Ran into the ex this weekend...

[Live-N-Learn]

So, I have been NC with my ex for some time now and the last time I saw her was in February. She is in a relationship and has been for about 3 months. I was downtown and saw a mutual friend at a club I was going to and she said the ex was here with her. Next thing I knew the ex was hitting my on the shoulder and saying hi. I was polite and made small talk for a few minutes then took off to the other side of the bar with some other friends. She did not have her new bf with her so that was good. I really did not want to meet him.

 

The other friends I was hanging out with all knew her as well and later that night around 9pm my friends and I went next door to get something to eat. She ended up calling me and asking where we were. I told her we were eating and the next thing I knew she was sitting with all of us eating. It was kinda weird really but not uncomfortable. I did not talk to her much at all and just paid attention to my other friend that was sitting by me. She did not really try to talk to me much and spent most of her time catching up with our other two friends she knew.

 

We were only there for about 30 minutes and it really wasn't bad. After we finished eating me and my friends left and went to another bar and I did not hear from her the rest of the night. I feel like I handled it pretty well to be honest. I was not pining after her and the time in NC has helped me detach. I thought I would be all emotional if I saw her but I wasn't. Yes, I still care about her but it has changed. I am protecting my heart and will not allow her back in. I know she only wants me back as a friend and that will not work for me right now, maybe never.

 

Neither of us have reached out to each other since we saw each other so all is good. I will continue with my NC. I know she misses me and it is kinda sad that we saw each other but both kinda kept our distance because we know we are not talking right now and why. She and I will both pretty respectful of the situation and were nice to each other. She honestly felt like a stranger to me. I could tell my heart was really guarded. I did not allow myself to get drawn back in. I wish she would not have come over to the restaurant, I think that was crossing the line a bit. But in the end it was not a big deal.

 

I thought about her yesterday more than I would have liked but I think that is normal after seeing them. I know she saw me at the club dancing with another girl most of the time and it got me wondering what she was thinking about it. She is used to me giving her all kinds of attention and pining after her. I did none of that and made no effort to go be around her. Unfortunately that is the way it has to be. She has a bf and it was her choice to end the relationship. I need to take care of myself. I guess I am a little sad that we can not be friends and I had to treat her almost like a stranger. I just know what is good for me.

 

Another friend told me that night that they were out together a little while ago and she was telling her how much she missed the 3 of us hanging out together and said she wanted to text me and ask me to come out. My friend talked her out of it cuz she knows our situation. I guess she said ok and did not text me. So I know she misses me but it is not how I missed her.

 

I do miss having fun with her and her friendship but I know I can not handle it and would get drawn back in. Kind of a sad situation really. It was weird being around her and holding back. We used to have a lot of fun together.

 

Anyways, thanks to ENA I learned how to handle these situations. I am proud of myself that I did not over react or do anything stupid. I was nice but distant. I kept my self respect. One for the good guys!

[hausser]

Jeez dude that must have been tough for you. How long were you with her for? How soon after you BU was she in a relationship?

[nattpanter]

Well done mate, she won`t forget how you handled this...but most of all you can keep walking with your head up high!

[Eocsor]

I had almost the exact thing happen to me. Hang tough, the pain fades. And as far as friends goes, by the time you are ready for that it will have lost all meaning. At least thats the way it's always been for me. Best of luck and hang in.

[Archtronics]

Well done I hope I can be strong as you if that happens.

[mactownman]

Jeez, my ex of three years (best friend for 10) left me for another guy in April. I am getting along fine, been NC since I was made aware of the other guy. Anyway, we have tons of mutual friends and I know it's only a matter of time before I see her out, perhaps with my replacement. I hope I am able to play it as cool as you. It's gonna suck.

[Live-N-Learn]

Jeez dude that must have been tough for you. How long were you with her for? How soon after you BU was she in a relationship?

