Injured Lion Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 I can't believe I'm back writing in this forum. So to cut the story short, I've been with my Ex for about 20 months and we have been broken up about 2 months now. We keep in contact with each other. And for about a month and a half of break up until now, we acted as if we never did break up. It was like we were back together. We would say 'I love you,' 'honey,' 'baby,' I love you with all my heart,' and do things we used to do together like be on the phone for hours, going to each other's house, spending time with their family, holding hands, holding each other, being intimate with each other, etc. We said things and did things when we were together. So, pretty much I thought we were back together. But last night, she reminded me that we are still single. That devastated me..... She said she still didn't see a future with me, didn't think we will go back together, she didn't love me as much anymore....... She said she wanted us to see other people....!!!!!! WHY OH WHY?!!!!!! I'm so hurt...... Our almost 2 year relationship was full of happiness and there was no fighting, hating, cheating, jealousy, etc. It was always so GOOD! I'm stronger than before. I don't cry anymore, but the pain is still there. I'm still in pain. Still hurting. She loves and cares for me. I want to get back together. I'm happy with her, I really am. I can see a future with her, but I can't believe she doesn't...... Please, I need any support. It hurts. I'm hurting. In pain. I'm doing my best to make it work between us..... Need support during this time of devastation........... Link to comment
scarlett27 Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 SORRY you are feeling awful im sorry she is not as perfect as u think becuase my dear she has been leading u up the garden path she knew all along it was going no where - she has used u for company etc and sex and now wants to see other people ? this girl is not inlove - u will get better - try a book called - its called a breakup coz its broken " u will get through u are stronger then u think x Link to comment
Injured Lion Posted June 13, 2011 Author Share Posted June 13, 2011 But I really believe she is the one. I choose her to be with. There is no one that compare with her! I can't just move on and be with some else. She is the only one I want to be with. I'm so hurting. It doesn't feel as if she is using me. It really doesn't. She said she feels like she is using me and doesn't want to her me, but I told her that she isn't using me. I really love her, I really do. Link to comment
scarlett27 Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 trust me i am a female she IS using u the fact she even said it proves it !! do u think the rest of us dont feel as bad and as lonely and as heartbroken as u ?? really ?? come on we all feel the same broken , but this girl is not into u please see reality if a friend told u this story u would say walk - ur blinded by love u would put up with anything Link to comment
italiannmf24 Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 If she really loved and cared for you she wouldn't be leading you on and getting emotional support from you. Cut contact and move on. If you do that, she'll most likely regret ever ending the relationship. Link to comment
Injured Lion Posted June 13, 2011 Author Share Posted June 13, 2011 i learned what real love is from her and I learned how fragile it is. I'm just venting right now because I'm so devastated. I know that there are millions of other people who are going through lose. I hope I'm not being blind right now, but I just cant imagine a relationship without her. I just can't see it. She really makes me happy. Thanks for replying, it really helps. Link to comment
Injured Lion Posted June 13, 2011 Author Share Posted June 13, 2011 I just can't cut contact. I done it before and it freaking hurts like a b***h haha. I know its for healing, but I know its not always a good move in trying to get your Ex back. Going through the day isn't the same without her. Just doesn't feel good. Link to comment
scarlett27 Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 we are both telling u here she is using u , when u are in love u can be blinded ( we all been there ) from an outsiders point of view she is using u - trust me we all feel the same s****** way you do but u have to move on x Link to comment
Injured Lion Posted June 13, 2011 Author Share Posted June 13, 2011 We're suppose to hang out tomorrow too and then go hiking the day after that. I don't know if we still can or can't anymore..... sigh... Link to comment
Injured Lion Posted June 13, 2011 Author Share Posted June 13, 2011 I'm in college. Its so hard finding a girl these days. Every girl I know/meet drinks, smokes, or parties. I'm almost going to graduate too and I'm in the engineering field so there are never girls..... WTH this sucks!!!! She was the person one for me. Beauty inside and out. You'll never find someone like her in a trillion years..... Link to comment
Injured Lion Posted June 13, 2011 Author Share Posted June 13, 2011 I'm afraid I can never love again. I find it hard no girl can measure up to her... just venting. low to the point right now. Link to comment
MakeItCount Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 The longer you hang out with her as "friends" the longer it'll take you to move on and the more devastated you'll be when she meets someone else. She's told you she's single, and yes she's using you so she's not lonely. Cut contact. It will hurt short term, it'll be way better long term. Do this, or you'll be on this forum for months and months if not years asking why oh why isn't she back in my arms. Link to comment
