nresteiner Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Hello All, My gf and I have been together for about 4 months, one of them long distance. We're both in college, and I broke up with her in late April because I felt she didn't care about me as much as I cared about her(saying I love you only when I said it first, not being very affectionate, slamming the door in my face when I brought her gifts to make up for annoying her the night before, and telling me she couldn't drop everything to talk about our problems). She wanted us to stay friends, and I agreed(bad mistake) saying I wanted to work on issues from my end that played a part in ending our relationship. We talked some more, and she said that she would always change whatever I asked her to in our relationship when I said something had bothered me. This was untrue, as I expressed that I would like to be complimented and flirted with a bit more, as it seemed she did so to everyone but me. She brushed off my concerns. We planned to try again next semester, she said she couldn't think of anything from her end that she could work on over the summer, as that was the way she'd always been. We went long distance about one month ago. At first everything was fine, we texted a couple times a day, called good night etc. I'd text her telling her that I was thinking of her and missed her. She would sometimes reply, but usually was sleeping, even at noon. Lately, things have been strained though. She told me she bought a two piece bathing suit, then thought it was inappropriate that I asked what color it was. I just lost my job and had some family problems, when I let her know I'd had a bad day, her response was "Have a great night!". It annoyed me that she didn't ask for details or offer any sympathy, just something generic like that. She told me I was smothering her, so I backed off for a couple of days, and told her I wouldn't call or text as much then. I texted her a couple of days later and she flipped out, saying "... this wouldn't have even become an annoyance if you listened to me the first time." All right, fine I did listen to her, but I gave her some more space and called her Friday. She told me she knew I was going through a rough time, but her Grandma and her were going through some depression(as am I) and she could only help one person at a time. She then proceeded to tell me what I had been doing wrong, and asked when I was going to send her a cd I said I would try to get. We said we'd talk Sunday. Friday I sent her a good night text, Saturday I let her know I was thinking about her and if she needed me to let me know. I didn't expect to hear from her from those, and I haven't. I called her yesterday and texted her a couple hours later when she didn't answer, just asking how her weekend has been. I thought she would call since we agreed on a day, but she hasn't. It's not like she's busy, she has no job and nothing to do all day but sit around. I'm getting tired of being made to feel like the bad guy for caring about her and getting nothing in return. I'm not even going to bother trying to contact her this week and see what she does, but my hopes aren't high. Any advice, thoughts on what anyone thinks is going on would be appreciated. Link to comment
DN Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 She seems to be totally selfish and self-absorbed and would be better off being by herself. You would be better off too. Link to comment
tresqua Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Sounds to me like she's just not all that into you. Link to comment
Cmaj7th Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 She sounds frigid and uninterested and you sound a little needy. Pretty bad match in my opinion. I dated a girl like this once before, before you waste years of your life like I did just walk away. You are only four months in, get out while you can and find a girl who's on the same wavelength. Link to comment
arrakis77 Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 ...I felt she didn't care about me as much as I cared about her(saying I love you only when I said it first, not being very affectionate, slamming the door in my face when I brought her gifts to make up for annoying her the night before, and telling me she couldn't drop everything to talk about our problems). I've known a few like this. Ask yourself (and be 100% honest), what did she bring to the relationship? Link to comment
tresqua Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 If you're girl isn't loving and affectionate, if she doesn't listen to you when you're having a bad day and show some compassion, if she's more interested in doing anything other than spending time with you, if the sex is infrequent or nonexistent and she's not into it either way, you gotta ask yourself the obvious question. "Why am I with her"? Link to comment
Danny77 Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 Get out. I've seen this before and it was me in your shoes. It's a gut feeling hey. I bet you feel it too. Gonna have to get out of this before it gets worse. Sorry man. Link to comment
mikem Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 Time to cut your loses. Sounds like there might be something going on behind the scenes. Her behavior is irrational, especially not contacting you. I'd move on. Link to comment