 

We were together for about a year and a half. stopped sleeping together late November. She still wants me in her life as one of her close friends but I won't do it. She jumps from one guy to another. She never takes breaks after a relationship ends. I am sure it bothered her to see me having fun and dancing with another cute girl. Either way it really doesn't matter. We both want different things and I am moving on. Just glad I was able to handle it like I did. I really loved this girl but now it is different.

[Live-N-Learn]

I had almost the exact thing happen to me. Hang tough, the pain fades. And as far as friends goes, by the time you are ready for that it will have lost all meaning. At least thats the way it's always been for me. Best of luck and hang in.

 

I agree, once I am totally healed I doubt I will ever want the friendship. Matter of fact I am almost positive of it.

[Live-N-Learn]

I have to admit I am having a little bit of a set back all the sudden. Had a lunch date scheduled today with a really cool girl and she did not show up or call and say she was not going to be there. Damn, it brought back a bunch of emotions of rejection from my ex. All the sudden I am feeling really sad and anxious and missing her. This sucks. I will just have to realize this has little to do with the ex and more about me. I just need to fight through the feelings and not do anything stupid like text the ex!

[Live-N-Learn]

I can't believe how I am wondering if how I handled myself when seeing the ex has her respect me more or not. Any thoughts? Ugh..I hate thinking about her. I need to stay the hell away from her. Next time I will exit the scene even faster. I hope I never run into her again for a long time.

[MakeItCount]

I can't believe how I am wondering if how I handled myself when seeing the ex has her respect me more or not. Any thoughts? Ugh..I hate thinking about her. I need to stay the hell away from her. Next time I will exit the scene even faster. I hope I never run into her again for a long time.

 

Dude. Why did you pick up her call? Why are you discussing her with your friends. This girl should be a ghost to you, a bad nightmare long past. Come on man. We've all given you so much advice on this, friggin stick to NC and stop * * * * * footing around. You should NEVER be friends with someone this toxic, you HAVE to realize this.

[Live-N-Learn]

I will never be her friend. I know this and did not want to see her. I am not sure why I picked up the phone it was stupid. I was drinking and just reacted. I am listening to the advice on this site and have stuck with NC. I did not intend to run into her and did not hang out with her. I did not want to discuss her with friends. They brought it up but you are right. I should have cut them off immediately.

[MakeItCount]

I will never be her friend. I know this and did not want to see her. I am not sure why I picked up the phone it was stupid. I was drinking and just reacted. I am listening to the advice on this site and have stuck with NC. I did not intend to run into her and did not hang out with her. I did not want to discuss her with friends. They brought it up but you are right. I should have cut them off immediately.

 

Good. no worries then, just go back to what you were doing before, this won't be much of a setback. Just remember, don't over analyze, and just don't care. Remember she's toxic..that's all you need to know.

[Live-N-Learn]

I know she is toxic and I just can not and do not want to have her in my life at any capacity. I had not seen her since Feb and have been NC with her. I think it is time to get rid of the mutual friends. I do not want to hear anything about her and they just can't seem to stop talking about her when around me. What's funny is most of what they try to tell me is there challenges with being her friend and how hard it is to feel secure around her.

 

This girl is so charismatic and fun that people seem to be drawn to her and get addicted to her. They really don't know her and have no idea about how toxic she really is until it's too late. She really has no true friends only acquaintances. There is a reason for that. Big red flag.

 

The only thing I miss about her is the crazy sex. That is what has been hard to forget. Good news is I know that is not enough and am starting to see her for who she really is...

 

I just want to keep healing and get on with my life. I want a healthy relationship someday with a girl I can trust.

[manicdogbert]

Dude, you're doing alright. It's only on your mind because it just happened. Keep yourself busy and you will go back to the way you were before you saw her. I know I felt the same the two times I saw my ex. It stayed on my mind for a few days. (I even wrote about them here.) And then I moved on. You'll be okay.

