bf's lack of contact- normal? or am i insecure?

[ut804]

ok so I just had a little fight with my boyfriend of 2 months.

you be the judge:

 

the first 2-3 weeks of relationship were great. we saw each other 4 times a week and he was always texting me. as soon as we made the relationship exclusive, he seemed to not try so hard in making an effort. now he only wants to see me once or maybe twice a week. and sometimes he's not very talkative on the phone or text. i confronted him about his behavior and he said he likes me and now he just feels comfortable with me (so he doesnt have to try so hard now that he won me over)

 

so anyway, i am worried over the last few days. we saw each other on thursday. friday i didn't hear from him, so i texted him that night. he didn't say much. didn't even ask me about my day.

 

Saturday i didn't hear from him all day. i know he was with a friend so i backed off. i thought maybe he would call or text me but no.

 

Sunday i didnt here from him, so I texted him. he didn't answer. now im getting mad because we barely spoke! so I asked him if everything was ok. no answer. 3 hours later he texts me back. all he said was "yeah everything was fine, phone was on vibrate". thats all he said! so i said "uh ok". nothing from him. so i got really annoyed and i said "fine don't talk.. ill just call someone was cares." then he says "um? i was eating?"

I left it at that.

This morning i texted him. no answer. he finally got back to me at 1:00. so I'm mad and asking him if he still wants to be with me and why isn't he answering, etc. then he tells me I'm annoying! He told me i was being insecure; he told me not to panick if he doesnt answer because he's just busy. he said if he didn't want to be with me then he would have ended it. he told me i am being insecure!!

BUT my point of view is that in 4 days we only exchanged a total of 5 text messages? I like daily communication. I am in NO WAY clingy, but i do like to talk just once a day. and I'm sad he never asks me how my day was.

 

 

SO am I being insecure or do I have a right to be mad?

 

what would you do?

what would you say?

[metrogirl]

"fine don't talk.. ill just call someone was cares.

 

This makes you sound needy and insecure, not to mention it sends a bad message.

[ut804]

This makes you sound needy and insecure, not to mention it sends a bad message.

 

well he does other things to make me feel insecure, i cant help it. like he'll joke about my looks and talk about his ex-girlfriends a lot. but all i want is just one phone call or text a day

[metrogirl]

well he does other things to make me feel insecure, i cant help it. like he'll joke about my looks and talk about his ex-girlfriends a lot. but all i want is just one phone call or text a day

 

May I ask if he is so disrespectful why would you even want to talk to him at all? There are plenty of men that aren't like that.

 

He's sending you a message in an indirect way, he's showing you that your feelings or concerns are not important, hence why he chooses to avoid contact with you. Don't chase him, if he doesn't want to communicate with you and he can't be respectful then leave him.

[ut804]

May I ask if he is so disrespectful why would you even want to talk to him at all? There are plenty of men that aren't like that.

 

He's sending you a message in an indirect way, he's showing you that your feelings or concerns are not important, hence why he chooses to avoid contact with you. Don't chase him, if he doesn't want to communicate with you and he can't be respectful then leave him.

 

 

i do tell him to stop with jokes and the ex talk. i do tell him what makes me unhappy. and I told him i wasnt going to text or call him because he doesnt answer and gets annoyed at me. and i told him if i continued to be unhappy then i would leave. ill give him another week or 2 and if nothing improves then will leave. but you are right..

[Ms Darcy]

If he's doing things you don't like, ie making jokes that make you feel bad, then you should not be with him. It sounds like you rushed into a relationship with him honestly, without really knowing him well.

 

I would find those texts you sent annoying and insecure too.

[HeartGoesOn]

well he does other things to make me feel insecure, i cant help it. like he'll joke about my looks and talk about his ex-girlfriends a lot. but all i want is just one phone call or text a day

 

With that said, why did you agree to be exclusive?

 

Either way, I would back off, and let him contact you. While it's only been 2 months, it's possible that you're trying to move too fast.

[ut804]

we actually dated for 2 weeks in highschool (8 years ago). i thought he matured since then.. maybe not? but yes i am backing off.

[Beluga23]

my ex was like that. As soon as we became exclusive, the contact from his end slowly lessened to the point of ridiculousness and I ended up putting in most of the effort. Maybe he just lost the excitement of the chase. If that's all he was looking for, then maybe it's time to move on.

[ut804]

my ex was like that. As soon as we became exclusive, the contact from his end slowly lessened to the point of ridiculousness and I ended up putting in most of the effort. Maybe he just lost the excitement of the chase. If that's all he was looking for, then maybe it's time to move on.

 

so your ex lost interest? and what happened? you broke up because of that? i mean that happened to me too in the past, which is why i am so scared and paranoid when i feel contact gets less and less. this is why i am making such a big dea out of it. now my boyfriend says if he wasnt interested he would have acually ended it. so do i trust him or is his lessened contact a red flag? this is why i feel i have a good reason to feel insecure

[Beluga23]

My ex and I had a lot of problems and right now, although we've broken up, he's trying to play the yo-yo game. He's treading the waters and seeing what he can/can't get away with... and the more I pull away, the more he's trying to get me back. I don't know your ex at all, so I can't speak for him, but if I were you, I would play it cool for the next little while. Don't play games.. just generally not care. You've already told him that it upsets you.. and if he doesn't try to work through this with you, then there is a problem. Maybe he's just not a really clingy person and you are? It's okay to want more contact... perhaps another guy will want that too. =)

[ut804]

My ex and I had a lot of problems and right now, although we've broken up, he's trying to play the yo-yo game. He's treading the waters and seeing what he can/can't get away with... and the more I pull away, the more he's trying to get me back. I don't know your ex at all, so I can't speak for him, but if I were you, I would play it cool for the next little while. Don't play games.. just generally not care. You've already told him that it upsets you.. and if he doesn't try to work through this with you, then there is a problem. Maybe he's just not a really clingy person and you are? It's okay to want more contact... perhaps another guy will want that too. =)

 

yes... well I'm going to practice what they call the "rubber-band effect" which means that if I pull away he should get close. BUT im not tryin to play games, i really need to not care. i hate getting attached. i should just focus on finding a better job and goin out with friends. screw it.

[Beluga23]

=) good for you ut804! That's what I'm doing right now. I'm refusing to get stuck in this "rubber-band effect" and I'm just concentrating on other stuff. If you ever have an off day and need some support, feel free to pm me!