

I really don't see where you bypassed dating and jumped into an intimate relationship with a total stranger. Yeah, that probably wouldn't be good. I think you're just missing a key piece in your thought process. Can you find a way to be calm around the idea and just let it happen? Can you find a way to look back on the time you spent together as friends, hanging out, talking, laughing, getting to know each other and experiencing life together, and think of that as your "dating" period? I think that's the key that will change your perspective.

 

I think you've got a really good thing here. Have fun. It sounds like you're a pretty lucky gal.

[im_the_undead]

i think you're all right, great advice everyone lol.

i guess the only reason why i'm second guessing so much and feeling guilty is because of my mom and her beliefs...

today she randomly scolded me saying "you better not be having sex with this kid! You're not even dating" and then she said other stuff.

(i honestly don't recall how she turned the conversation on me, but anyway)

it all made sense to me then...

her approval subconsciously means so much to me that i end up second guessing everything.

She's the reason why I made SURE to stay a virgin all through highschool, even after I turned 18...

she's the reason why I waited more than a year to have sex with my previous bf, and felt guilty afterwords and hardly even did it.. ect.

IF ONLY there were a way to not care, tune her out, and go with the flow -.-"

[DrKitten]

Sounds like it's time to make your own decisions and do what feels best for you.

 

You are over the age of 18. Your sex life is none of your mother's business.

[im_the_undead]

^agreed

 

 

 

(sigh) -.-