[Live-N-Learn]

Thanks for the song Jonas, that was great. I love that song! Thanks for the encouragement everyone! It has been a hard afternoon not so much becasue I saw her but because of the stupid mutual friends that can't keep there mouths shut and tell me things about her. I have decided that I have to cut them off or I am never going to heal completely.

 

I can't believe one of them even introduced me to a friend of theres as my ex's old boyfriend. Then another wanted to share how she is struggling with her friendship with my ex...I'm like really? I don't want to hear it. Now I have crap in my head that they told me. No more....time to move on and get my own friends.

[apple89]

I have to admit I am having a little bit of a set back all the sudden. Had a lunch date scheduled today with a really cool girl and she did not show up or call and say she was not going to be there. Damn, it brought back a bunch of emotions of rejection from my ex. All the sudden I am feeling really sad and anxious and missing her. This sucks. I will just have to realize this has little to do with the ex and more about me. I just need to fight through the feelings and not do anything stupid like text the ex!

 

this happened to me similar.. i had a crappy date with some guy and alli could think of was my ex instead of this guys actions.. grrr i guess we have to be strnger on our toughest moments, its so ironically to say this bc even for me its hard as F to do so.. tomorrow it will be another day and it will feel good, remember what doesn't kill us makes us stronger

[dodgedabullet]

Am glad that I live in a larger city. I know the ex's hangout and you won't see me within 20 miles of that club, so no worries about crossing paths.

 

Sorry that you had to cross her path again. Personally, I think you should have called it a night and headed for the hills as soon as you knew the ex was going to be at the club you were going to.

 

And for crap-sake already. GET RID OF THE MUTUAL FRIENDS. Find a whole new circle of people to hang out with.

 

Good luck and whatever you do....Don't get drawn back in. I think you are playing with fire again.

[dodgedabullet]

Another thing. I think it is too early for you to be out dating again. You are just going to be comparing her to the "loser" that hurt you. Plus it isn't fair to your date.

 

I get the feeling you are probably emotionally unavailable for a relationship or dating right now. Why do I say this? I say it because I have been following your story for some time and I also went through something kind of similar. I know that I am not ready to date anyone and probably won't be for another year or so. This healing stuff takes time.

 

But if you decide I am full of it and decide to date anyway, don't bring up the ex. Any healthy person would probably steer clear of you if she knew that someone like 'the loser" was in the "shadows". A healthy person probably wouldn't want to invest the time knowing that you could go back to the ex.

[blackhawks1287]

I am proud you handled yourself so well. At least your ex had the courage to come up and say hi to you. You seemed pretty aloof by the sound of it, but I wouldn't have picked up her phone call. Perosnally you kind of sent the wrong message since you didn't want to be friends.

 

But you handled yourself extremely well by the sound of it and it is awesome to read that.

 

I remember my situation where I had to encounter my ex...she never came over and said hi. She didn't have it in her, but I was on her turf and I handled myself just as well as you, but I didn't have that cute girl dancing with me...which probably would have made her jealous.

 

Keep being strong LNL.

[Live-N-Learn]

Sorry that you had to cross her path again. Personally, I think you should have called it a night and headed for the hills as soon as you knew the ex was going to be at the club you were going to.

 

And for crap-sake already. GET RID OF THE MUTUAL FRIENDS. Find a whole new circle of people to hang out with.

 

Good luck and whatever you do....Don't get drawn back in. I think you are playing with fire again.

 

It all happened pretty fast. I showed up and saw her friend and a few minutes later the ex was hitting me on the arm and saying hi. I did leave the club twice. Once to go next door and eat and then to another club. I did not answer her text then she called. My mistake was answering. (damn alcohol) anyways, I left after we were done eating and did not see her again.

 

I will not let her draw me back in. It is over. You are correct, these mutual friends are killing me. I no longer can hang out with any of them. They are worse than being around her!

[Live-N-Learn]

You seemed pretty aloof by the sound of it, but I wouldn't have picked up her phone call. Personally you kind of sent the wrong message since you didn't want to be friends.

