Please advice - lost and confused

[dilmi_b2003]

Hi,

I am a single mother and my son is 2 years old. My son's father left us about one and half years a go and even during the times that we were together he was not around my son that much. I got the divorces finalised about 3 months a go and never asked for any compensation or child maintenance. After the divorce my life has been very peaceful however i am very worried as to what i could say when my son asks about his father. I got the full custody of my son, however, my ex husband has given the visitation hours but cannot take my son alone without me having around. up until today he never came to see his son and i am sure even in the future he wouldn't and in a way i am happy about this as my ex is a bisexual and he cheated on me with other men. also he is a narcissistic and no empathy whats or ever towards me and my needs and very good in bad mouthing about me for the mistakes in his life. I am very glad that the judge understood the situation and i got the full custody of my son however, i am worried now as to how to the face to the questions that my little son would ask when he starts realizing that others have dads but not him and where his dad etc. can someone please advice me how to handle those questions. also would love to hear from those who are in similar situations and those who grew up without a father and how they felt about it. my son is all i got and i do not want him to suffer because of a bad decision ti took in terms of choosing my husband.

[LennonAid]

A lot of kids grow up without fathers. I was just one of those kids of many. I was used as a "weapon of divorce" so to speak when I was only just old enough to comprehend simple things so I was exposed to it very early on. It was a constant battle with me in the middle of my mother and my father before I also had to endure visitation. I'm not sure if I ever asked my mother why it was happening, I just recall understanding that my mom and dad were divorced by the time I was in Elementary School. Which probably means my mom took the initiative to explain to me what was going on and why (she spared me the more adult reasons and just told me that there were a lot of disagreements). It didn't even mean much to me at the time. Yeah, my dad wasn't in the picture but I still saw him and in my child brain, that's all that mattered. Just be straight with your son but ease into it. When I used to see my dad, he would tell me things to make as if my mom was lying, but because I lived with my mom and she took care of me, I trusted her word over his just naturally and the same will more than likely be true with your son.

[dilmi_b2003]

Thanks LennonAid for the reply and it really helps. With my son i doubt his father will ever come to see him I am a bit worried as to what to say when he asks questions about his father and how to say it so that his tiny brain will understand it. Did you ever felt upset or suffer silently about the fact you were not having your father around? or was it too simple to understand that your parents were divorced and it was not your fault etc? these are the questions that are in my mind always.

Thanks