Injured Lion Posted June 13, 2011 Author Share Posted June 13, 2011 This sucks! I wish I was happy and be the one giving advice and not the one seeking it.... Her and I have potential to have a wonderful lasting relationship. She even said we are compatible. That is why it is so hard moving on when I know we have potential. I want to fight for her. I can't give up and walk away. I may have too much pride or whatever, but I genuinely love her and willing to give my best to win her back. Link to comment
MakeItCount Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 This sucks! I wish I was happy and be the one giving advice and not the one seeking it.... Her and I have potential to have a wonderful lasting relationship. She even said we are compatible. That is why it is so hard moving on when I know we have potential. I want to fight for her. I can't give up and walk away. I may have too much pride or whatever, but I genuinely love her and willing to give my best to win her back. Then cut contact, show self respect, and concentrate on yourself. She's stringing you along in case she can't find anything else, and you're stuck in limbo. Link to comment
Injured Lion Posted June 13, 2011 Author Share Posted June 13, 2011 I've tried cutting contact once before and it didn't work. One of us would give in. I would always have her in my mind. Every conversation I would have with family and friends would be about us. I have worked on myself too. I'm applying for jobs and internships so I can get my career going. To add to the hurt, is that I made plans for us. And now I don't know anymore. I'm afraid I'll be spending summer vacation alone. I have a few friends, but I know it won't be the same as if I was with her.... Link to comment
MakeItCount Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 I've tried cutting contact once before and it didn't work. One of us would give in. I would always have her in my mind. Every conversation I would have with family and friends would be about us. I have worked on myself too. I'm applying for jobs and internships so I can get my career going. To add to the hurt, is that I made plans for us. And now I don't know anymore. I'm afraid I'll be spending summer vacation alone. I have a few friends, but I know it won't be the same as if I was with her.... her her her her her. YOU man, YOU. I know NC is hard, but you have to suck it up and do it. Tell her this "friends" thing isn't working for you and to take care of herself, and then disappear. Seriously. It'll be the best thing you ever did. Take some time, let the emotions settle down, then go from there. Read around these forums man...noone's getting back together (for good) when feelings and emotions are still so raw. Link to comment
iBroken Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 I'm afraid I can never love again. I find it hard no girl can measure up to her... just venting. low to the point right now. I thought that way as well....until I enjoyed the single life. And then again when I met now girlfriend. She blows my ex out of the water.........I hung my ex once I removed the pedestal from beneath her Link to comment
Injured Lion Posted June 13, 2011 Author Share Posted June 13, 2011 My emotions are just so low right now that it's hard being optimistic. Bad imaginations come into my mind if I disappear. Like her hooking up with another guy. AHHHH THIS SUCKS!!! Link to comment
iBroken Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Omg - she might hook up with someone else!!!!! And you might as well!!!!! The future looks so bright, you need shades bro! Just chill. Link to comment
Injured Lion Posted June 13, 2011 Author Share Posted June 13, 2011 iBROKEN, I'm happy for you. I really am. It feels so good being with the one you love doesn't it. This is why it is so hard to enter the single life. How long did it take you to find someone new? I just can't imagine that another girl can ever measure up to better than my Ex. I'm afraid that I'll be doing the breaking up because I will always be wanting expectations. Link to comment
iBroken Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 iBROKEN, I'm happy for you. I really am. It feels so good being with the one you love doesn't it. This is why it is so hard to enter the single life. How long did it take you to find someone new? I just can't imagine that another girl can ever measure up to better than my Ex. I'm afraid that I'll be doing the breaking up because I will always be wanting expectations. The timing isnt important....I found her after I had taken time to detach from my relationship with "the greatest one of them all". Then I realized she wasnt that girl......and had a blast being single.......then I met now girl shortly after that. Link to comment
Injured Lion Posted June 13, 2011 Author Share Posted June 13, 2011 How did you cope with the breakup? What did you do to let go? How did you heal? What did it feel like when you didn't care anymore? Link to comment