banal Posted June 18, 2011 Share Posted June 18, 2011 She's just not ready for a serious relationship. Moreover, a woman like that will make you feel as if you're "needy", and there's something wrong with you. There isn't. You want to touch base with your girlfriend. When you care about someone, you want to hear about her day. You want to know what she's up to. When you've had a rough day, you want her to comfort you, not wish you a "great night." And this one doesn't want anything to do with you and is trying to make you out to be the clingy villain. As the others in this thread suggest, find the nearest hill, and head for it. Link to comment
hippychick11 Posted June 18, 2011 Share Posted June 18, 2011 What do you get out of this relationship at all? There must be something or you wouldn't still be with her. I personally couldn't be with someone who doesn't show interest in my life at all and is unaffectionate, have you told her how you feel? Link to comment
nresteiner Posted June 19, 2011 Author Share Posted June 19, 2011 What do you get out of this relationship at all? There must be something or you wouldn't still be with her. I personally couldn't be with someone who doesn't show interest in my life at all and is unaffectionate, have you told her how you feel? I've told her numerous times that I like it when she calls and texts me, even just to let me know how things are. This has been an ongoing problem, as I feel like she doesn't reciprocate my level of interest, which is one of the things that led to our first breakup, although after we got back together she was much more interested. I'm still with her because she can make me feel special when she wants to and we have a good time when we get together. Problem is, that's not very often lately. Link to comment
nresteiner Posted June 21, 2011 Author Share Posted June 21, 2011 Just an update: She told me that she only wants to talk once a week, and when I told her I would like it if we talked maybe just twice a week, she refused to listen and we got into another argument. If I call even any more than exactly once a week, she tells me that "I thought we were only going to talk once a week" and basically doesn't listen to anything I have to say. Link to comment
banal Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Just an update: She told me that she only wants to talk once a week, and when I told her I would like it if we talked maybe just twice a week, she refused to listen and we got into another argument. If I call even any more than exactly once a week, she tells me that "I thought we were only going to talk once a week" and basically doesn't listen to anything I have to say. I hope you realize now, that it's time to go. Link to comment
tresqua Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 She told me that she only wants to talk once a week Well at least she puts it right out there and you know where the boundaries lie. Link to comment
nresteiner Posted June 22, 2011 Author Share Posted June 22, 2011 She did put it out there, but I had to drag it out of her after asking why she was ignoring me for most of a week, after her being perfectly fine with talking for 10 or 15 minutes every day. Link to comment
tresqua Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 She did put it out there, but I had to drag it out of her after asking why she was ignoring me for most of a week, after her being perfectly fine with talking for 10 or 15 minutes every day. So now that you know, are you going to agree to that? Link to comment
nresteiner Posted June 22, 2011 Author Share Posted June 22, 2011 Yeah, I agreed to it. I'll see if she calls this week like she says she will. Link to comment
tresqua Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Yeah, I agreed to it. I'll see if she calls this week like she says she will. Soon it will be once every other week. Link to comment
banal Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 Man. * * * ? She's running you over. She's unwilling to compromise with you and has shown you no respect or consideration. And you go along with whatever she wants. Have some self-respect and find yourself a real relationship. Link to comment
mikem Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 Time to call it a day with this lady. Once a week? Usually there someone else, in these situations. Link to comment
baguette Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 She sounds too lame right now to break up with you, so she's trying to make you break up with her. Link to comment
nresteiner Posted August 7, 2011 Author Share Posted August 7, 2011 Thank you to everyone who gave me advice. I know this is kind of an old thread, but I just wanted everyone to know what happened. I gave my girlfriend(now ex) the chance to step up and make some of the contact herself, once a week, like she said she wanted. I haven't heard from her in about a month. I had the opportunity to visit her and she said she was too busy to get together. I got tired of putting in everything and getting nothing back. I guess I finally found a bit of self respect Link to comment
tresqua Posted August 7, 2011 Share Posted August 7, 2011 I hope you accept that the relationship is over? Link to comment
nresteiner Posted August 7, 2011 Author Share Posted August 7, 2011 I hope you accept that the relationship is over? Yeah, can't get a much clearer signal than I've gotten. Link to comment
tresqua Posted August 8, 2011 Share Posted August 8, 2011 Yeah, can't get a much clearer signal than I've gotten. Well ok then. Sometimes a dumpee will be told it's over forever and he'll be looking at wedding rings the very next day. By himself of course. He knows she's going to change her mind and he wants to be ready. Link to comment
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