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Dating a different kinda guy, he treats me great but is overweight.

ImNotYourBabe

By ImNotYourBabe
in Dating Advice

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Lamour detruit Rookie

Lamour detruit

Posted
Posted

Well generally by the fourth date you tend to have a clue whether or not you want to kiss someone. If I haven't kissed a girl by the fourth date, I reckon something is up..because I expect it to happen when two people are into each-other.

 

So there is some validity to it, but only you can decide what you want..so just do whatever you feel works for you.

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Lamour detruit Rookie

Lamour detruit

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Posted
I did kiss him but without tongue' date=' I felt comfortable with that. I initiated it too. lol[/quote']

 

Hah, well that is a different story then..since it at least shows some attraction. I'd say stick with it for a few more dates, and if you're not sure after that, just move on to the next one.

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tresqua Rookie

tresqua

Posted
Posted

If you're in a relationship with a person who has an unhealthy, undesirable habit, there is nothing wrong with talking to them about it even if they "had this problem when you first met".

 

In this case you've got a person who is overweight. That leads to all sorts of health issues including diabetes, hypertension, heart attack, and a whole bunch of other things. Those who have posted "there's nothing wrong with being fat, there are lots of fat people in the world" are making the same logical fallacy that a speeder takes when they tell the cop "hey everyone wasgoing over the limit, why did you stopME?

 

They can be approached in any number of ways using some tact, and without insulting them or making them feel self conscious.

 

Such as this:

 

Honey I'm very much in love with you but the more I care, the more the extra pounds bothers me because I want the two of us to live a long time and be happy together, why don't we work towards getting you back to a more healthy weight? We can exercise and practice healthy eating and skip the sodas at dinner and the desserts and the greasy appetizers and the late night snacks".

 

It will be easier than you think, and it's win/win.

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Batya33 Grand Master

Batya33

Posted
Posted
you like him, your taking it slow, attraction can grow the more you get to know someone. Take the guy who likes me, hes no traditionally good looking but because hes such a lovely person it makes him so much more attractive

 

Yes attraction can grow but to be fair to the other person and to yourself, I think there has to at least be a spark of attraction and the desire to kiss (or hold hands,be romantically close) after you've spent 4 days/evenings with the person - I truly regret my decision to wait two months with a particular person in the past -even though I was honest with him about not wanting exclusivity, about wanting to take things slow physically, I went out with him at least 4 times after I realized that I wasn't into him that way. And I believe that I led him on even though I took all those steps not to. He's now happily married after meeting hundreds of women through on line sites, set ups ,you name it -and the woman he married apparently is not only a lovely person but is crazy about him. And he deserved that of course -I thought he was a great guy who treated me like gold and try as I might the attraction just wasn't there (and we actually made another attempt to date a few years later -that was over within one date so at least I didn't lead him on again. This was all years ago and I am so glad he's happy and still regret my behavior.

 

I also think that if the "well he's not traditionally good looking but I am attracted to him" is more than a passing thought or confirming what is technically true if there is a conversation about it, that is a potential issue. I don't think anyone would want to even sense that their SO believes in more than the most passing way that they are not good looking but their personality compensates for it. Rather, I would want to know that my SO found me attractive and ddidn't give a thought to whether I was "traditionally" good looking.

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Batya33 Grand Master

Batya33

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What if you find them attractive in the whole package. Like you can appreciate others dont find them attractive. But you do because of all of them, the way they treat you, their personality, and the fact that you find them attractive bcause of the whole package.

 

Sounds great to me! What my concern was was your initial focus on "well he's not traditionally good looking but his personality makes up for it" -that sounded a bit like you were settling. I actually don't care if anyone else finds my husband attractive (felt the same way when we were dating). In my 20s I cared a lot. I was happy to change that mindset!

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BriarRose Community Regular

BriarRose

Posted
Posted

Never assume you are more physically desirable than someone else or that they can't get someone because they are overweight (not saying you do this, just people in general). I once dated an overweight guy - he was really cool and had an amazing face and we had a thing for awhile. Then he lost a bunch of weight, got a job in a nightclub and dumped me. It was a long time ago, and I can chuckle about it now...but just sayin'...

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