A break-up that still haunts me ... a rant for those of you willing to read it!

[DRaven2010]

I was the dumpee and we broke up quite a while ago (over a year). I've been out with other girls since then but there are still days when I find myself thinking about this ex-gf and our relationship (if I can call it that as we were only together for about 4 months)....what could have been if she gave us a real chance.

 

She broke up with me saying she still had feelings for her ex (even though she wasn't going back to him & she didn't) and that she didn't want to be selfish to me by continuing to see me even though she enjoyed being with me and i was a very good guy. I know I was probably the rebound and she probably went off and found a new relationship once she dealt with her situation (i actually heard a couple of months ago from a mutual friend that she was seeing someone but had since broken up with him too!). I still believe we did have something together it couldn't have been just in my mind! We were fine until the day of the breakup so i was blindsided which hurt.

 

When she broke up with me, I said I understood, I didn't beg or cling. I kept LC for the first month, she knew i liked her a lot and I missed her but that's as far as I was willing to go. The last contact was 1 month after the break up when I wished her a happy birthday & she thanked me and that's been it NC ever since. I had decided that that would be the last time i reached out cause I wasn't willing to hold on to someone that didn't want me. Deep down though I really believed that if we gave it a REAL shot our relationship would have worked, it's just she still was messed up from her previous relationship and I was being careful to let my walls down because of it (i don't think she ever got a chance to see the real me...my playful fun side never really showed because I was treading carefully not to mess it up with her).

 

I was a good boyfriend (in the way that girls on this forum say what they want in a bf). It's just i find myself thinking that maybe I should have tried harder to keep her from leaving, maybe that's what she was waiting for. She had been hurt before and wanted to see how much I cared about her and my not chasing proved in her mind that what we had was not worth keeping. I just wish I had let her know how much I felt about her...how much i cared and was falling for her, that thinking about her would make my day better. Instead I just let her go....maybe being naive and stupid to believe in the line 'if you love them let them go'.

 

I thought at some point she'd try to reconnect, to at least say hi......I'm at peace with the idea that she never will and there's no way we'll reconnect. Just sometimes the 'what ifs' come to haunt me & i guess she never cared since it was so easy for her to walk away from me.

 

Today is one of those days I feel "the haunting of the ex"! ](*,)

[elcie]

I think the fact that you were 'blindsided' has made it harder to deal with the breakup. Most of the time relationships go through bad times until someone decides to make the break.

 

It left many issues unresolved and has made the healing process more difficult.

 

I don't think there was anything you could have done to change the outcome. It sounds as if you kept your dignity and self respect; that might not sound like much with the way you are feeling right now but, believe me, take it from someone who has made an absolute fool of herself a few times; self respect is very important.

 

Anyway, I wish you all the best for the future. You sound like a nice guy!

[tresqua]

It's been a year, you took the dumping with dignity, you didn't do the begging pleading thing.. I think you deserve to give yourself the benefit of the doubt and give her a quick call to let her know you were thinking about her recently and figured you'd just sort of check in and see how she's been...

 

What's the worst that can happen?

[DRaven2010]

I've thought about contacting her or some way letting her know I've been thinking about her (through mutual friends) but I'm afraid it'll set me back and she has never tried to contact me. In a way I'd want her to be the one that will make the first move after all she broke up with me, at least that way I'll know there was at least some feeling on her part but maybe she expects the same or is just happy that i have stayed nc.

 

Maybe one day we'll run into each other and I can try to get closure (our town is not too big so chances are one day it's inevitable).

 

p.s. I like the Oscar Wilde quote, elcie!

[nattpanter]

I've thought about contacting her or some way letting her know I've been thinking about her (through mutual friends) but I'm afraid it'll set me back and she has never tried to contact me. In a way I'd want her to be the one that will make the first move after all she broke up with me, at least that way I'll know there was at least some feeling on her part but maybe she expects the same or is just happy that i have stayed nc.

 

Maybe one day we'll run into each other and I can try to get closure (our town is not too big so chances are one day it's inevitable).

 

p.s. I like the Oscar Wilde quote, elcie!

 

Im not a NC-diciple who think that`s the only way, but sometimes buddy you have all the answers and facts you need yourself. To me, even if I don`t have a clue to what you had together, the details of what`s been said etc. let me clear this up in three points:

1.She left for an ex and was straight-forward with you (respect and accept her decition. Never forget, it`s definatly her loss to)

2.She hasn`t initiated any contact (a) She is not in to you. b) She loves you and misses you like a bf. Do you really think that after one year if someone really regret their decition and feel the pain you are feeling in their hearts and they know how to get in touch with you...they don`t follow their heart and act upon it?

3.You are afraid she doesn`t know you care (what she should know is how much of a catch you are by moving forward with your life. You can`t sell her love, she needs to pick it up herself)

 

I think you should be proud of yourself the way you handled this so far. It shows character and strength, and if anything, she will always have respect for you and value you as a person (if you two have a future that is gold) And that again suggest to me she would come back if that is what she wanted. Sorry to put it straight to you. PM me if you want- Keep walking...