Ringo1417 Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 I've been dating a gal that I work with for a year. When we first got into a relationship she told me she was going through a divorce. She either stays at my place or we talk every night before we go to sleep so I know she does not sleep with or stay with her husband. 2 months ago I got suspicious about the divorce cause it wasn't going anywhere and I looked it up on web and found nothing she had lied about the filing. I tried to break it off once I found out but she persuaded me that she was working through it and keeps lying to me about were her marriage is. I wish I could get out but I now have feelings. My questions are what should I do and if I get out should I tell her husband about it? I feel bad for the guy but this gal is so good at lying it is scary. Thanks for your input. Obvious there's a lot more to story but hard to write everything. Link to comment
d24 Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 all I can say is good luck with this lying girl once she's 'yours'... Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Get out of the relationship. That is why it is best not to date someone who is just separated..because they are still legally married and unavailable. Link to comment
wildchild1 Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 She is using the ad nauseam, "I'm in the process of getting divorced" that almost all married cheaters do. In your position I would not pursue this anymore. It is completely up to you whether you should tell the husband. If you do, perhaps mail or email would be your best bet to let him know his wife has been sleeping and having an elicit relationship with you. Link to comment
Ringo1417 Posted June 13, 2011 Author Share Posted June 13, 2011 Thx for the quick responses. I am obviously learning my lesson now about getting involved with someone who says or is getting separated. Once I break up with her which hopefully i will soon I might try to send him an e-mail. I just don't want it to get blown up but it prob would. Link to comment
CatsMeeoow Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Personally if you end it just stay out of it... don't try to contact her husband. You will be surprised how often that can backfire and open a can of worms you wish you hadn't. Lesson learned... move on! Link to comment
tresqua Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Now you know why most savvy internet online daters state right in their profile that they will not meet up with someone who is not fully divorced and some even ask for a copy of the divorce decree. It happens all the time. Tell her you're taking a step back and she knows where to find you when she's got some paperwork to show you. Link to comment
lavenderdove Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Do you ever stay over at her place or spend much time there? If not, there's a good chance that she is still seeing her husband, or perhaps hoping he will come back, but she wants you on the back burner in case that doesn't work out. And some people postpone the divorce because they know that it will change their finances... perhaps temporary support payments will end, or they have to give up some benefit they get from staying married. Or perhaps just drag their feet to spite their ex, or manipulate them into some better terms in a property settlement or child custody arrangement. Regardless, she lied to you, and i wouldn't stay with anyone who did. Perhaps her husband booted her out for cheating and lying as well! Link to comment
Ringo1417 Posted June 13, 2011 Author Share Posted June 13, 2011 Do you ever stay over at her place or spend much time there? If not, there's a good chance that she is still seeing her husband, or perhaps hoping he will come back, but she wants you on the back burner in case that doesn't work out. And some people postpone the divorce because they know that it will change their finances... perhaps temporary support payments will end, or they have to give up some benefit they get from staying married. Or perhaps just drag their feet to spite their ex, or manipulate them into some better terms in a property settlement or child custody arrangement. Regardless, she lied to you, and i wouldn't stay with anyone who did. Perhaps her husband booted her out for cheating and lying as well! Lavender she says that she is under his insurance and she would have to give up her insurance and if she goes through with divorce. Also some other financial stuff like having to split there house. I just don't see her going through with it. I don't understand why she still wants to keep me around cause she knows she is hurting me. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Is she living with him or living seperately? Have you ever had reason to suspect that she is still technically with her husband in a married capacity? I know someone that is married but hasn't been with their husband in 18 years and they never divorced but he clearly isn't in the picture. No contact for years, living seperately all of that time. I'm just trying to understand the nature of your relationship with her. Link to comment
Ringo1417 Posted June 13, 2011 Author Share Posted June 13, 2011 Is she living with him or living seperately? Have you ever had reason to suspect that she is still technically with her husband in a married capacity? I know someone that is married but hasn't been with their husband in 18 years and they never divorced but he clearly isn't in the picture. No contact for years, living seperately all of that time. I'm just trying to understand the nature of your relationship with her. She says he lives 3 doors down in one of his rental homes. Yes I have seen pictures of her with her family that were from last Christmas. She went out to my fam Christmas and went home to hers where he was in the pics I saw. She says he stopped over and they took pictures. She does not have any kids and has been married to him for 7 years and says they dont sleep together for the past 3 years. Link to comment
tresqua Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 I don't understand why she still wants to keep me around cause she knows she is hurting me. That's an easy one. Her needs are more important to her than yours. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 Do you ever stay over at her place or spend much time there? If not, there's a good chance that she is still seeing her husband, or perhaps hoping he will come back, but she wants you on the back burner in case that doesn't work out. And some people postpone the divorce because they know that it will change their finances... perhaps temporary support payments will end, or they have to give up some benefit they get from staying married. Or perhaps just drag their feet to spite their ex, or manipulate them into some better terms in a property settlement or child custody arrangement. Regardless, she lied to you, and i wouldn't stay with anyone who did. Perhaps her husband booted her out for cheating and lying as well! I actually knew someone who remained married despite being separated longer than they were actually together as a couple. She used her maiden name for everything except for when there was something going on with her old high school...then she suddenly used a hyphenated last name to include her "married name". In other words, it was all for appearances..she wanted to give the illusion to her former high school classmates that she was married even though she has not been together with her husband for years. She always was into appearances. So some people may have a relationship that is completely over and they are living separate lives..but they want the illusion for public consumption in certain circumstances, that they are married because they think it improves their social standing. Link to comment
dgribble Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 Dude, you need to get out- AND FAST! She continues to lie to you, isn't that enough for you? Link to comment
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