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Dating a different kinda guy, he treats me great but is overweight.

ImNotYourBabe

By ImNotYourBabe
in Dating Advice

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ImNotYourBabe Collaborator

ImNotYourBabe

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Hi Everyone. I just wanted advice on weight. I am always being treated poorly because I always seem to go and date the same guy and it ends up turning out poorly. Well I met a guy who is super nice, treats me great, tells me how beautiful I am etc...he is so nice. The only thing is he is overweight. I think I could grow to like him but people are telling me I messed up by not mentioning his weight. I felt that was no approriate. I just wanted to get to know him at least. I think I like him....I'm confused on how to handle it.

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mouseno4 Explorer

mouseno4

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If you started dating a guy with a problem - you have no place to ask him to change. Even for their own problem.

 

Think of it this way - if you were a smoker and a hot guy started dating you, then 3 months into the relationship demanded you stop... what would your reaction be.

 

To put it simply, if you like this guy and started dating him - most likely you dated him because you liked him the way he is. If it really matters to you what his weight is, then you are kidding yourself.

 

Dont listen to what others say about you or your own life. Make your own decisions.

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ImNotYourBabe Collaborator

ImNotYourBabe

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Oh wait no I am not saying it because of my friends, it is sorta a problem because I never dated an overweight guy and I'm not sure how to handle it (or not handle it because its not my place) but they are telling me I should have mentioned it WAY earlier before our 3rd or 4th date. I guess I just don't know because he treats me so good and I'm thinking its better to try to date a nice guy for a change.

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mouseno4 Explorer

mouseno4

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What really matters is what YOU think.

 

If you like this guy the way he is, IT DOES NOT MATTER what your friends think of your relationship with him.

 

He sounds like a real nice guy, so if you dont have a problem with his weight - even if your friends do - it shouldnt matter. Enjoy having a nice guy for a change and return the kindness he shows you - and ignore what your friends say about his weight.

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metrogirl Veteran

metrogirl

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Oh wait no I am not saying it because of my friends' date=' it is sorta a problem because I never dated an overweight guy and I'm not sure how to handle it (or not handle it because its not my place) but they are telling me I should have mentioned it WAY earlier before our 3rd or 4th date. I guess I just don't know because he treats me so good and I'm thinking its better to try to date a nice guy for a change.[/quote']

 

If you like him, you like him. If you don't think you can deal with him being overweight then be kind and break it off sooner than later so he doesn't get crushed.

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Oneironaut Explorer

Oneironaut

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My boyfriend is overweight, and I love every inch of him.

 

It's a matter of personal taste, really...if you're not comfortable with his weight now, then it might be best to get out of the relationship so he can find someone who has no problem with it.

 

Just out of curiosity...what exactly is it that your friends think you -should- have said to him early on? "I like you but you're fat...we can't go out unless you lose some weight"...? I'm pretty sure he's well-aware that he's heavy, lol...I'm unsure why your friends think it's necessary to point that out to him.

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BriarRose Community Regular

BriarRose

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My boyfriend is overweight, and I love every inch of him.

 

It's a matter of personal taste, really...if you're not comfortable with his weight now, then it might be best to get out of the relationship so he can find someone who has no problem with it.

 

Just out of curiosity...what exactly is it that your friends think you -should- have said to him early on? "I like you but you're fat...we can't go out unless you lose some weight"...? I'm pretty sure he's well-aware that he's heavy, lol...I'm unsure why your friends think it's necessary to point that out to him.

 

I was wondering the same thing - wasn't sure what you meant by "tell him sooner"...

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ImNotYourBabe Collaborator

ImNotYourBabe

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I think there is chemistry though...I sometimes think the weight is a problem but then I go back and think that I think I like him anyway. My friends are telling me that I should have mentioned that I like a guy with a "healthy lifestyle" or something along those lines to get him thinking. I felt that wasn't the right thing to do. I don't think he's just NICE I mean I think I like him but I'm not sure if the weight is an issue..well I guess it is since I'm posting about it.

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mouseno4 Explorer

mouseno4

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I am glad someone agrees with me.

 

One of my mates is quite a fair bit overweight. I have no idea what it is in pounds, but his idea weight is ~80kg. He is well over 110-120kg. He has a girl that is ONE QUARTER his weight. From what i can guess, she does not have a problem with his weight. He is my mate because has similar values to mine. Makes me very happy knowing a girl treats him good. Gives me hope that there are in fact NON-bitter girls out there.

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mouseno4 Explorer

mouseno4

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He's wonderful! He has a great career' date=' he talks to me everyday he wants to spend a lot of time with me and he just treats me great. He is very thoughtful and everything its great actually![/quote']

 

If he makes you happy, what are you doing here? Happiness is all that should matter.

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betrayedgirl Community Regular

betrayedgirl

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How overweight? Super obese, morbidly obese, or just a few extra pounds? love handles?

 

If you like him, why not keep dating him? If you are already living a healthy lifestyle, why don't you encourage him to do the same? Cook healthy meals, go for walks, hiking, etc.. something with physical activity?

 

I'm personally overweight but working on it, and I have always had tall thin guys and a couple guys with some meat on it.

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BriarRose Community Regular

BriarRose

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How overweight? Super obese, morbidly obese, or just a few extra pounds? love handles?

 

If you like him, why not keep dating him? If you are already living a healthy lifestyle, why don't you encourage him to do the same? Cook healthy meals, go for walks, hiking, etc.. something with physical activity?

 

I'm personally overweight but working on it, and I have always had tall thin guys and a couple guys with some meat on it.

 

Good point - the more he hangs with you, maybe he will adopt some of your lifestyle habits. But don't go into it assuming that. You need to be ready to accept him how he is right now, and if he loses weight, great.

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mouseno4 Explorer

mouseno4

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How overweight? Super obese, morbidly obese, or just a few extra pounds? love handles?

 

If you like him, why not keep dating him? If you are already living a healthy lifestyle, why don't you encourage him to do the same? Cook healthy meals, go for walks, hiking, etc.. something with physical activity?

 

I'm personally overweight but working on it, and I have always had tall thin guys and a couple guys with some meat on it.

 

Dont try to change someone. Let them change themselves only if they want to.

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CarnelianButterfly Veteran

CarnelianButterfly

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I guess I start thinking about how compatible we are in the bedroom. I'm really small and petite.

Don't worry about it!

 

I've had several friends and I myself have dated a man that are much bigger. My ex out weighed me by almost 70lbs, my good friend's hubby was 100lbs heavier (and they have a baby), another friends BF was 1.5ft taller and 115lbs heavier and they had great sex, my co-workers fiance is 80lbs heavier. Like any sexual relationship it will take a few moments to figure out how you guys are comfortable together, but it will work.

 

If he treats you well and is such a great guys, tell your friends to stop being shallow jerks and leave you alone!

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