iBroken Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 At first the break hurt - like nothing I had ever felt before......But I wasnt about to wait it out to try it out with my ex again. So despite the pain, I went NC and cut her out of my life. Hung with friends, started to take up photography etc. We split at the beginning of summer. I focused on getting my own place, taking a trip with friends, living the patio life.....meeting girls, new people, all of the above mang! There were highs, and lows...the lowest of the lows was about 4 months after we split. After I got out of that rut, it was game on Link to comment
Injured Lion Posted June 13, 2011 Author Share Posted June 13, 2011 But if she is worth fighting for. If WE are worth fighting for. I should fight for us right? Link to comment
corgidude Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Injured Lion, I know exactly how you feel, because I've been in that same place not too long ago. In fact, in a lot of ways, your situation parallels mine... my career path doesn't make for much socializing with people my own age group who share similar interests (AV technician), and I'm living in a city where I only have a small number of friends, as well. To be honest, I was not at all looking forward to summer because I don't have a lot of options to get out and enjoy the summer. -My ex on the other hand, has plenty of friends, and has been out having fun and enjoying her life as if I never came along. -It wasn't doing much at all to help my healing process, I'll tell you that. So what am I trying to do different? I've developed a closer friendship with one of my friends in the area, and we've even got an ongoing weekly 'movie night.' I've discovered a really good friend who's been there for me far more than I'd have expected, and might not have had my relationship not ended. -Not that I'm saying this was a good trade off, but silver linings, y'know? I've started looking for meetup groups that are parallel with my interests. It's not easy because I don't have a ton of interests that are 'group' things, but I'm still making an effort. With the 4th of July holiday coming up, I've realized that I'd rather not spend the long weekend with nobody to spend time with, so I'm planning on going back to my hometown to visit my family and see some friends who will also be there during that time. I'm not particularly looking forward to spending the 8 hour drive each way on my own, but it's a helluva lot better than sitting on my rear for 3 days with nothing to do since all my friends in the area are going elsewhere. Will my summer be the same without her? Of course not. But instead of focusing on what it won't be, I'm trying to find ways to at least be able to enjoy myself. I've struggled long and hard with the concept of not being able to find another girl like her. There are times when I feel this is going to be a nigh impossible feat, and others when I find myself thinking it might be more possible than I think. I'm still not all the way there, but when the breakup happened, those first few weeks I was convinced that I'd never find anyone again. This isn't logical or even realistic thinking. Think of your mind right now as being like an animal that's caught it's leg in a trap. Right now, it's panicking and lashing out at anything it can because it's in pain, and would even attack/bite whoever was trying to help it, because the pain has clouded it's judgement. Pain and fear have taken over logic, and your mind is allowing them to cause it to feel like you'll never find love again, or that you'll never meet anyone like your ex, etc. None of it is true, but because of the emotional pain you're in at the moment, your mind can't focus on the logic of things right now. Right now, you're in the beginning stages of the process, where the hurt is still fresh and it's not going to magically disappear overnight. The constant contact with your ex is only doing two things right now. The first is that it's prolonging your pain and hurt because you're following a false hope that this will bring you back together. The second is it's allowing your ex to slowly detach from you, and when the idea of being completely broken up and single is no longer painful to her, she's going to end even this stage with you and move on with her life. Whether or not she admits it, she's using YOU to get over being with you. Trust me, this will hurt much worse for you in the long run when she finally reaches the point where she no longer wants to continue on like this because she's over this and is ready to date someone new. -And given her comment about dating other people, that point in time may be coming sooner rather than later. You need to go NC with her right now, because if you don't, her cutting things off then getting together with someone new will make you feel even worse. I'm not trying to paint a grim picture or drag you down, I'm just trying to stress how important it is to your own well-being that you break this contact. Don't worry yourself with finding someone like her, or who you'll date next, or even how you'll be able to date anyone in the future. Right now, you need to focus on what YOU can do for YOU. Until you start finding your own happiness in life, you're going to be stuck in this place, feeling the same as you are now. You may be able to reconnect with her later on, but you won't be able to do so successfully while you're feeling this way. Don't focus on whether or not you'll get together with her again, that's only going to prolong this. Your goal right now is just to get through this. Once you're on the other side, that's when you can decide what you really want to do, either trying to get back together or moving on with your life. Link to comment
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