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Advice and opinions on forgiveness.......................

Blu1979

By Blu1979
in Getting Back Together

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Blu1979 Rookie

Blu1979

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I wont get into details however the word forgiveness has been on my mind alot lately, essentially i was used, taken advantage of and have been in no contact since December. I found of in February that she was back with her ex, a guy who treated her like garbage ( thats where the used and taken advantage of part comes in) and decided to move on with my life, which i have. However since december i have virtually disapeared, deleted facebook, blocked emails etc but lately ive forgiven everything that has happened and wondered if i should send a once sentence email saying " I forgive you" or should i just keep that forgiveness to myself and remain non-existant?

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iBroken Collaborator

iBroken

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Yeah forgiving someone that did you wrong, when they couldn't care less about you.. is rather lame.

 

She'd probably laugh and joke about it to her new guy.

 

Keep your dignity and stay NC.

 

Exactly the message I was trying to get accross...thanks

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Tired Tiger Enthusiast

Tired Tiger

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Yeah forgiving someone that did you wrong, when they couldn't care less about you.. is rather lame.

 

No, it's not - at least not in and of itself. Forgiveness is something that we find within ourselves, for ourselves. As for the action of informing the ex of this epiphany? Well, no - everything has a time and place, and this wouldn't be an example of an opportune time to share that. Maybe that's what you meant?

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jonesyjakk Collaborator

jonesyjakk

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i thought id share my pennies worth as im kinda struggling with forgiving my ex.....

 

for me, i have to accept that what is done is done, what she did cannot be changed, it happened and now i am on a different path to her, once i have accepted that i can start walking forward on that path.

 

accepting what she did is a massive step, then once youve accepted it, you can simply carry on and gently forget what has happened in your own time. imo, there is absolutely no reason what so ever to tell your ex you forgive them, none......enough time needs to have passed, probably close to a year and by then....you'd probably think it was to weird anyway.

 

for me.....and i have a kid with my ex, telling her i forgive her will be in my actions when i see her, i havent seen her close to 2 months now as its been way to painful for me, so my family pick up and drop off my kid, when im ready, i will start doing it again. i used to not even look at her on the drop off days, not even speak to her, nothing.

 

now when im ready im not gonna drop off my kid and walk up to her and say hey.....i forgive you......i might just say hello, speak a little about my kid with her and then say goodbye....that would probably mean so much more to her cos i know deep down she feels alot of guilt and would like us to be friends and get along.

 

but i can only do that when i am ready, but there will be no reason for me to write her a letter, and email, or simply even tell her.

 

if you dont see your ex at all, even better, just tell yourself, its cool, it happens, im not here to hate people, life is for living, were here for a good time not a long time...and if you ever do bump into the x, you can smile, say hey, howve you been, glad youre looking well, take care ok see ya round. thats all you need for forgiving....it comes from within, for yourself, same as closure does, you dont need reasons when someone tells you its over, it can help so you can learn and work on things but life goes on....

 

anyway, thats my view on the whole forgivness thing

 

 

jonesy

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Kailynn Rookie

Kailynn

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While generally I'd agree with "keep it to yourself", I don't in this case. I'm not sure what she did or if it's even worth sharing here but, I do know that when I forgive someone I prefer the forgiveness to be aired. For me, allowing myself to forgive and move on means sharing that with the person who did me wrong, allowing them to see that their actions no longer hurt me, and I stride forward. Yes, a person who hurt you probably doesn't care much about whether or not they've "done you wrong" but, on the off chance that they do, you're allowing them to ability to forgive themselves for the hurt they caused you by sharing your forgiveness. It doesn't always open doors for friendship but, it does allow for things to be "clean" which is all, I think, we ever want when it comes to forgiveness.

 

I've forgiven a lot of people in my life, some so absolutely didn't deserve it but, for my own sanity I allowed them to hear it because I wanted them to know I was the bigger person and accepted things. It's my way of moving forward and it's worked for me.

 

At the end of the day though, if you want to say you've forgiven her, do it. Most she can do is tell you it was pointless and you've made your peace anyway, so it wouldn't matter.

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endy Enthusiast

endy

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No, it's not - at least not in and of itself. Forgiveness is something that we find within ourselves, for ourselves. As for the action of informing the ex of this epiphany? Well, no - everything has a time and place, and this wouldn't be an example of an opportune time to share that. Maybe that's what you meant?

 

 

Can't agree more with this. Forgiveness is something that comes with healing. There's no reason to send it out, just know that you're a stronger person if you truly do forgive them and move on BY yourself. Know that you didn't need to run to someone else and you dealt with all the pain and suffering the right way.

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