 

Yes I was friendly when she came up to me but that was it. I did not talk to her again not even at the table when we were eating. After we finished I left with some friends to another bar. I really don't know why she text me asking where I was and then followed it up with a call. I am sure she has the phone numbers of the other friends I was eating with and should have called them. I don't think she was looking to hang out with me but wanted to be with our mutual friends.

 

Anyways, it was a mistake to pick up the call. However, I pretty much showed her the whole night besides that instance that I was not interested in talking to her or being friends. I just need to keep moving on and not over think the situation. It's not that big a deal. It's over and I need to keep healing. That is what I need to focus on. Not allowing myself to be in situations where this can happen again. The only way to do that is end it with the mutual friends.

[Live-N-Learn]

Man, I am really starting to feel bad that I even saw my ex this weekend. I wish it never happened and I would have found a way to get out of there even sooner. I feel like we ended on a good note when I went NC and that seeing her and the way we acted towards each other ruined the so called happy ending. I know it should not matter but it does right now. I don't know why I still care what she thinks of me. We were nice to each other but it was like we were strangers. I remember thinking...man I don't even want to be around her this feels so awkward.

 

I catch myself wondering what she is thinking for me pretty much ignoring her accept for being nice initially and saying hi. I mean I was not mean the couple of times she talked to me but I did not go out of my way to be around her and left fairly quickly with other friends. She has never seen me like this before. I don't know if it was a good thing or a bad thing. I guess I am just wondering what she thinks of me now and if it has changed.

 

She did send me an email awhile back saying how much she missed me and that I will always be special to her. I know she meant it as a friend. She told me how much it hurt for me not to be in her life and said she will always welcome me back if I want to come back. That ain't going to happen!!!

 

So I think we were both just not expecting to see each other and when it did it was uncomfortable for both of us since we are not talking right now. Damn, some of the situations I find myself in with the girl.

 

I am really trying to move on and need to be really careful not to let this happen again. I have only seen her once all year back in Feb. and this was still way too soon to run into her.

 

Like I said I know it shouldn't matter because I will never be her friend and she is never coming back. I am just kinda journaling now. This has been on my mind all day.

[blackhawks1287]

Yeah I know its hard man...

 

I was insulted when my ex couldn't even approach my father or say hi, or wave...nothing. The man that gave her so much and was so nice during out relationship...she avoided him and avoided me. I don't care and it didn't affect me. She made herself look bad.

 

All you have to think about man is how you acted...not what she thinks, or what anyone thinks. You know you handled yourself in the right way and you should be proud. Quit going back and forth wondering what people think, secure your emotions and build yourself back up.

 

I guess I am a little bit colder when it comes to shunning people out of my life. It is easy for me, especially the ex's friends. You just have to think about the abundance of people out there to be friends with, and half of them are girls, one of which will be more compatible for you, wanting to be with you and work hard through the rough patches.

 

I don't think having the mutual friends is bad, just don't be shocked if she shows up...and you don't necessarily have to go out with them to be friends with them...just at arms length until your healed.

 

You know what you need to do, it is just executing it that is the hard part. Keep your chin up pal and get back out there and start having fun, not thinking about what may or may not have reflected that night with the ex.

[Live-N-Learn]

Thanks Blackhawks. I appreciate the words of encouragement. I need them tonight. I know I handled myself well but should have tried to get out of there even sooner. Doesn't matter now. I just want to move on and keep healing and get back to being me. All of these friends absolutely love me and it's hard to let go of them to some degree. But I need to for now at least until I am healed.

 

I am going to work on making some new friends that don't know her. Like you said there are an abundance of people I can be friends with besides our mutual friends. My ex is really bad news for me and I need to make sure I stay the hell away from her. Next time I will leave immediately if I run into her. And your right who cares what she thinks, I never plan to talk to her again so it should not matter.