lapse Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 I started dating a guy a couple of months ago and was really enjoying getting to know him. Things got physical, it was fun, he called and texted a few times a day for those two months. Then I started getting worried that I was more into him than he was into me. He wouldn't really talk about his feelings, but he said that the fact that he called all the time is an indication that there's something there. I started to feel that things were kinda casual and sent an email to him about how I was feeling. He didn't respond because he said he thought we got all of the issues cleared up on the phone. A couple of days later, I forced the issue and asked him what kind of relationship he wanted. He couldn't really answer me and questioned where that was coming from. I impulsively said that I guessed he was casual about it and that I'd had fun. He got pissed and said, "If that's how you want to be, I had fun, too" and hung up on me! I kinda flipped out. Tried to call him back and texted a couple of times and he texted me back that after thinking about it, I should find someone else, etc. Then I tried to call him again and he texted me saying that I should take a day or two to think about things and then call him. I texted him the next day saying I wanted to talk about it in person. Did not get a text back. Then I tried calling a couple of days later after I sent an email apologizing for being hot and cold. He replied to the email saying he'd call and he never did. Then a few days later I noticed he'd put his profile back up on this dating site. I texted him and asked him to please call. He called and I asked why he wouldn't have the break up conversation and why he couldn't just say that he was done and he was ignoring me. He claimed he wasn't done, blah blah blahed about how he was crazy busy all week, etc, had not touched his account on the dating site. He said he was giving me time to think about things and decide what I wanted. I mean... TOTAL bullmanure! I don't get it... what's up with refusing to just say that he's done? I honestly would have no problem telling someone I was finished. It helps them move on. So I don't get this behavior. Any insight is appreciated. This was like a week and a half ago and I have accepted that it's done - but I just don't get this behavior. It's so disrespectful. And I think the dude is an arsehat. Link to comment
jumper11 Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 I've noticed this weird 2 month dating timeframe where hell seems to break loose, and commonly it seems the guy is initially so much more interested , then the girl is, then the guy pulls away. So you were just seeing him? I'm going through weird things around 2 months with my boyfriend too. Link to comment
scarlett27 Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 he is an arse lol - ur best to find out now hes not interested but tryin g to make u feel guilty move on he aint worthy of u darling Link to comment
lapse Posted June 13, 2011 Author Share Posted June 13, 2011 yah, jumper. we were referring to it as a relationship or whatever and weren't seeing anyone else. i don't doubt that part. You're probably right. 2 - 3 months is about the average before our skeletons start creeping in on the relationship. I do think it would have progressed longer if my anxieties hadn't raised their heads. They're like the spites. LOL Nonetheless, they no doubt showed up right on time. scarlett - yea, but why would he want me to feel guilty? that's what I mean... wth? Link to comment
scarlett27 Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 he's a jerk i know u know this deep down lapse - he aint got the guts like a lot of men to break it off x Link to comment
lapse Posted June 13, 2011 Author Share Posted June 13, 2011 lol thanks, scarlett. Yea - like I said, though, I don't even see how it takes "guts." I mean - it's so damd simple! Dude is clearly an emotional idiot, which I should have figured out when he couldn't talk about his feelings. Nonetheless, I have *invited* him to say he's done. Like I've asked for it. And can't get it! Link to comment
rosephase Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Maybe you are misreading the situation? You aren't listening to him which leads me to believe you might not understand what he is saying. He told you he was interested (that the calls and texts were an indicator of that) you didn't believe him and forced another conversation about it and before he could tell you how he felt you broke up with him. Then he said take some time and think about it and you didn't take time you just kept up. Now he is telling you that what you think is going on isn't (that he isn't ignoring you or rejecting you but that he has a life and it is busy) and once again you are choosing to not believe him and making it look as bad as possible from your side. You are not making it easy on him. Link to comment
lapse Posted June 13, 2011 Author Share Posted June 13, 2011 rose, I agree that I did some misreading prior to breaking up with him. I can see that angle on it and appreciate you bringing that side out. However, he also put his profile back up on the dating site on which we met. And then claimed he had not touched it. All of his actions (rather than his words) indicate lies, disinterest and games. He no doubt knows that this is not a good time to let this stuff fester. If I knew that someone badly wanted to make amends and I cared about them at all (probably even if I didn't care), I'd allow them a few minutes of air time to get it done. And if they were having problems understanding where I was in respect to the situation, I have never been too busy to provide that for them. Ya know? Link to comment
scarlett27 Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 he should be putting MORE effort in so early on i am really pleased lapse that u are not blind to this and realise hes a prat lol x Link to comment
MissyMolly Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Gawd girl... I am in the same boat with you, being ignored. Sigh, it's so tiresome. And pretty cowardly. I think that if he does indeed have good intentions, then he should address your concerns, rather than ignore you. I'm with you on this sister - the silence is the biggest message to pay attention to - not the "lip service" he might otherwise be trying to feed you. I myself am on the fence as to whether or not I will confront this man I am dating - 5 months into it. For now, I am responding to HIS silence with my own. Link to comment
lapse Posted June 13, 2011 Author Share Posted June 13, 2011 y'all want to know the hilarious thing about it? I kept contacting him because I just couldn't believe he wouldn't jump at the chance to be with me. I was like... "He's just playing a game. Wants to punish me properly for dumping him. Wants to know I care etc etc etc. He can't really be rejecting me." I know I sound like an arrogant biatch, but dude is short and has funky teeth and in his 40s and I'm in my early 30s. My recent ex is gorgous. LOL I'm just like... "Wow. I got rejected by an unappealing arsehat. He can't be rejecting me, can he? REALLY?!" I'm seriously not superficial which is why I wasn't looking at that kind of junk anyway, but it is like... forreeeeeal? Like the ex said, "Ya see it all the time. Beautiful women going for ugly guys... like 'I'm gonna find somebody so ugly he'll never think of leaving me... and then their ego gets all big and they think they can do better... see it all the time." *I* find this hilarious, anyway... even if it does highlight a not so nice coping mechanism of mine and make it sound like I got what I deserved. LOL I really did like the guy, though. Link to comment
jumper11 Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Yea it's just an uneasy time for a relationship period.. my bf drives me nuts but I figure I don't even know him well enough still so I just let him be and it works fine. For me it's not game playing but more just it's what we both need.. I know what you mean, I don't take it as you being a anything lol. I know it's frustrating. Link to comment
MissyMolly Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 lapse - you are cracking me up girl.... my brain works exactly like YOURS! I have been pretty lukewarm about this guy I've been dating for the last few months, and all of a sudden, when he starts ignoring me, and not returning my calls, I am like "REALLY?" And then, panic mode sets in. And I wasn't all that sure he was that great to begin with! Oh my, how our insecurities get magnified the second someone rejects us.... I am shaking my head at myself. Link to comment
lapse Posted June 14, 2011 Author Share Posted June 14, 2011 Yea, right Molly? LOL It's like this (since I'm supposed to be over here contemplating what kind of relationship I want with arsehat while he's POFing): I want to be in a relationship with someone who ignores me when I want to hear from them the most. I want to be in a relationship with someone who does not compliment me or reassure me. I want to be with someone who neglects their emotions and their teeth. I wish to be left *alone* to figure things out in the relationship. I hope that, in this relationship of exciting degradation, that I will always get to apologize for recognizing its arsehatteriness. YES! That is the kind of relationship I want. A lot like the kind of relationship I can have with a cigarette! Oh YES, BABY! Link to comment
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